Criss Angel’s Wife Shaunyl Benson on Raising a Child With Cancer — ‘I Was Prepared for Everything … But Not Cancer’

 

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This isn't my Mother's Day post, but it's something I wanted to share. ✨???? There are books on motherhood. There's literally an internet filled with "how to's" when it comes to raising children. How to get them to sleep, to eat, to do better at school. The list goes on. I probably follow 100 accounts of mothers who have a platform of tips on how they mother.. And not to mention the nosy women in the supermarket who stop to give you their unwarranted advice. When I was a little girl, I would practice "motherhood" with my dolls. Rainbows and lollipops. Standard white picket fence stuff. I was prepared for the regular. The normal. Becoming a mother was an incredible gift. I was young and naive but motherhood snapped me into shape. When my first son came along, my whole world changed. I changed.. As an individual. As a woman. I followed all the rules, I even read the books. I was prepared for everything, anything. But not cancer. Now I'm a part of this club.. it's a shitty club that no one wants to be in. It's a club I'd never want anyone to be in. A club of broken mothers. We wear brave masks for everyone else, but when no one is watching we lay in bed and cry. People always say "You're so strong, I don't know how you do it!" Or "I can't imagine what you're going through." But here's the truth.. I'm a fraud.. because it's not like I had a choice. I'm not strong. I'm just a mother. I cry when I'm weak. I clean when I'm worried. I get angry. Anxious. Tired. How does any mother do it? Motherhood is unique to every individual woman. It is a life long commitment and the ultimate act of love and selflessness. Motherhood is a learning journey. It's book still being written by each of us. There are chapters of my book that I wish I didn't have to write, but those chapters have shaped me into the mother I am today. Even though I have a superhero cancer warrior for a son, I am only human. I'm not made stronger than any other mother. I'm just a mother who has no choice but to put on my brave face and be the strongest I can be. And, unless you are in this club, you'll never be able to imagine what it's like to be a cancer mother and I hope you never do.

A post shared by s ʜ ʌ ʊ ɴ ʏ ????✨???? (@shaunylbenson) on May 9, 2020 at 8:23pm PDT

In her Mother’s Day post, Benson noted that while there are countless books on how to be a mother, no one really tells you have to be a “cancer mother.”

“When my first son came along, my whole world changed. I changed … as an individual. As a woman. I followed all the rules, I even read the books. I was prepared for everything, anything. But not cancer,” Benson wrote. “Now I’m a part of this club … it’s a shitty club that no one wants to be in. It’s a club I’d never want anyone to be in. A club of broken mothers. We wear brave masks for everyone else, but when no one is watching we lay in bed and cry.”

Benson continued to say that while people commend her for being so strong during her son’s cancer battle, she has her weak moments like any other mother. “I'm just a mother who has no choice but to put on my brave face and be the strongest I can be,” she wrote.

RELATED: As Pediatric Cancer Clinics Adopt One-Parent Rules Due to COVID-19, Criss Angel Says, ‘We Send the Smart One’

Benson’s post was met with love from fans all over the world — many of whom also had children battle cancer, and praised Benson for speaking up about such an important issue.

Johnny Crisstopher’s Cancer Journey

Johnny was first diagnosed with ALL when he was under two years old in October 2015. After that, he was in treatment for around three years before his cancer went into remission. Then, Angel told TMZ in December 2019 that his son, who was 5 at the time, had experienced a cancer recurrence and would again need to begin chemotherapy treatments. Angel and Benson have both shared regular updates about Johnny’s journey with their social media fans — from the many ways they try to keep his spirits up, to some really heart-wrenching moments, like when Johnny had to shave his hair off during treatment.

Leukemia is the most common type of cancer diagnosed in young children and teens, and about three out of four leukemias diagnosed in children are ALL, according to the American Cancer Society. Pediatric cancer is most commonly diagnosed in children between the ages of 2 and 5, though Johnny was diagnosed several months before his second birthday.

The Impact of Childhood Cancer

The Mother’s Day message that Benson shared is one that really resonates in the SurvivorNet community. In a previous interview with SurvivorNet, Jayne Wexler, whose son also battled ALL, explained that in addition to regular parent worries — having a child with cancer brings a whole host of new anxieties you have to learn to live with.

Jayne Wexler shares her story about how childhood cancer impacts the whole family. 

“My husband and I will always have fear,” she said. “I don’t think we can ever let go of that. Just when he was OK, then he relapsed, and then he had the bone marrow transplant … so there’s always some sort of worry. And I do try — you hear people say this — we do have to live each day and be thankful for what we have. And it’s hard to remember that when you’re caught up … it’s very hard to just sort of enjoy the moment, because we just don’t know what’s going to happen in the future.”

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