Dating After Cancer
- “The Golden Bachelor” star Gerry Turner, 73, says he’s still open to finding love after being diagnosed with a form of non-Hodgkin lymphoma called Waldenström’s macroglobulinemia.
- Turner’s first wife was Toni Hamilton, who passed away in 2017 from a bacterial infection. His second wife was Theresa Nist, whom he met on the first season of “The Golden Bachelor,” and divorced three months after getting married.
- According to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, Waldenström’s macroglobulinemia (WM) is an uncommon blood cell cancer that develops from malignant B-cells. “It is a slow-growing type of non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Waldenström’s mostly forms in the bone marrow and can slow normal blood cell growth, which can lead to anemia and a weakened immune system.”
- Just like every cancer battle is different, every person is different and there is no right answer as to when the best time is to start dating. We’re happy to see Turner maintaining hope in his future of love.
- Remember, don’t push yourself if you’re stepping into the dating world. If it happens organically, then just go with it and see how it feels. But, if you don’t feel you are physically and emotionally able to dive in fully, don’t be afraid to table the dating life for a bit or put the brakes on something that doesn’t seem to be the right timing for you.
- Additionally, after a cancer diagnosis, it’s essential for a couple going through the cancer journey together to communicate and express their feelings. Joining a support group or seeking professional therapy may also be helpful.
Turner—who was previously married to Toni Hamilton, who passed away in 2017 from a bacterial infection, and Theresa Nist, his second wife, whom he met on the first season of “The Golden Bachelor,” and divorced three months after getting married on the show—shared his cancer news and hopes to find a companion in a recent interview
Read MoreHe continued, “It [dating] does become a little more difficult now. If I meet someone and have strong feelings for them, I’m going to have to give them a conversation about my situation [with cancer], and that would make acceptance much more difficult.
” I think it would also be a confirmation if a person accepts me in the situation that I’m in, it would be pretty terrific.”
Navigating relationships during cancer — A survivor’s guide
When asked whether he’d be willing to get married again, Turner told People, that it’s something he is unsure of.
He explained, “At the age of 73 and knowing all of the entanglements, the legal entanglements, I really don’t know. But I would entertain the conversation with someone who was the right person.
“If they felt strongly that they really wanted to be married, I would certainly consider that.”
RELATED: ‘Strong in Cancer:’ Navigating New Relationships While Fighting Cancer Is Challenging
Recounting how a long-distant relationship didn’t work with his second wife, he added, “I’m really trying to focus on meeting someone that is a Midwest girl. Someone close, someone that I can see on a daily basis to learn if they’re the right person and them learn about me, if I’m their right person.
“Other than that, the characteristics that I looked for [on the show], the humor, the ability to be a partner, the ability to read my emotions and me to read their emotions, all of those things are still there.”
Dating After Cancer; Getting Intimate with the New You
Tips for Dealing With Cancer in Your Relationship
Cancer can place a huge strain on any relationship. The state of your relationship with your significant other before a cancer diagnosis can influence how you both endure the cancer journey.
Psychologist Susan McDaniel said in an earlier interview with SurvivorNet that cancer can either strengthen healthy relationships or widen the divide for couples already facing conflict.
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So when you’re faced with a diagnosis or treatment, it can help to lean on the bond you’ve built with your partner.
For healthy couples confronted with cancer, “They recognize how they feel about each other, the petty stuff drifts away. There’s a certain kind of intimacy in having to face something really serious,” Dr. McDaniel said.
“For couples where there’s already significant difficulties that haven’t been resolved, and if the illness hits at some of that, then it’s really hard,” Dr. McDaniel added.
Understanding Waldenström’s Macroglobulinemia
According to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, Waldenström’s macroglobulinemia (WM) is an uncommon blood cell cancer that develops from malignant B-cells.
“It is a slow-growing type of non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Waldenström’s mostly forms in the bone marrow and can slow normal blood cell growth, which can lead to anemia and a weakened immune system,” the institute explains.
“The disease occurs because of an abnormality in B lymphocytes in the bone marrow, causing them to produce too much immunoglobulin protein (IgM) that thickens the blood. Although WM shares similarities with multiple myeloma and indolent lymphoma, it is a form of lymphoplasmacytic lymphoma, a low-grade (or indolent) type of lymphoma.”
