Living with Cancer
- Author Glenn Rockowitz was diagnosed with stage four cancer when he was just 28 and his wife was one month away from giving birth to their first child. Then, as if that weren’t enough, his stepfather, Ronnie, received a diagnosis of end-stage pancreatic cancer just a week later.
- In his most recent book, Cotton Teeth, Rockowitz talks about his ongoing experience with cancer and focuses on his relationship with his beloved stepfather before his death.
- It's important to remember that a cancer diagnosis even if it’s “terminal” does not mean the end of your life. But it does mean that you’ll likely have to accept the uncertainties that come with living with cancer.
- Grief is an unavoidable and essential part of the healing process following the loss of a loved one to cancer. Things like time and therapy can help you move forward.
Rockowitz, 51, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer at the age of 28 and given just three months to live all while his wife was one month away from giving birth to their first child. But the bad news didn’t stop there.
Read MoreSadly, Rockowitz’s father would eventually pass away. But he has continued to defy the odds and live a beautiful life. And true to his comedic background, Rockowitz doesn’t shy away from uncomfortable topics and the hardship he’s faced in Cotton Teeth.
"I was too afraid to write about certain events in my life that I believe played a significant role in making me who I am today and even more afraid to lean into the pain I knew the memories of those events would invariably bring," he said of the time it took him to put his words to paper in an interview with Kirkus Reviews.
More specifically, Cotton Teeth addresses his relationship with his stepfather, Ronnie, and relives painful yet important memories from some of the hardest moments of his life.
“My dad was a psychoanalyst, so he was nuts," Rockowitz said. "But he was also super bright and intuitive, and he had a lot of great thoughts about life. In the last few weeks of his life, we spent hours and hours and hours talking about existential stuff.”
And while fully understanding the weight of the word ‘cancer,’ Rockowitz still manages to turn a painful and powerful recollection of memories into something light and surprisingly funny.
“My grandma used to say, ‘Just because you shed light on a situation doesn’t necessarily mean you take a situation lightly,'” he said. “I’m always trying to inject some of that light of humor and laughter because honestly, I don’t think I would have made it through most of what I’ve been through if I wasn’t able to find things to laugh about.”
And when asked about whether or not his father would like the book that made it onto Kirkus Reviews’ “Best Indie Books of 2021” list, Rockowitz answer is as honest and funny as you’d expect.
"He would say, ‘You didn’t make me sound handsome enough,’" Rockowitz said. “I think he would be genuinely proud.”
Living with Cancer
Life doesn't slow down for a cancer diagnosis, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Like we've seen in the case of Rockowitz, it's important to remember that a cancer diagnosis even if it’s “terminal” does not mean the end of your life. And it certainly doesn’t mean there’s no more room for hope.
“[Cotton Teeth] highlights the most beautiful parts of life," he said. “If nothing else, I should have been dead a long time ago and yet here I am. I think there’s a lot of hope there as well.”
In fact, our experts say that prioritizing your overall wellbeing and continuing to do the things that you love can be very beneficial when you’re living with cancer.
Dr. Geoffrey Oxnard, a thoracic oncologist, shared three things he tells his lung cancer patients about living with the disease:
- Don't act sick "You can't mope around," he said. "Do things, and in doing things, you will stay active."
- Don't lose weight "Eat what you need to do to not lose weight," he said. "I like my patients pleasantly plump."
- Don't be a tough guy "When you've got lung cancer, you need work with your doctor to keep your medical conditions under control."
People living with cancer are forced to go about their days with an immense amount of uncertainty. Dr. William Breitbart, the chair of the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, says embracing that uncertainty is a part of living with or without cancer.
"Every day of our lives is really filled with uncertainty" Dr. Breitbart previously told SurvivorNet. "What the task becomes is having the courage to live in the face of uncertainty, realizing that you cannot necessarily control the uncertainty in life… the suffering that occurs, challenges both good and bad.
"You may not be able to control those, but you have control over how you choose to respond."
Losing a Loved One to Cancer
Grief is an inevitable and essential part of the healing process after losing a loved one to cancer. And there's definitely no one way to cope, but Doug Wendt shared his thoughts on grief in a previous interview with SurvivorNet after losing his wife Alice to ovarian cancer.
"We're never gonna move on, I don't even think I want to move on, but I do want to move forward," Wendt said. "That's an important distinction, and I encourage anybody who goes through this journey as a caregiver and then has to face loss, to think very carefully about how to move forward."
Everyone's journey of grief looks different, but therapy and support groups can also be wonderful options to explore. It's also important to keep in mind that time does not heal everything, but it certainly helps.
In an earlier interview with SurvivorNet, Camila Legaspi shared her own advice on grief after her mother died of breast cancer. For her, therapy made all the difference.
"Therapy Saved My Life": After Losing A Loved One, Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help
"Therapy saved my life," Legaspi said. "I was dealing with some really intense anxiety and depression at that point. It just changed my life, because I was so drained by all the negativity that was going on. Going to a therapist helped me realize that there was still so much out there for me, that I still had my family, that I still had my siblings."
Legaspi also wanted to remind people that even though it can be an incredibly difficult experience to process, things will get better.
"When you lose someone, it's really, really, really hard," Legaspi said. "I'm so happy that I talked to my therapist. Keep your chin up, and it's going to be OK. No matter what happens, it's going to be OK."
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