Coping With Grief After Loss or a Diagnosis
- Singer Michael Bublé’s son’s cancer journey and “Voice” contestant Simon Sloan’s loss of her beloved father reminds us that grief is a difficult and a truly personal process that can occur following a loved one’s diagnosis. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
- While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief. Faith can also be a powerful coping mechanism for some.
- Know that it is normal to feel sad about changes in your life that might be brought on by death or a cancer diagnosis. Some days can be tougher than others, and overall, talk therapy is helpful — so it’s important to reach out to your doctor, to a therapist or to support groups in your community if you are struggling after loss.
- Remember, there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
Buble reaction to Simon’s reasoning for singing for her dad was seen on the Nov. 26 episode of the show, which Simon spoke about in an interview on the lyrics of the song she was singing and how she connected with it as her dad was fighting cancer.
Read MoreShe added, “My mom wants me to be here. My sister, my brother, everybody wants me to be here because this opportunity being here gives them something to be excited for, too.”
Prior to Simon’s performance, Buble offered some support for the singer by telling her how his now-11-year-old son previously battled cancer and is now in remission.
The “Feeling Good” singer, told her, “I went through my own personal thing when my son got sick, and I couldn’t get through it.
“I just couldn’t, and that’s OK. It’s a show, and it’s not as big as you and as important as you and your trajectory and your journey. This is just a part of it.”
However, it wasn’t until after her impressive performance that Buble said, “I know how brave you are. I know you and your family are going through stuff. You just lost your dad.”
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Simon concluded, noting that her dad told her she was “crazy to turn back,” insisting, “So I’m here and I sang for him.”
Following her touching performance, she took to Instagram to share a photo of her on stage, admitting it was “the hardest thing” she had to do in her life as she was informed her dad passed away just moments before stepping onto the stage.
She then explained, “In his final weeks, my dad told me it was his wish for me to sing my heart out, and for the world to feel the same love and happiness that I always brought to him.
“My journey on @nbcthevoice has brought so much light into my family’s life at one of the darkest times. I felt an outpouring of love that I’ll never forget. To everyone who opened up about their experiences with cancer — thank you for including me in your fight. You inspired me more than you know.”
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She then thanked her coaches, Bublé and singer Gwen Stefani, for “believing” in her, as well as Snoop Dogg, Reba McEntire, Jennifer Hudson, and Carly Pearce for the “kindness,” explaining further, “I’ll carry it with me as I move forward.”
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- Responding to Stress: How to Cope With Complex & Changing Emotions
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Simon concluded but reminding her fans, “This spring, I’ll be releasing an album about heartbreak, loss, and love. It’s a project that means so much to me, and I can’t wait to share it with you.
“I am forever grateful, forever humbled, and I hope you’ll follow along to hear what’s next.”
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Michael Buble’s Son’s Cancer Journey
GRAMMY-winning singer Michael Buble previously spoke about how his son Noah’s cancer fight changed how he “saw life in a big way.”
Noah, who is now 11 and in remission, was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2016.
“That, of course, changed me in a big way,” it changed what mattered to me, it changed how I saw life,” Buble told Red Magazine in an interview from earlier this year. “For most of my life as an entertainer and, especially on stage, I’d become my alter ego.”
“I’d become the superhero I always wanted to be. Then my wife and I went through this unthinkable thing, and I lost that alter ego,” he continued.
According to the National Cancer Institute, Hepatoblastoma (liver cancer), which is what Noah had, is a disease in which cancerous cells form in the tissues of the liver. Blood tests, ultrasounds, CT scans (X-ray images), MRIs (medical imaging), and angiograms generally confirm a liver cancer diagnosis.
As the Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh says, liver cancer is relatively rare in children. Hepatoblastoma only affects two to three people in 1 million.
WATCH: Treating Liver Cancer With A Tailored Approach Can Improve Results With Fewer Side Effects
Children suffering from hepatoblastoma may experience:
- A lump in the abdomen that may be painful
- Swelling in the abdomen
- Unexplained weight loss
- Loss of appetite
- Nausea and vomiting
Since children may not be able to express the symptoms they are experiencing, parents must be vigilant about physical and behavioral changes in their children.
“I always felt like I was Teflon; there was never a moment that could get the better of me,” Buble said.
As his son’s prognosis improved in 2018, Buble was “still a wreck.” Fortunately, by December 2021, Buble revealed Noah had reached remission.
“He’s really good. It’s been almost five years. We still have the scans and the ‘scan-xiety,’” Buble said to Smooth Radio. The National Cancer Institute explains that the signs and symptoms are reduced or disappear when cancer reaches remission. Reaching five years in remission is considered a remarkable milestone because cancers that return do so within the first five years after treatment.
