A Message of Hope for Herself and Her Country
- First Lady of Florida Casey DeSantis announced that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer at the beginning of October. She made her first public appearance since her diagnosis at the Hernando County Republican Party Lincoln-Reagan Day Dinner.
- According to psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin, it is best to meet people who are returning to social environments after a cancer diagnosis with enormous gratitude, and a selfless sense of curiosity.
- Dr. Strongin encourages open communication regarding the way a person with cancer wants to talk (or not talk) about their condition.
Socializing in group settings after a cancer diagnosis can bring many anxieties back to the surface. Whether you’re going back to work or seeing friends and family, well-meaning people may offer input that is not helpful (and sometimes even hurtful). We talked to psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin about ways that people with cancer can prepare themselves for these kinds of interactions, and ways that people who don’t have cancer can be emotionally supportive when talking to people who have been diagnosed.
Tips for Talking to People With Cancer
Read MoreDr. Strongin recommends that people learning about someone else’s cancer diagnosis allow the person who has been diagnosed to set the boundaries of the conversation. This boundary-setting does not need to be implicit. "You should approach the subject with enormous compassion, but also curiosity. And you can ask to be curious," Dr. Strongin said. "You could say, 'Please let me know if you feel comfortable with this, but I would love to hear more about what it's been like for you.'" This response expresses concern, but also allows the person who has been diagnosed to talk about their condition on their own terms. "And so now you're giving the person permission to open up, but if they don't, then I think they'll feel that there is someone there who is curious and ready to listen whenever they're ready."
Take it from a breast cancer survivor, there are certain subjects you should avoid when talking to someone who was just diagnosed with cancer.
Tips for Patients
From the patient's perspective, Dr. Strongin believes that preparing to re-enter social environments should involve checking in with yourself, and being honest about how you want to feel.
"One of the most important things to pay attention to is the feelings you'd like to have, and the feelings you certainly would not like to have," she said. From there, you can guide people toward providing the kind of support that will be meaningful and truly helpful to you.
This will look different for different patients. Dr. Strongin has worked with cancer patients who never wanted anybody to feel sorry for them. If someone with cancer knows that they don’t want to be pitied, they can start the conversation saying something like, "I'm letting you know this, but I am going to be ok, and I'm doing ok."
Other people with cancer might approach the conversation from the opposite angle. According to the American Cancer Society, some people with cancer find that talking through their diagnosis with people in their life can help them make sense of their condition and figure out what kinds of questions they should be asking their doctors. This is especially true for people who live alone and may need extra support.
Opening up to others can help these patients solve problems in the way they’re thinking about their disease, and come to terms with the reality of their situation. People who want to proactively build out their support network when they are diagnosed may begin conversations by saying something like, "I really need the support because I'm not doing ok and I don't know how well I'm going to do." Paying attention to this communication and boundary-setting can make it easier for people diagnosed with cancer to return to their communities and gather further support.
Breast Cancer Basics
Only about 9% of breast cancer cases diagnosed annually represent women under 45, and age is a significant risk factor for the disease. Breast cancer is the second most common cancer among American women, surpassed only by skin cancer. Like many forms of cancer, there is a racial imbalance in the resources and treatment and that people have access to, and black women die from breast cancer at a higher rate than white women. The stage of Casey DeSantis's cancer was not made public, but according to Dr. Ann Partridge of Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, young women who are diagnosed with breast cancer tend to have more advanced and aggressive forms of the disease because screening is less common for young women.
Very few young women are diagnosed with breast cancer in the U.S., but their cancer is more likely to be more aggressive and advanced.
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