Support after a Cancer Diagnosis
- Former reality TV star Jon Gosselin recently shared more details about his breakup with Colleen Conrad. He says the split was mutual and that he’s still supporting her as she battles breast cancer.
- Going through cancer treatment can be a very vulnerable and emotionally exhausting experience, so it can help to have a strong relationship to lean on for support. That being said, it's important to notice what you have strength for and what is feeling like too much during your cancer journey and that includes your relationships.
- SurvivorNet suggests offering concrete ways to show the cancer warrior you care, allowing them to talk through their negative emotions with you, cooking them a healthy meal that they'll enjoy, doing activities with them that will lift their spirits and working to better understand their diagnosis if you're taking on more of a full-time caregiver role.
Gosselin, 44, is most well known for the TLC show Jon & Kate Plus 8 with his ex-wife Kate Gosselin and their eight children. They divorced in 2009 right around the time the show rebranded itself to be called Kate Plus 8. Since then, he’s only been in contact with two of their children, Collin and Hannah, who live with him currently. He then had a couple relationships following the divorce with the most recent being his nearly seven-year run with 51-year-old Conrad. The two announced their split in August about four months after Conrad’s breast cancer diagnosis.
Read More“We had ongoing issues previous to our breakup and previous to her diagnosis, so we had trouble in the relationship for a long time and didn’t really want any stress during her treatment,” he said. “So, we thought it was best that we just stop our relationship and work on our friendship and get her through her treatment.”View this post on Instagram
Noting that the split was “definitely mutual,” Gosselin added that it definitely “wasn’t because of cancer.”
“I’ll always love Colleen, and we’re friends,” he explained. “It was good for my kids too, that I focus on them as well and focus on other things that were going on in my life, other projects and work as well. Then I could really focus on helping my friend get through her cancer.”
Understanding Breast Cancer
Screening for breast cancer is typically done via mammogram, which looks for lumps in the breast tissue and signs of cancer. And while mammograms aren't perfect, they are still a great way to begin annual screening. The American Cancer Society (ACS) recommends women begin mammogram screening for breast cancer at age 45.
It's also important to be on top of self breast exams. If you ever feel a lump in your breast, it's important to be vigilant and speak with your doctor. Voicing your concerns as soon as you have them can lead to earlier cancer detection which, in turn, can lead to better outcomes.
When Should I Get a Mammogram?
There are many treatment options for people with this disease, but treatment depends greatly on the specifics of each case. Identifying these specifics means looking into whether the cancerous cells have certain receptors. These receptors the estrogen receptor, the progesterone receptor and the HER2 receptor can help identify the unique features of the cancer and help personalize treatment.
RELATED: Treatment for HER2-Positive Breast Cancer
"These receptors, I like to imagine them like little hands on the outside of the cell, they can grab hold of what we call ligands, and these ligands are essentially the hormones that may be circulating in the bloodstream that can then be pulled into this cancer cell and used as a fertilizer, as growth support for the cells," Dr. Elizabeth Comen, a medical oncologist at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, told SurvivorNet in a previous interview.
One example of a type of ligand that can stimulate a cancer cell is the hormone estrogen, hence why an estrogen receptor positive breast cancer will grow when stimulated by estrogen. For these cases, your doctor may offer treatment that specifically targets the estrogen receptor. But for HER2 positive breast cancers, therapies that uniquely target the HER2 receptor may be the most beneficial.
Relationships and Cancer
It's no secret that fighting cancer can be overwhelming, so having physical and emotional support during your battle is crucial. That being said, it's very important to know your limits on what you can handle including relationships during treatment. And while we don’t have Colleen Conrad’s side of the story, Jon Gosselin did say that their breakup was a mutual decision since they’d already been struggling in their relationship and didn’t want to add any additional stress during treatment.
"Going through treatment is a very vulnerable and emotionally exhausting experience," licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin wrote in a column for SurvivorNet. "Noticing what you have strength for and what is feeling like too much… [is] extremely important to pay attention to as you navigate treatment."
