The Beauty in Caregiving
- Hallmark actor Brennan Elliott said that caring for his wife Cami, who survived stage 4 cancer, “has made [him] a better human being and man.”
- Brennan and Cami Elliott are tackling cancer as a team, and that can be incredibly powerful when one person in the relationship is also a caregiver.
- Tom Evans, a pastor of the Brick Presbyterian Church in New York City, said that caregiving can be “a sacred and blessed calling.”
- But caregiving can have an impact on the relationship. To help, the National Cancer Institute suggests being open about your feelings with each other, continuing to go on dates, and always remembering that you both are on the same team.
- Caregiving can also be a strain for the caregiver. To avoid burnout the stress, fatigue and illness that can result from putting someone else's needs above your own remember to take care of yourself, too.
Brennan has been married to Cami Elliott since 2011, and they have two young children together. Sadly, though, Cami has endured “several bouts with cancer.” In April 2022, the couple shared news of Cami’s most recent diagnosis of stage 4 gastric cancer, also known as stomach cancer.
Read MoreExpert Caregiving Resources
In his most recent post, he reflected on his love for Cami and the intricacies of caregiving.
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“To say I am PROUD of this warrior queen is an understatement!!!,” he wrote.
“As a #caregiver to my beautiful wife I have witnessed strength and a warrior spirit that I never thought humanly possible,” Ellitott said.
“It has made me a better human being and man to watch and witness your warrior spirit my love! To care for, love and support my better half through this dreadful disease as difficult as it has been and continues to be , it has made me grow to being a better man, husband and father. Admiration for you my love is not a strong enough word!”
He added: “I've always said behind every strong man is an ever STRONGER woman! I can attest to that in spades. Cami u r my HERO! ðŸ™â¤ï¸ðŸ˜˜”
Seeing the Beauty in Caregiving Like Brennan Elliott
Brennan Elliot recognizes the huge impact cancer can have on a family, but he has clearly made a point to find the beauty in his wife’s brave battle and in his caregiving.
"She's a warrior, and I'm not saying that just because I'm married to her,” Brennan told People in October 2022. “I'm saying that because it's amazing to watch a woman fight."
'A Sacred And Blessed Calling': Managing Life As a Caregiver
Tom Evans, a pastor of the Brick Presbyterian Church in New York City, previously spoke with SurvivorNet about the complex beauty of caregiving through a spiritual lens.
“You’re offering something sacred and profound to them, that at a point when suddenly they can’t live or go on without someone else, you’re giving them the gift of quality of life for as long as it might be possible,” he explained. “And know that then, because of that, you are God’s presence in their life.
“They can know God’s love through you, and that’s a sacred and blessed calling.”
Even if you aren’t religious, there is still positivity in caregiving. Especially given the real impact we’ve seen caregivers have on the cancer warrior.
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"Caregiving is the most important job in the universe, because you are there through the highs and lows," Julie Bulger, manager of patient and family-centered care at Vanderbilt-Ingram Cancer Center, said.
"There's so much evidence that outcomes are better when somebody has an incredible caregiver by their side."
But that does not mean caregiving is without its struggles. To avoid caregiver burnout the stress, anger, fatigue and illness that can result from putting someone else's needs above your own remember to take care of yourself, too.
Whether that means going for a hike, getting a massage, joining a support group, seeing a therapist, painting a picture or doing any other activity, know that you need time for activities you enjoy in order to give the best care.
"It is important to have some things that you can do outside of the focus of caring for somebody that you love with cancer," Bulger said.
Relationships and Cancer
Supporting a disease-fighting spouse or partner, in particular, can shine a bright light on the relationship you’ve already built. Just take it from actress and melanoma survivor Jill Kargman.
"I think cancer is a great way to find out if you're with the love of your life or a sh*thead," she previously told SurvivorNet. "I think it presses the fast forward button on getting to the bottom of that answer, because a lot of people in middle age are kind of at a crossroads, waiting for their kids to fly the coop.
"I think if you're with someone who is not supportive and kind of emotionally checked out or doesn't tell you you're still beautiful with that, this might not be your person."
To help strengthen your relationship through what can be an emotional journey, the National Cancer Institute suggests working on the following ways to improve your communication and interactions:
- Allow your spouse to make decisions about their care.
- Allow each of you to help the other as needed, whether that’s making food or simply reading to one another during a particularly hardtime.
- Be open with the other the stress you feel from the journey and how it’s affecting the relationship.
- Remember that you two are on the same team and be open about making decisions and completing tasks both together and alone
- Remember to continue having dates and special time with one another. Whether it’s renting a movie at home or going out to eat, continue with activities you both enjoy.
"Try to be yourself and live as normally as possible. Behaving differently may make your partner feel more aware of the cancer," MacMillan Cancer Support explains.
"It can help to ask your partner what support they would like and find useful. This makes sure you help where it is most wanted and needed. It can also help you avoid misunderstandings."
Though it might not be the case for all couples, there are many who see their relationships strengthen after they are thrown the curveball of cancer.
Jill Kargman on Relationships and Cancer
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