Hope and Healing After Cancer
- I was diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer on my 40th birthday. Instead of throwing a pity party, I put on some leather pants and headed to a Madonna concert with my best friend. From the very beginning, I instinctively knew my cancer diagnosis would wind up being a gift.
- The cancer battle was tough at times emotionally, but it got me to see what I wanted out of life more clearly and helped steer me away from toxicity.
- Healing after cancer is a process, but by surrounding yourself with the right support system, you can regain your footing even faster.
While some would wallow in the irony and question life’s cruel sense of humor, I instinctively knew that my cancer would wind up being a gift. I just had to get through the logistics (and the emotional roller coaster) of nearly a year of cancer treatment: five months of chemotherapy, a lumpectomy to remove my tumor, and two months of radiation. Oh, and an egg retrieval surgery almost immediately following my diagnosis, since I do not have children, and I wanted to freeze my eggs just in case.
Read MoreHere are the 5 biggest ways that my life improved during and after my cancer battle:
I Dropped the Toxic
When I was diagnosed with cancer, my home life was less than stellar. I was living in downtown Los Angeles in a toxic marriage, and we had only gotten married three months prior. Yeah. As a matter of fact, the DAY before I found my tumor, I told myself that the only way I could see us making it work was if one of us were to get diagnosed with cancer or some other illness. Well, it wound up being me. A day later. And it definitely didn’t help us make it.
The monumental shift that followed was extremely challenging. The cancer part, in a way, was easy for me. I surprisingly had little side effects. But the private hell I was going through at homethe yelling, the fighting, the lack of emotional supportwas enough to potentially singlehandedly stop me from winning this battle. The stress, sadness, and verbal abuse was unbearable. I knew for the sake of my health, I had to get out. I moved out during my second week of chemo.
I am not a saint, and take full responsibility for my part in the destruction of our relationship, but nothing else mattered to me except saving my life. So off I went and got my own little downtown loft, which I nicknamed the “chemotel.” I could put the thermostat where I wanted it. I could get eight hours of sleep. I could just have peace and quiet.
We wound up trying to make it work a couple more times, once I heard the glorious words following my surgery the following year … “No evidence of disease” … but ultimately it just did not work, and I at least knew that I gave it my all.
The most important piece of advice that I could give after what I went through, is create a peaceful space for yourself while going through treatment to minimize as much stress as possible. It’s your life. Don’t risk it to accommodate anyone else. Be selfish.
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I Prioritized Family
When I was 21 years old, I bolted off to Los Angeles from Chicago as fast as humanly possible to start my career in entertainment. I never looked back, until recently. I would go back to visit, but I was just so busy and wrapped up with my life on the west coast. I didn’t realize how fast 20 years would go by. Especially while partying up and down the Sunset Strip. Working hard, playing hard, and burning the candle.
Well, a cancer diagnosisnot to mention a pandemic, which began mid-treatment for meslowed everything down real quick. My mom and step-father live in Florida, outside Tampa, and I decided that I would take a break from everything and go finish my treatment there.
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I shacked up with them for a few months while my mom waited on me hand and foot. Home-cooked meals every night. A beautiful, private pool and spa in the back. It was the retreat I never knew I needed, and it did wonders for my healing. Nothing else mattered but family and being at peace until the next phase of my life would make itself clear for me as I manifested a more balanced life.
Plus, there is an unending revolving door of family and friends coming to Florida from Chicago, so I have been able to spend more quality time with them all. I got an apartment in St. Petersburg and decided to stay for a year while the pandemic figured out what it was doing as well. My own little blissful purgatory.
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I Found More Purpose
As an entertainment journalist in Hollywood, I was able to cover some cool events for numerous charities and work on impactful stories here and there, but overall, the whole operation was pretty shallow. I was paid to care about celebrities. I love music and going to shows, and that’s the prime reason I fell into the industry.
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I was on call all hours of the day and night like a doctor would be, only the topics of conversation were who was spotted with who at the Chateau Marmont. I loved interviewing and connecting with various personalities on the red carpet and for sit-down interviews before a big movie premiere, but the gossip part made me feel a bit soulless at times. Here at SurvivorNet, the biggest draw for me is no gossip, no politics. Just helpful information and motivating others to take charge of their health. We cover the human element, and I’ve learned a ton from working here.
