Coping With Grief After Cancer
- Reba McEntire, 70, was visibly moved on “The Voice” after a cancer-themed performance reminded her of her stepson Brandon Blackstock’s recent passing from metastatic melanoma.
- Dr. Cecilia Larocca of Dana-Farber Cancer Institute explains that melanoma differs significantly from other skin cancers, such as basal cell or squamous cell carcinoma. “Only about one in every 12 mole biopsies turns out to be melanoma,” Dr. Larocca noted, emphasizing that not every abnormal mole signals danger.
- Dr. Larocca explains that melanoma has the ability to spread rapidly to other organs. “It starts in the cells that give your skin, hair, and eyes their color. The cells change, which allows them to spread to other organs.”
- McEntire’s grief is compounded by the loss of her mother, Jacqueline, to bladder cancer, which develops when cells that make up the urinary bladder start to grow and eventually develop into tumors.
- Dr. Jay Shah, associate professor of urology at Stanford University and Cancer Care Program Leader for Urologic Oncology at the Stanford Cancer Center, adds that, in addition to smoking, people who worked in the petrochemical industry who experienced direct skin exposure to various chemicals are also more likely to develop bladder cancer later in life.
- The grieving process comes in stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These labels help us frame and identify what we may be feeling, and these stages can occur in any order. New York-based clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin says it may be helpful to remind yourself that these feelings are “meaningful yet temporary.”
- If you approach them with compassion, kindness, and eventual acceptance, you will come away from this period with a renewed sense of resilience and purpose.
During a recent episode of “The Voice,” McEntire was visibly moved when contestant Aubrey Nicole performed Martina McBride’s “I’m Gonna Love You Through It,” a song about supporting loved ones through cancer. The performance struck a deep chord with McEntire because her stepson, Brandon Blackstock, passed away in August after a three-year battle with metastatic melanoma.
“Melanoma gets lumped in together as a skin cancer, but it is quite different compared to squamous cell or basal cell,” Dr. Larocca tells SurvivorNet.
“Only about one in every 12 mole biopsies turns out to be melanoma,” Dr. Larocca noted, emphasizing that not every abnormal mole signals danger.
Brandon’s cancer had reached an advanced stage, making treatment options more complex but possible. Dr. Anna Pavlick, a medical oncologist, shared that modern therapies for stage four melanoma now include immunotherapy and targeted drugs like BRAF inhibitors, which are tailored to individual genetic mutations.
WATCH: The Genetic Mutation That Drives Many Metastatic Melanomas
“There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Every patient’s journey is different,” Dr. Pavlick tells SurvivorNet.
McEntire’s cancer-related grief is layered because she also lost her mother, Jacqueline, to bladder cancer, which develops when cells that make up the urinary bladder start to grow and eventually develop into tumors.
Dr. Jay Shah, associate professor of urology at Stanford University and Cancer Care Program Leader for Urologic Oncology at the Stanford Cancer Center, tells SurvivorNet, “There are several different tests that we have to do whenever someone has blood in the urine, and these tests are designed to look at the entire urinary tract.”
WATCH: What Are the Risk Factors for Bladder Cancer?
Known risk factors for bladder cancer include aging and, most notably, smoking.
“The first and foremost thing for a healthy bladder is, don’t smoke,” says Dr. Arjun Balar, a medical oncologist who specializes in bladder cancer. “And I think that’s an obvious suggestion for a number of reasons. But if we can eliminate cancer risks that are related to smoking, that’s probably the most important thing you can do.”
Industrial chemicals known as aromatic amines, such as benzidine and beta-naphthylamine (commonly used in the dye industry), may also cause bladder cancer. Chemicals used in the manufacturing of rubber, leather, paint, and textile products also carry a higher risk of bladder cancer, as do chemicals used in the printing industry and certain other fields.
Dr. Shah notes that people who worked in the petrochemical industry and experienced direct skin exposure to various chemicals are also more likely to develop cancer later in life.
On the “Today Show,” McEntire previously spoke about the emotional weight of that loss. Now, with Brandon’s passing still fresh, the “I’m a Survivor” singer continues to navigate the pain of losing loved ones to cancer.
