Relationships Can Be Strengthened Daily
- On TV host Maria Menounos’ life-improvement podcast Better Together, her husband and host Kevin Undergaro recently discussed ways to improve your relationship on a daily basis.
- Married At First Sight stars Pastor Calvin Roberson and Dr. Viviana Coles, a licensed marriage & family therapist discuss enhancing your relationship with compromise, physical touch, and random acts of kindness.
- Survivors share their own relationship views with SurvivorNet.
Kevin Undergaro, who co-hosts with his wife Maria Menounos a life-improvement podcast called Better Together, recently discussed ways to improve your relationship on a daily basis. The podcast featured a discussion with Married At First Sight stars Pastor Calvin Roberson and Dr. Viviana Coles, a licensed marriage & family therapist.
Read MoreThe relationship experts discussed how compromise, physical touch and random acts of kindness can improve relationships.
Compromise
The goal of a relationship is to be there for someone else, to enhance this other person’s life via this partnership, or else what’s the point? It’s a give-and-take and even though there are often many hard days, it should overall feel good. When it doesn’t? Many people think about giving up. But before it gets to point of no return, there are small things that couples can do each and every day to connect, which can make a huge deal in the long run.
The relationship experts dive in to one of the biggest relationship-savers: compromise.
“Compromise is something few embrace and many view with disdain – as if you’re losing,” the wellness app notes on Instagram, but Roberson and Coles view compromise as power. “There is a power to compromising in relationships of all kinds, especially love. It takes a secureness with one’s self, but also leads to the best possible results as no couple will ever be on the same page.”
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“Cal and I are both married to amazing spouses,” says Dr. Coles, who is also a sex therapist. “We’re here because we’ve compromised with our significant others to allow them to support us in different ways and then we support them in different ways. And that’s something I think women are really struggling with is compromise, because it has almost become a dirty word.”
Coles serves as the president of the National Sex Therapy Institute in Houston and stars on Lifetime’s new spin-off along with Roberson, Married At First Sight: Unmatchables, which premieres on April 21.
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Roberson notes that people want someone in their lives, but they want their independence, and don’t want toxicity. “It’s so difficult,” he acknowledges, but suggests that each person in that partnership share their 180 degree view to make up one amazing 360 degree view of life. It is rare that a partnership can grow or feel good without compromise.
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People living with cancer often need to be selfish. There is one primary focus: survival. So it’s perfectly understandable to not want to bend on some non-negotiables. A partner or spouse to someone who is sick must understand that, but at the same time their needs should be met as well, as the caregivers are also going through a difficult time.
Physical Touch
Roberson notes how important touch is, and suggests touching each other on a daily basis, and not necessarily in a sexual way. Humans need love and affection. Cancer patients may be feeling more insecure emotionally due to physical changes so this can be especially helpful for them.
“We have physical touch daily,” Roberson says. “Every day there has to be some physical touch. Because I believe when you’re that tactile, it breaks down the barriers.”
Cuddling, holding hands, massaging each other’s shoulders are all simple ways to frequently connect with your partner.
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Random Acts of Kindness
Roberson also says that he and his wife try to do random acts of kindness.
“I made up my mind on day one when we got married that I would always open the door for her. If I’m around she doesn’t touch the door, it’s just what I do,” he says. “I never walk ahead of her, she’s always in front. I want her to feel that I’m surrounding her. I want her to feel that I’m the house band, the hus-band … keeping that bad out and the good in. I want her to feel that protection.”
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These random acts of kindness are simple actions, they don’t have to cost money or be extravagant. Anything that shows effort, even a little more effort than usual, is a random act of kindness. It usually, well hopefully, will not go unnoticed or unappreciated.
Creating and Maintaining True Connections
Sometimes cancer can be a blessing in disguise, because it makes people very aware of how supportive their person is; usually they find out really fast.
“I think cancer is a great way to find out if you’re with the love of your life or a shithead,” melanoma survivor Jill Kargman tells SurvivorNet. ” I think it presses the fast forward button on getting to the bottom of that answer.”
Related: Jill Kargman on Relationships and Cancer
“It doesn’t mean much to me if you’re playing with boobs,” says Laura Morton, as female breast cancer survivors typically feel desensitized from sexual feelings in that area when dealing with the disease.
It can be especially hard for patients with advanced stage cancer. “Any person whose had a break-up during late-stage cancer, I understand it,” ovarian cancer Tara Lessard says. “I think it’s a challenge and it’s awful and I get it.”
When Hodgkin Lymphoma survivor CC Webster met her then-boyfriend (now-husband) at the time of diagnosis, it was rough for her to say the least.
“When you start to lose yourself in sickness and your hair comes out and you start to turn gray and sallow and your skin changes and body changes, it seemed to me that I was disintegrating into a changed form,” Webster admits, which affected their relationship because of the view she had of herself. Luckily, she had a keeper and all humans deserve that, especially people with cancer.
Survivors Share Their Stories of Cancer in a Relationship
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