Dr. Strongin does note, however, that having people by your side during this "arduous chapter" of your life can be hugely beneficial.
"Studies have found consistently that loneliness is a significant risk factor for physical and mental illnesses and the trajectory of recovery," she wrote. "Therefore, it will be important that you surround yourself with individuals who care and support you throughout your treatment."
RELATED: Sex and Cancer: How to Communicate Your Desires & Fears and Create New Sexual Experiences
For actress and melanoma survivor Jill Kargman, cancer was a true test of the strength for her relationship. In an earlier interview with SurvivorNet, Kargman says the disease "is a great way to find out if you're with the love of your life or a shithead."
Jill Kargman on Relationships and Cancer
"I think it presses the fast forward button on getting to the bottom of that answer, because a lot of people in middle age are kind of at a crossroads, waiting for their kids to fly the coop," Kargman said. "I think if you're with someone who is not supportive and kind of emotionally checked out or doesn't tell you you're still beautiful with that, this might not be your person."
Five Ways You Can Support Your Loved Ones with Cancer
No matter what role you play, it can be very tough to know what to do when someone you care about is diagnosed with cancer. In order to help get you started, below are some ways to offer support to your loved ones with cancer.
- Avoid asking, try doing. Although it's understandable to not know how to best support your loved one during their cancer journey, it can be equally as hard for them to voice exactly what they need or want from you. Instead of always asking, "How can I help you?" maybe try saying something more concrete like, "Hey, can I come over at 8? I'll bring Monopoly." If you offer specific ways to support rather than ask for things they need, it's likely to come across as more genuine and feel easier for them to accept the support or help.
- Stay in touch, but "don't say stupid things." You might never be able to truly understand the battle your loved one is facing, but being a person they feel comfortable talking through some of their negative emotions with can make a big difference. That being said, breast cancer survivor Catherine Gigante-Brown says there are some topics you might want to avoid. "Don't burden us with stories about your Great Aunt Harriet who had breast cancer," she previously told SurvivorNet. "And then you say, 'Oh how's she doing?' And then they'll say, 'Oh, she died.' We don't need to hear the horror stories."
How to Talk to a Friend With Cancer: Don't Say Stupid Stuff
- Offer to cook them a meal. Consider inviting them over for dinner, dropping off a special dish, or, if that's not possible, sending a gift basket with some pick-me-up goodies. If you're able to cook for them, perhaps try to make a healthy meal that will bring them joy. Remember that there's no specialized diet that has been found to fight cancer, but it's always a good idea to maintain a moderate diet with lots of fruits and vegetables, as well as fats and proteins. No matter what, it's the simple gesture of providing a meal that will make them feel loved and supported.
- Try helping them find joy. There's no one right way to do it, but try to think of activities you can do with your loved one that will lift them up. It could be something as simple as watching a funny tv series together, having a wine and paint night, taking a drive to a beautiful place or starting a book club with them. We've seen in previous studies that patients with better emotional health have a better quality of life when going through treatment and actually tend to live longer than those with worse emotional well-being. Dr. Dana Chase, a gynecologic oncologist at Arizona Oncology, says "better quality of life is associated with better survival, better outcomes… having a good social network can be very helpful."
Dr. Dana Chase explains how emotional health is key during a cancer journey
- Be involved. If you've take on more of a full-time caregiving role, work to understand your loved one's diagnosis and help them follow the instructions from the cancer-care team. "I encourage caregivers to come in to visits with my patients, because in that way, the caregiver is also listening to the recommendations what should be done in between these visits, any changes in treatment plans, any toxicities [side effects] that we need to look out for, changes in dietary habits, exercise, etc.," Dr. Jayanthi Lea, a gynecologic oncologist at UT Southwestern Medical Center, previously told SurvivorNet.
How to Be a Better Caregiver for Your Loved One
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