“That was a real reminder that life goes on,” McEntire said. “We sing songs about it so we can remember the ones around us that we love so much, that we lean on at times like this”.
Through music and memory, McEntire continues to honor those she’s lost, reminding us that storytelling is a form of healing.
Helping You Through Grief and Cancer
- Dealing With Grief Related to Health Problems
- Tools To Navigate Grief And Shame: Dr. Marianna Strongin Addresses These Topics In Her New Column 'Strong In Cancer'
- Mental Health and Cancer — The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response
- Mental Health and Cancer: New Survey Shows Over a Third of Patients Aren’t Getting the Support They Need
- ‘Acknowledging the Grief’ – Losing Your Hair During Chemotherapy
Coping With a Diagnosis and Grief
Grief is defined as the devastation that occurs when we lose someone. Grieving comes in five stages, commonly referred to as the “five stages of grief.”
The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These labels help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. These stages can occur in any order.
As you experience some of these stages, remember that the emotions you are feeling are meaningful but also temporary. If you approach them with compassion, kindness, and eventual acceptance, you will come away from this period with a renewed sense of resilience and purpose.
WATCH: Managing the stages of grief.
“Grief comes in waves,” says Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.
“They’re grieving the change in their life; the future they had imagined is now different.”
Some days can be tougher than others, but Dr. Irwin says talk therapy can be helpful. For the help you need, it’s important to reach out to your doctor, a therapist, or support groups in your community.
SurvivorNet spoke with Megan Newcomer, who lost a close friend to metastatic cancer in 2018. She shared her unique way of coping with grief. Her friend was an athlete and soccer player, so to help her cope, she embarked on a marathon race in his honor.
Newcomer advises others grieving to first “acknowledge your feelings.”
“Then, think about a way that you could honor the person through a meaningful mechanism. So that can be artwork, music, or developing a financial fundraising project. It could be something very simple, but I do think having it be intentional, that this is what you’re doing to help honor this person,” Newcomer adds.
New York-based clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin says it may be helpful to remind yourself that these feelings are “meaningful yet temporary.”
“If you approach them with compassion, kindness, and eventually acceptance, you will come away from this period in your life more connected to your resilience and strength,” she wrote for SurvivorNet.
Health Challenges Can Impact the Entire Family
Research published in The Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine studied the impact of disease on family members. It was found that: “Most chronic diseases have similar effects on family members [as they do on the patient], including psychological and emotional functioning, disruption of leisure activities, effect on interpersonal relationships, and financial resources.”
Feelings of “helplessness, lack of control, anger, embarrassment” are some common emotions parents, siblings, and other relatives within the household of someone battling a health condition may experience, according to researchers.
WATCH: How to talk to your children about your diagnosis.
Other ways a disease, for example, may impact the lives of family members include:
- Affecting sleep
- Concerns about medical treatment
- Altered food choices
- Using religion, spiritual, and cultural beliefs to cope
- Concerns about understanding the disease or illness
- Needing support from others
- Limited freedom
- Worrying about the death of a loved one
Our experts agree that forming a strong support system can help everyone in the family cope with the challenges a diagnosis can bring. These situations can be opportunities to strengthen families and bring them closer together.
Tips to Cope with an Unexpected Diagnosis
Facing a new cancer diagnosis can be stressful and scary — but it’s important to remember that you are not alone and there are many directions you can turn to for support. Experts recommend the following:
- Let your family and close friends know and let them help. So many cancer survivors tell us they want and need support but are often too preoccupied to make specific requests. Urge those close to you to jump in with whatever practical help they can offer.
- Keep a journal. It can be highly cathartic to let those feelings loose on paper. Grab a pen and a lovely journal and chronicle your thoughts throughout the day.
- Join a cancer support group. Groups in nearly every community offer opportunities to connect with others going through a similar journey. You’ll learn constructive insight from others who can tell you what to expect and how to stay strong on tough days.
- Consider seeing a therapist. Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist so you can discuss your fears and concerns in a safe space. Often, vocalizing your thoughts and feelings rather than internalizing them can provide relief.
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