Coping With Grief After Loss
- Actors Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci are reuniting for the upcoming comedy drama film “The Devil Wears Prada 2,” and it’s reminded us how both stars have been touched by cancer.
- Streep’s boyfriend John Cazale passed away in 1978 and Tucci’s wife Kate Tucci died in 2009.
- Grief is a difficult, truly personal process, something both Tucci and Streep have shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
- While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief. Faith can also be a powerful coping mechanism for some.
- Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
Streep and Tucci, who have both lost a significant other to cancer, were spotted filming a Met Gala scene outside of the American Museum of Natural History on August 1—exuding impeccable style and sophistication.
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Streep was pictured in a vibrant red, full-length gown, wile Tucci was seen wearing a black-and-white tux, equipped with a polka dot bowtie.
Fans across the internet were thrilled to see the fierce duo back together for the upcoming film which is set to be released in theaters next year on May 1.
Streep plays the iconic role of Miranda Priestly, chief of the fictional fashion magazine Runway. Tucci plays Nigel, the art director for the magazine, which is based in New York City.
Tucci and Streep were spotting outside of the legendary museum, where signs and backdrops read “Spring Florals” as the theme of the event.
According to IMBD, the upcoming sequel, “Follows Miranda Priestly’s struggle against Emily Charlton, her former assistant turned rival executive, as they compete for advertising revenue amidst declining print media while Miranda nears retirement.”
Seeing the actors back together and filming the new movie reminds us of how both Streep and Tucci’s lives were touched by cancer. Streep’s boyfriend John Cazale passed away in 1978 and Tucci’s wife Kate Tucci died in 2009.
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Streep Lost Her Boyfriend John Cazale To Lung Cancer
Prior to marrying her husband, sculpture Don Gummer, Meryl Streep was seriously dating actor John Cazale, who was widely recognized for his performances in iconic films like “The Godfather,” and “The Deer Hunter.”
Streep, who began dating Cazale after working together in a 1976 production of Shakespeare’s “Measure for Measure,” experienced a devastating loss when her boyfriend passed away from lung cancer two years later.
Cazale, who was 14 years older than Streep, was diagnosed in 1977 and died one year later from the late-stage cancer. He was 42 years old when he passed away.
Looking back on that arduous time, journalist Michael Schulman’s biography “Her Again,” which is about Streep, explains, as per the New York Post, “She doesn’t talk about it much. But that year was so wildly eventful and dramatic in her life.
“It was instrumental in shaping who she was as a person and an actor.”
One of the most worrisome parts of lung cancer is its lack of symptoms until the cancer has already spread, says SurvivorNet medical advisor, Dr. Joseph Friedberg
Speaking of Streep’s love for her late lover, theatrical producer Joe Papp said, “She took care of him like there was nobody else on Earth.
“She never betrayed him in his presence or out of his presence. Never betrayed any notion that he would not survive.”
Tucci, Who Battled Tongue Cancer, Lost His First Wife To Breast Cancer
Stanley Tucci might appear to have an enviable life — he’s charming, accomplished in both film and television, and in a loving marriage. However, he’s endured significant personal struggles. He lost his first wife, Kate, to breast cancer when she was 47 years old in 2009, and in 2017, he was diagnosed with oral cancer.
Talking about his wife’s cancer in his book “What I Ate In One Year,” as per The Guardian, Tucci opened up about grief, saying, “It’s always there. But if it were to stay as prominent in your life as it does at the beginning, you couldn’t function. You couldn’t take care of your kids. You couldn’t hold a job. You couldn’t do anything.”
“So, whether we know it or not, we tell ourselves to let it go. And also the person who died would not want you to be that way. Although, I do want my wife to be that way when I die. I want her to be incredibly unhappy.”
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He also shared his thoughts on mortality, “The slower one becomes, the faster time moves. I think about death all the time. I always have. … We used to go to the cemetery all the time and Italians always talk about death. Because there was so much of it.
“When I went to southern Italy in 1973 all the relatives were wearing black. My dad explained, somebody’s always dying, so they just wear black all the time, f**k it. You’re sort of defined by grief.’
As for his own cancer journey, Tucci said in an earlier interview with Willie Geist on Today’s Sunday Sitdown, “I was so afraid. I mean, they had to drag me kicking and screaming but I wouldn’t be around if I hadn’t done that,” he said of Felicity [his second wife] and Emily Blunt pushing him to take care of his health.
What Tucci experienced during Kate’s illness made his own cancer diagnosis all the more frightening.
“My late wife and I went all over the world searching for a cure,” he recalled. “So when I was diagnosed, it was a total shock. I was absolutely terrified.”
The treatment process was grueling for the “Spotlight” actor, and he endured two years of difficulty eating. He shared that he suffered persistent jaw pain before doctors identified the cause. Now, he says he has a deeper appreciation for life.