It’s important to note that not all patients diagnosed with WM need treatment as an active surveillance approach may also suffice.
“While WM is incurable and will return despite treatment, many people are able to lead active lives and may experience years of symptom-free remission after treatment,” the institute adds.
Men are almost twice as likely to get WM as women, and the change of getting diagnosed with this disease increases with age
Genetics also seems to play a role in patients with WM. The Dana-Farber Cancer Institute says that up to 20 percent of people living with WM “have a first- or second-degree relative with WM or another lymphoma, multiple myeloma, or chronic lymphocytic leukemia.”
Understanding Lymphoma
Gerry Turner was diagnosed with Waldenström’s macroglobulinemia, a type of non-Hodgkin lymphoma, which is one of the two most common types of lymphoma.
Lymphoma is a cancer of the immune system that affects infection-fighting cells called lymphocytes. And there are more than 40 different types of lymphoma.
Sneaky Lymphoma Symptoms Often Lead to a Late Diagnosis
“Lymphoma is split up into a number of different categories,” Dr. Elise Chong, a medical oncologist at Penn Medicine, previously told SurvivorNet.
“The first distinguishing breakpoint, if you will, is non-Hodgkin lymphoma versus Hodgkin lymphoma,” she added, “and those sound like two different categories. But non-Hodgkin lymphoma comprises the majority of lymphoma, and Hodgkin lymphoma is a single specific type of lymphoma.”
Hodgkin lymphoma has distinctive, giant cells called Reed-Sternberg cells. The presence of these cells, which can be seen under a microscope, will help your doctor determine which of the two lymphoma types you have.
There are a few other important differences between non-Hodgkin lymphoma and Hodgkin lymphoma to note. For one thing, non-Hodgkin lymphoma is much more common. And you’re more likely to be diagnosed with it after age 55.
Age, Race, and Exposures Might All Factor Into Lymphoma Risk
It should be noted that another difference between these two types of lymphoma is that non-Hodgkin lymphoma is more likely to spread in a random fashion and be found in different groups of lymph nodes in the body, while Hodgkin lymphoma is more likely to grow in a uniform way from one group of lymph nodes directly to another.
These two different types of lymphoma behave, spread and respond to treatment differently, so it’s important for you to know which type you have.
Mental Health: The Importance of Support for Cancer Survivor
It is important for cancer survivors to have a strong support system during and after cancer. Sometimes especially after cancer, when even more intense emotions can set in unexpectedly after the physical and emotional journey a patient has gone through.
Dr. Shelley Tworoger, a researcher at Moffitt Cancer Center told SurvivorNet that “there’s a number of common things cancer patients can experience, such as anxiety, depression, financial toxicity, social isolation and sometimes even PTSD.”
Helping to ease some of those feelings is a great way to support your loved one.
The importance of self-care and the things that bring you joy
Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin says having people by your side during this “arduous chapter” in your life can be very beneficial.
“Studies have found consistently that loneliness is a significant risk factor for physical and mental illnesses and the trajectory of recovery,” Strongin said. “Therefore, it will be important that you surround yourself with individuals who care and support you throughout.”
How to Cope When a Loved One Is Diagnosed With Cancer
After a cancer diagnosis, emotions may run the gamut, and grappling with your feelings isn’t easy. While coping with caring for a loved one battling cancer, the spouse must also adjust to a new normal. Feelings ranging from anxiety, sadness, anger, regret, and more may linger. However, healthy ways to cope.
- Talk to a therapist and share feelings you’re going through
- Have an open conversation with your spouse about the diagnosis
- Research the disease and learn about available treatment options
- Join a support group or connect with others who have gone through, or are going through, the same experience
- Spend time with your spouse and have consistent conversations about how you both are feeling
Natalie Wells and Stephen Skip are another couple who shared the impact cancer had on their relationship. Wells was diagnosed with brain cancer. Thankfully, her husband joined her for the emotional rollercoaster after her diagnosis rocked their family.
WATCH: Natalie and Stephen’s relationship was tested amid cancer.
“These little trials and tribulations life throws at you give you a good perspective on appreciating the things you have and not wanting the tangible, physical, petty things that people worry about and stress over,” Skip told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.
“[She’s] my best friend, my right hand. I couldn’t go on through life without [her]. I love her tremendously.”
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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