Right before my cancer journey began, I had already been thinking of ways to better myself, and to do something more fulfilling. I decided I was going to go back to school and take online classes to finish my degree, since I was only shy of a few credits. I got back into film production and event-booking at an agency I had worked with for years and took a break from celebrity news. Once I started treatment and eventually went on disability as the entire industry shut down in L.A. and elsewhere around the globe due to COVID, I just laid in bed and focused on my writing. I started sharing my cancer battle on my socials and writing for health sites. All of a sudden, my story was getting shared in The New York Times.
Fellow cancer survivors started reaching out to me and sharing how helpful my detailed stories were for them. Friends and followers started going in to get their mammograms. One friend even found her own cancer after going to get checked and thanked me for it. I have always been the silly, cheery, and somewhat crass person lifting up others and entertaining them. Now I was helping to save them. There’s a difference. It’s an honor to feel fulfilled by helping others by sharing my pain. And now I strive to bring even more hope by sharing my happiness.
Shifting into the health space has done wonders for my own healing, which should have started well before my diagnosis.
I Found My Mother’s Cancer
If I wouldn’t have battled breast cancer, I wouldn’t have been in Florida … and I wouldn’t have found my mother’s melanoma. My mom was reading in the pool one day recently, and I happened to be standing above her. As someone who is highly observant and has had many moles removed and knows what to look for, I spotted it smack dab in the middle of her head underneath her hair. I knew it was melanoma, and it was. Luckily, she had it removed just in time, as melanomas are typically highly aggressive.
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I Got My Groove Back
Prior to my cancer diagnosis, I was coming off of an even more devastating physical and emotional experience. A pregnancy loss. That was when my relationship took a turn for the worse, and we just couldn’t come back from it. Again, I told myself that it happened for a reason, that maybe I wasn’t supposed to be with this person. Or maybe I was going to go through something intense like a cancer battle. My friends looked at me cock-eyed. Sure enough, I had cancer. And evidently a very strong intuition that’s borderline psychic at times. I’ve been that way my whole life.
My body going through the hormonal exhaustion and depression of losing a baby knocked me down more than my chemo treatment. It was much more difficult to me, and the fact that people can brush over it so easily is not okay. I had a massive lack of support during that experience, and I blame the secrecy of society, and how no one ever talks about miscarriage. I eventually shared about that as well, and I was in shock at how many people DM’d me with their own stories, some women having as many as 7 or 8! I had zero clue when I got pregnant that nearly half of the pregnancies don’t make it. If I would have been more cautiously optimistic, it would have helped immensely. Instead, I was practically planning out what the little shit would be wearing when I took him or her home from the hospital.
I feel like my body changed after that experience, and I realized that hormones were indeed no joke. The hormonal fluctuation from cancer treatment brought me back to that time, where it just felt like I was under water and couldn’t come up for air. I had zero interest in sex really, and typically, I’d like to think that I’m a sexual person who is very comfortable with myself.
Reclaiming Sexual Desire After Cancer
When I was going through cancer, I sincerely thought that I would be fine never having sex again. I had zero desire for it. I figured it was from the drugs, but the emotional repercussions from staying in an unhealthy relationship on top of losing a baby then being told you can’t have kids just destroyed any sexual feelings in my body. I also realize that I just was not with the right person.
Once I started getting healthier after treatment, and healing from the war my body and mind went through in all areas of my life, I met someone.
It’s amazing what can happen when you get rid of whatever or whomever is not serving you. My life started getting increasingly better. I started feeling more relaxed, and no longer feeling anxious or in “fight or flight” mode all the time. I wasn’t really looking for anyone and was just focusing on continuing to better myself, taking care of my body and mind. Then it happened. Oh and my sex drive? Stronger than ever.
It’s really beautiful what can happen when you align yourself with the right person. You certainly don’t need to be with another person to be happy, but love can bring out the best in you and contribute to an enhanced version of yourself in the best possible way.
To be continued …
‘You Just Have to Let it Out’Survivor Evelyn Reyes-Beato on Healing Emotionally After Cancer
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