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“I had a scan, but the scan missed it,” recalled the father of five, speaking about the delayed diagnosis. It wasn’t until later that doctors discovered a 3-centimeter tumor at the base of his tongue.
“They couldn’t do surgery because the tumor was so big. It’s a miracle that it didn’t metastasize. It had been in me so long.”
Tucci underwent an intense treatment regimen that included 35 rounds of radiation and seven sessions of chemotherapy. The process took a toll—he lost his sense of taste and smell and relied on a feeding tube for nutrition.
After entering remission the next year, his senses gradually returned, and he was finally able to enjoy food again. When he was later offered the chance to host his National Geographic show “Tucci in Italy,” he described it as “the most exciting thing in the world.”
How to Cope After Losing a Loved One to Cancer
Understandably, it took Tucci and Streep some time to cope with their emotions after losing a significant other to cancer. Losing a loved one and grieving is something many people can relate to. And it never truly goes away, but that’s okay. It’s about finding ways to live with those feelings and find happiness again.
Grief is defined as the devastation that occurs when we lose someone and comes in five stages.
The grieving process is often conceptualized through five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These categories serve as a framework to help individuals recognize and articulate their emotional experiences. Importantly, these stages are not linear and may arise in any order at any time.
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As you find yourself experiencing some of these stages, remember that the deep emotions you are feeling are meaningful but will eventually shift. If you approach them with compassion, kindness, and eventual acceptance, you will come away from this period with a renewed sense of resilience and purpose.
“Grief comes in waves,” Dr. Scott Irwin, psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, previously told SurvivorNet.
“They’re grieving the change in their life, the future they had imagined is now different.”
Certain days may feel more challenging than others, but according to Dr. Irwin, talk therapy can offer meaningful support. If you’re struggling with grief or experiencing emotions that interfere with your daily life, it’s essential to seek help—whether from a doctor, a mental health professional, or a local support group. It’s also important to remember that healing is possible. As in Stanley Tucci’s experience, joy—and even love—can be found again.
In a column for SurvivorNet, New York-based clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin wrote that it may be helpful to remind yourself that these feelings are “meaningful yet temporary.”
“If you approach them with compassion, kindness, and eventually acceptance, you will come away from this period in your life more connected to your resilience and strength,” she wrote.
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Surviving the Loss of a Partner
Fighting your own cancer battle is one of the toughest experiences in life; watching the disease take someone you love is a different kind of pain. In some cases, a spouse with cancer can take proactive steps to talk about what might come after.
“She wanted to make sure that I knew that it was OK, she really wanted me to have another relationship after she was gone,” one widower told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.
Meanwhile, John Duberstein lost his wife, writer Nina Riggs, to metastatic triple negative breast cancer. He says that while he was watching her suffer from the disease, he couldn’t help but wish things could go back to normal, but Riggs had already embraced her new normal.
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“I really wanted things to go back to normal, whatever that meant,” Duberstein told SurvivorNet.
“She was not for that. She wanted to embrace the existence that she had, even before she knew she was going to die imminently. I did not want to talk about what was going to happen with me after Nina died. Nina is the one that really brought it up, she brought it up a number of times.”
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Duberstein explained that even with the pain of losing his wife, and even though he didn’t want to talk about it at the time, he’s so glad they had those seemingly uncomfortable conversations. “In retrospect, I can’t even explain how glad I am that I had that.”
This is a reminder that having those uncomfortable and painful conversations with your partner can be fundamental to your well-being as you move forward in the grieving process, alleviating the guilt felt in starting to date again, and/or eventually marry.
Finding Joy Through Adversity
When faced a loved one’s cancer battle it can be hard to focus on life outside of their disease or the loss of a loved one. But it’s important to remember that your mental state can actually impact your success as a patient, caregiver, or someone who is mourning.
“I’m pretty good at telling what kind of patients are going to still have this attitude and probably going to live the longest, even with bad, bad disease,” Dr. Zuri Murrell, a colorectal surgeon at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, previously told SurvivorNet. “And those are patients who, they have gratitude in life.”
Dr. Dana Chase, a gynecologic oncologist at Arizona Oncology, also advocates for cancer warriors to prioritize their mental health. She noted that emotional well-being has been studied as a factor in patient outcomes.
“We know from good studies that emotional health is associated with survival, meaning better quality of life is associated with better outcomes,” Dr. Chase told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview. “So, working on your emotional health, your physical well-being, your social environment [and] your emotional well-being are important and can impact your survival.
“If that’s related to what activities you do that bring you joy, then you should try to do more of those activities.”
There are no right or wrong answers, but Dr. Chase says doing things that bring you joy is important. She recommends writing down ten things that make you happy and intentionally making the time to do those activities throughout the day.
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“Sometimes I will talk to a patient about making [a] list of the top ten things that bring them joy,” Chase says. “And trying to do those ten things, to make at least 50 percent of their experiences positive throughout the day.”
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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