“I Felt More Feminine And Vulnerable Than I've Felt In My Entire Life”– Actress Shannen Doherty And Growing After Breast Cancer

When asked why she is talking openly about it, she said she wanted to be honest. “It was just about being as honest as possible. And then it became very important to me that I was there for people who were going through it,” she says. “I would never give medical advice because I'm not a doctor, but I would always say, ‘Advocate for yourself.’ And also, I get a little less trolls and haters on social media now, so that's good. I think because cancer stripped me of my defense mechanisms, it allowed people to see all sides of me.”

When asked about the hardest parts of her journey with cancer, Doherty replied that it was hard to lose her hair. “I remember I got in the shower to wash my hair, and it just started coming out in clumps. I started screaming for my mom. I think that was harder than the surgeries. It was like, ‘Oh my God, this is real.’ Right away, I made the decision to shave my head,” she says. “My friend came over, and she shaved it. We laughed, and we cried. She shaved it in stages, so it was like a pageboy, then punk rock, shaved on the sides. It was a fun experience, considering that I was devastated.”

When asked about her husband Kurt’s handling of her illness, she talked about an important moment between the two of them. “A pivotal moment for me was when I was deathly ill from the chemo. They were worried about my organs shutting down because I couldn't keep anything in. One time, I couldn't lift my head, I couldn't suck on an ice cube, I was done” she says. “And Kurt was crying, saying, ‘Please don't leave me.’ I looked at him and thought, "I can't do this to him." So I dug deep, gathered everything up, and charged forward again. Kurt and I got through one of the worst things a couple can go through, and we came out stronger.”

Shannen chose to have tissue from her body used to recreate the breasts. She talks a little bit about the decision in her interview. “One of my biggest complaints was” she says, “that because my cancer had spread to my lymph nodes, they really had to remove a lot under my armpit. I could almost feel my rib cage, and it was really bothering me. Plus, you have to replace implants, and I want to go under the knife as little as humanly possible. It's a harder surgery, for sure. And afterward, the skin is pulled so tight you feel like it's going to rip open. It's a crazy feeling.”

The specific surgery Shannen chose is called a DIEP flap. A DIEP flap means taking tissue from the belly, according to Dr. Sarah Cate, breast surgeon at Mount Sinai. “It's a big surgery.  It's a big recovery, so patients that are very active at their jobs may not be eligible for that surgery, just because they want to get back to work quickly,” says Dr. Cate. “Patients with little kids may not want to do that, because they won’t be able to pick up their child for several weeks following the surgery. Patients that really want to maintain an active lifestyle are probably better off with implants, and it's a conversation that both myself and the plastic surgeon have with the patient.”

“A typical stay for mastectomy is typically one night in the hospital, if you do something like implants or the tissue expanders.  If you get the tissue from your own body, that’s typically looking at a two to three-night stay,” says Dr. Cate.

“The hormones I went on threw my body into menopause instantly. My metabolism came to a screeching halt, and I put on a ton of weight,” she says about the impact of all the drugs on her system. “Chemo also put on weight for me. Plus, the chemo and radiation drain collagen right out of your skin, so you age really quickly. For me, the hardest part is the scars. Every time I get out of the shower, I look, and it's like, ‘Oh my God, I'm Frankenstein.'”

The hormonal changes have also had an impact on her ability to have children. “It's not possible [for me to get pregnant] because I can't get out of menopause. That would require estrogen, and I'm choosing not to take hormone pillsI can't risk those levels coming up. [It's thought that higher estrogen levels might increase the risk of a cancer reoccurrence],” she says. “We're having conversations about an egg donor, maybe adoption. But there's fear there. Am I going to last five years? Ten years? I certainly wouldn't want my 10-year-old burying a mother. I've always wanted a kid. But maybe I'm supposed to mother in a different way.”

When asked how cancer’s changed her, Shannen talks about becoming more vulnerable and shedding some of her emotional walls. “I felt more feminine and vulnerable than I've felt in my entire life. I was always used to being the strong one, and during that time period, every wall I'd built up in my life came down. I also had a lot more time to look at myself and say, ‘I'm a pretty OK person’ and cut myself some slack. I've had a lot of those epiphanies. It's OK to stumble.”

 

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