Grieving After Loss
- Shannen Doherty’s mother Rosa Doherty, lovingly known as “Mama Rosa” as often expressed by her late daughter, has taken over the Beverly Hills, 90210 star’s podcast following her death on July 13 at 52 years old, vowing to “always share stories” and encouraging fans to do the same, reminding us all of the importance in keeping our lost loved ones’ memory alive.
- After the death of a loved one or someone you looked up to, it’s key to remember that grief may look different for everyone. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, and know that even if you consider yourself “just a fan,” those emotions you feel are still valid.
- To distract your mind and keep negative feelings out during challenging times, SurvivorNet experts recommend jotting down ten things that make you happy and making the time to do those activities throughout the day. Sharing stories of your lost loved one can be healthy, and if you need some time to process and take time to yourself, that’s okay too. It’s important to understand that grief comes in waves, some days might be easier than others.
Doherty, who died on July 13 at 52 years old, was over four years into her advanced stage metastatic breast cancer diagnosis when she launched her Let’s Be Clear podcast in January, holding nothing back as she aired out past personal struggles in her career and love life, and candidly spoke of her day-to-day fight, gaining a powerful voice in the health space and especially the cancer community.
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“I can’t help it,” Rosa shared lovingly, as Chris added, “I can’t either.”
“She’s with me all the time,” Rosa added.
Reminiscing About Shannen
The pair went on to chat about the Charmed actress’ fashion sense and how she had the best style. Cortazzo recalled one of the tougher moments he’s had since losing Shannen, going on a trip to Paris, where they loved to go together. Now solo, he held a toast to her by himself at the famed Hotel Costes and visited another one of their favorites, Hotel Lancaster. “I just confronted it and could feel her presence.”
Waking early to go on a morning walk on the left bank of the Seine, thinking of Shannen, he was suddenly met with a huge gust of wind. “I just get chills saying it,” Cortazzo said, “Like, ‘Baby I am here with you’. It was just so brilliant.”
The real estate mogul shared a more intimate moment, saying with a laugh that he had told Shannen “before she left her body” earlier that day before her death, to come back to him as a whale. And he encountered a humpback whale sighting shortly after with his son while at his cabin, like she “waved goodbye.”
A ‘Tough Cookie’ at Times & Showing Love with Her Hugs
Mama Rosa, who noted that she has turned to faith during this difficult time, as Shannen did while she was fighting her fight, shared about her daughter being known as quite a “tough cookie” sometimes when they’d had disagreements.
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But then Shannen would often come up to her out of the blue and just hug her after. “When Shannen hugged you, you knew you were being loved. She was wonderful. And I still feel that sometimes.”
Speaking to the “phenomenal” fans, Rosa said how much Shannen loved all of them, and having experienced quite a few encounters while accompanying her daughter to conventions, wanted them to know when she hugged them, “those hugs were real.”
“She appreciated each and every one of you,” she added.
How to Cope After Losing a Loved One
After the death of a loved one or someone you looked up to, it’s key to remember that grief may look different for everyone. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, and know that even if you consider yourself “just a fan,” those emotions you feel are still valid.
The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These labels help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. These stages can also occur in any order.
The time it takes to navigate these stages can also vary, so giving yourself grace and patience is essential while navigating your feelings.
“It often gets better over time, but on certain days, it can look like depression, and on other days, people look perfectly normal and can function,” Dr. Scott Irwin, a board-certified psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, previously told SurvivorNet.
Navigating the stages of grief
Dr. Irwin added that grieving people are coming to terms with “the change in their life; the future they had imagined is now different.”
SurvivorNet also had a prior conversation with Megan Newcomer, who lost a close friend to metastatic cancer in 2018. She shared her unique way of coping with grief.
Newcomer’s friend was an athlete and soccer player, so to help her cope, she embarked on a marathon race in his honor, and advises others grieving to first “acknowledge your feelings.”
Find Ways to Continue Finding Joy
To distract your mind and keep negative feelings out during challenging times, oncologist Dr. Dana Chase recommends jotting down ten things that make you happy and making the time to do those activities throughout the day.
“Sometimes I will talk to a patient about making [a] list of the top ten things that bring them joy. And trying to do those ten things to make at least 50 percent of their experiences positive throughout the day,” Dr. Chase previously told SurvivorNet.
A guided meditation for the SurvivorNet community
Even if you’re working hard to prioritize your mental health by doing activities you love, it can still be quite overwhelming to think of things you can’t control after losing a loved one.
Dr. William Breitbart, chair of the department of psychology and behavioral sciences at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, says acceptance is an important part of living.
“What the task becomes is having the courage to live in the face of uncertainty, realizing that you cannot necessarily control the uncertainty in life, the suffering that occurs, limitations, challenges both good and bad,” Dr. Breitbart said.
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