Grief is a Journey
- TV host Maria Menounos recently lost her mother to glioblastoma after a five-year battle with the disease.
- She recently had a 40-day memorial service for her mother, and took to Instagram to explain how she was struggling.
- Caregiver burnout is a very real thing. Taking care of yourself by doing things outside of caregiving and finding a strong support group are the best ways to take care of yourself and, consequently, provide the best possible care for another.
Menounos lost her mother, Litsa, last month to a type of brain cancer called glioblastoma. She was by her mother’s side for her five-year battle with the disease, and had a 40-day memorial service, as is traditional in the Greek Orthodox faith, on Sunday.
Read More“I think I’m more sad today than I was at her funeral,” she said with tears building in her eyes. “I think one of the things that I’m learning is that grief is such a journey and every day is different.”
Menounos also gave her followers insight into the complex feelings of caregiving.
“What’s crazy is you get really tired along the journey, and then you don’t have them to take care of anymore, and that’s sad too,” Menounos said in her Instagram live. “The thing you want, the relief you want, then you get it and you’re like, ‘Ah, I didn’t really want this.'”
Menounos said she took to Instagram to share her feelings because she “wanted to kind of change the energy.”
“We were just sitting here talking about her and all the amazing things that we remember about her, how much we miss her, and then we kept crying and crying,” she said. “And I’m like, ‘okay, maybe if I go on (Instagram Live), I don’t know, maybe one of you guys has a good joke or something’.”
She laughed as she requested a lighthearted joke from her followers, but she ended the video on a more serious note thanking everyone for the love they’ve shown her during this hard time and encouraging others to enjoy all the precious moments with their families.
“I wanna just say thanks for all the support you guys have given us as a family,” she said. “If you’re going through this too, I’m sorry, and hug your moms really tight today.”
The Role of Caregiver
It’s no secret that being a caregiver can take an emotional and physical toll. It’s a huge responsibility, and there’s probably going to be some days that are easier than others. Menounos explained it well by saying she wanted relief after her mother’s passing, but still felt sad when her caregiving duties were over.
While it is undeniably difficult to be diagnosed with and treated for cancer, the family members and friends who care for cancer patients also face their own set of challenges.
"Caregiving is the most important job in the universe, because you are there through the highs and lows," Julie Bulger, manager of patient and family-centered care at Vanderbilt-Ingram Cancer Center in Nashville, tells SurvivorNet. "You are there to support your loved one, to manage all of the daily tasks as everything is changing in your life."
Stress, anger, fatigue and illness can come from putting another person's needs ahead of your own, and this phenomenon is called caregiver burnout. Taking care of yourself is really the only way to make sure the burnout doesn’t catch up to you.
"It is important to have some things that you can do outside of the focus of caring for somebody that you love with cancer," Bulger says. She suggests that you take a walk, get a massage or even visit a support group for cancer caregivers either online or in person. Seeing a therapist can also be a help. Above all, building a strong support team can be crucial to preventing or reducing the risk of caregiver burnout. Just know that, no matter what, you taking care of yourself while you’re taking care of them can only help their situation.
"There's so much evidence that outcomes are better when somebody has an incredible caregiver by their side," Bulger says. Research also finds that caregivers who take good care of themselves provide the best quality of care. "So you are helping your loved one in more ways than you know."
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