How to Cope With Complex & Changing Emotions
When a stressful life event occurs, whether it be a parent’s death or a child’s cancer diagnosis, people may react with a range of different (and quickly changing) emotions. This is completely normal.
“The way people respond is very variable,” Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik tells SurvivorNet. “Very much consistent with how they respond to stresses and challenges in their life in general.”
In this video, Dr. Plutchik is speaking mostly about how people react after a cancer diagnosis which can be a huge range of emotions from fear to anger to determination.
Handling stressful life events
However, the conclusion remains the same no matter what stressor someone may be dealing with: your emotions are valid and seeking mental health help may look different for every person.
“People have a range of emotions when they’re diagnosed with cancer,” Dr. Plutchik explains. “And they can include fear, anger … and these emotions tend to be fluid. They can recede and return based on where someone is in the process. Going through a cancer diagnosis is just the beginning of a complicated, complicated process.”
Dr. Plutchik explains that the patient, or person going through the stressful event, should accept that emotions will be fluid. You may feel fine one day and then feel a massive wave of stress the next. It’s also important for those you look to for support whether that’s a therapist, friends and family, or both to understand the fluidity of stress-related emotions.
If a stressful event is affecting how you think and feel, it may be time to seek some sort of mental health treatment. This could mean traditional talk therapy, medication, changing lifestyle habits (like exercise and diet), seeking out a support group, or many other approaches.
Moving Through Grief
Grief is a difficult, truly personal process, something Sloan Simon and Michael Buble have certainly shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief, as can turning to faith.
Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
It’s important to remember that anxiety and fear are also totally normal reactions to the news of cancer, or the loss of a loved one, and acknowledging these emotions can be therapeutic and important to the healing process.
“I think the most important advice I would give to someone who has just received a cancer diagnosis is to find people whom they find as a source of support. To allow themselves to go through all of the different emotional reactions to that news,” said Dr. Susan Parsons, Director of the Center for Health Solutions/Center on Child and Family Outcomes at Tufts Medical Center, in a prior interview with SurvivorNet.
Fear, Anger, Anxiety You’re Entitled To Your Emotions
“The anger, the frustration, the fear. The disappointment. Whatever those emotions are, figure out what’s important to you and find those people that can help you realize that,” Dr. Parsons explained.
In times of frustration, it can be useful to a little bit of direction on specific ways to deal with it. A few of the most common ways to deal with fear and anxiety after a cancer diagnosis, that have helped people in the SurvivorNet community in the past, include:
1. Let your family and close friends know and let them help. So many cancer survivors tell us they want and need support but are often too preoccupied to make specific requests. Urge those close to you to jump in with whatever practical help they can offer.
2. Keep a journal. It can be extremely cathartic to let those feelings loose on paper. Grab a pen and a nice journal and chronicle your different thoughts throughout the day.
3. Join a cancer support group. There are groups in nearly every community offering opportunities to connect with others going through a similar journey. You’ll learn incredibly helpful insight from others who can tell you about what to expect and how to stay strong on tough days.
4. Consider seeing a therapist. Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist so you can discuss your fears and concerns in a safe space. Often, vocalizing your thoughts and feelings rather than internalizing them can provide relief.
Caring for Your Mental & Physical Health
Living in gratitude and feeling understood is vitally important, especially while going through a health challenge like a chronic disease.
It takes focus to pay attention to the positives over the negatives, however, the rewards can be a major payoff in time, in the form of good mental health.
If you’re able to train your mind to stay grateful and positive something that can be done with the help of therapy, if needed you’ll find that it can benefit your overall health journey. Not only can it help you to feel better mentally, but experts have found that having a positive attitude may improve prognosis in some instances.
Dr. Zuri Murrell, a colorectal surgeon at Cedars-Sinai, previously spoke with SurvivorNet on the importance of gratitude.
He explained, “A positive attitude is really important. My patients who thrive, even with stage 4 cancer, from … about a month after they’re diagnosed, I kind of am pretty good at seeing who is going to be OK.”
Dr. Zuri Murrell shares his experience with the power of positivity.
“Now, that doesn’t mean I’m good at saying that the cancer won’t grow,” Dr. Murrell continued. “But I’m pretty good at telling what kind of patients are going to still have this attitude and probably going to live the longest, even with bad, bad disease.”
Dr. Murrell said, in his experience, his patients who exhibit gratitude have an easier time getting through tough times and oftentimes have better outcomes.
Questions to Ask Your Doctor
- What can I do if my emotions begin to feel overwhelming?
- Are there approaches that don’t involve traditional therapy?
- Should I consider medication such as antidepressants?
- What are the potential side effects should I decide to begin medication?
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
Learn more about SurvivorNet's rigorous medical review process.
