Let's Stop Making Assumptions About Women's Bodies
- Mischa Bergeron was 35 when she suffered a twin pregnancy loss at 14 weeks, then learned she could never have biological children. Eight years later, she navigated through a breast cancer diagnosis and double mastectomy, which took her over a year to heal from.
- Dealing with weight gain from the treatment and trauma, she said women would often “congratulate” her, which started “the wave of grief” all over again.
- Many cancer survivors can relate to the unfathomable pain of not being able to have biological children, or having a difficult time having children after treatment. And many women have suffered from pregnancy loss, it is far more common than most people think, and never less painful.
- Bergeron explained in her essay that adoption is not right for her at this time, and that is her personal choice, but many women should know that there are other options if they so choose.
Penning an essay for HuffPost.com published on Friday, Bergeron explains why women need to stop commenting on other women’s bodies, because many times, they don’t know what that body has endured.
Read More“Unfortunately, strangers feel entitled to ask women about their bodies or their plans to have children,” Bergeron wrote. “When I was a teacher, parents were constantly asking me if I had kids of my own—It was unpleasant, but I made do.”
“However, after losing my twins and having a double mastectomy, these inquiries hit much differently. They felt insensitive and cruel,” she added of the “unfathomable” assumptions that were made about her life.
Sometimes, Bergeron said she would “angrily respond” with “I’m never due!”
Survivors Share Their Bodies’ Journeys
After seeking therapy, she began to let go of those personal exchanges with people, as many truly meant well, and instead, acknowledged the root of the problem — the “appearance-obsessed society” that we live in, and intends to help make a difference about it.
Signing off on her impactful share, the South Florida-based health and lifestyle writer left her readers with this important message:
“Hopefully, we can all be more mindful of our comments and be more respectful of each other’s hidden struggles,” Bergeron shared.
“As I plan for the reconstruction of my chest, I’ve decided to see every encounter I have as a chance to help make the world a kinder place.”
“I hope you’ll join me in doing the same,” she added.
Body Image After Cancer
Unfortunately, cancer treatment often alters the way someone looks, even though a lot of those changes are temporary, it can be challenging for people to go through. Cancer or not, body struggles are very personal.
“My confidence was gone,” says Jaclyn Kaczynski, who was diagnosed with breast cancer at 37 years old and found it really threw her body image off track. “My confidence was destroyed. I was always vain about my appearance and my weight, let alone losing a breast, or both.”
‘My Confidence Was Destroyed’: Dealing With Body Image During Cancer Treatment
Jaclyn told SurvivorNet that she gained a lot of weight during treatment, and that, combined with losing her breasts, really did a number on how she felt about her own body. A lot of women struggle to feel like themselves again after breast cancer treatment. Members of the SurvivorNet community also tell us that deciding between reconstruction or embracing a life without breasts is a really tough decision. While many women decide to “go flat,” others simply don’t feel like themselves after surgery.
In Jaclyn’s case, she went the reconstruction route. “I just had my reconstructive surgery … my favorite doctor was able to make it happen for me. It’s amazing how much more confidence I have … my hair is growing back, for real.” Jaclyn says she’s feeling so good about herself she’s even starting to date again – “I’m keeping my options open.”
Cancer and Infertility
Many cancer survivors can relate to the unfathomable pain of not being able to have biological children, or having a difficult time having children after treatment.
Bergeron explained in her essay that adoption is not right for her at this time, and that is her personal choice, but many women should know that there are other options if they so choose.
Understanding Fertility Preservation
“When a woman is diagnosed with cancer in her childbearing years, fertility preservation should be a part of the conversation, like it’s part of the treatment plan,” Jaime Knopman, MD, a reproductive endocrinologist at CCRM Fertility in New York City, previously told SurvivorNet.
“Everyone in their reproductive years should be advised of their options.”
Some types of chemotherapy can destroy eggs in your ovaries. This can make it impossible or difficult to get pregnant later. Whether or not chemotherapy makes you infertile depends on the type of drug and your age since your egg supply decreases with age.
Freezing Eggs Or Embryos: What Should I Do?
“The risk is greater the older you are,” Knopman explained. “If you’re 39 and you get chemo that’s toxic to the ovaries, it’s most likely to make you menopausal. But, if you’re 29, your ovaries may recover because they have a higher baseline supply.”
If your cancer treatment includes surgery in which both ovaries are completely removed, then IVF will likely be needed to help get pregnant. You should discuss your options for fertility preservation before starting treatment. Surrogacy and adoption are also options to speak with your doctor about so they can guide you to the right place.
Above all, each woman’s personal journey with cancer and fertility is very complex and their choices should be respected. Don’t make assumptions about someone’s life based on their body or whether or not they have children. Let’s keep Mischa’s message in mind — and always be kind!
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