The Many Approaches to Overcoming Loss
- Brenda, 72, and Dennis Delgado, 78, met in the mayonnaise aisle of a grocery store. Over a year later, they exchanged vows in the exact same spot.
- The two made an instant connection, but it was bonding over the shared experience of loss after both of their spouses passed that brought them closer.
- Losing a spouse to cancer can cause immeasurable pain, but it's important to try to have uncomfortable conversations with your loved one if they're open to it during their cancer battle.
- Family members and spouses who have lost loved ones to cancer tell SurvivorNet that moving forward looks different to everyone and it’s important to seek the help you need.
Brenda, 72, and Dennis, 78, first met last year while shopping in the mayonnaise aisle of their local grocery store. And while Brenda went about her business of searching for Miracle Whip, Dennis approached her and made a quip about the masks they were wearing.
Read MoreAnd though their chemistry was instant, it was a shared experience of loss that brought Dennis and Brenda together. Before meeting, Brenda had recently lost her husband of 30 years to cancer and Dennis had just lost his wife of 45 years.
"You never know when you're going to walk down the condiment aisle at Fry's and you're going to meet someone that you didn't know you needed in your life," Dennis said.
Then, over a year after they first met, the couple decided to return to their favorite spot in the grocery to tie the knot.
"It was my idea to get married there," Brenda said. "I'm kind of weird okay.
“We don't have that many more years to do something dumb and stupid.”
The Loss of a Spouse to Cancer
Losing a loved one to cancer, or for any other reason, can cause immeasurable pain. And while it's difficult to imagine life without someone like your significant other, it can be important to have difficult conversations with your loved one in advance if both parties are willing to talk.
John Duberstein can attest to the importance of these conversations. After losing his wife, writer Nina Riggs, to metastatic triple negative breast cancer, he told SurvivorNet all he wished for while she was suffering was for things to go back to the way they were but Nina had already accepted her new normal.
The Toughest Conversations: Losing a Spouse to Cancer
"I really wanted things to go back to normal, whatever that meant," John said. "She was not for that. She wanted to embrace the existence that she had, even before she knew she was going to die imminently.
“I did not want to talk about what was going to happen with me after Nina died. Nina is the one that really brought it up, she brought it up a number of times. She wanted to make sure that I knew that it was OK … she really wanted me to have another relationship after she was gone.”
John said that even with the pain of losing Nina, and even though he didn't want to talk about it at the time, he's so glad that his wife started those seemingly uncomfortable conversations.
"In retrospect, I can't even explain how glad I am that I had that," John said. "And I think, across the board, the people who have had those conversations who I know who have lost a spouse are immeasurably glad that they did."
There's definitely no one way to cope with the loss of a spouse. Another widower, Doug Wendt, shared his thoughts on grief in a previous interview with SurvivorNet after losing his wife, Alice, to ovarian cancer.
"We're never gonna move on, I don't even think I want to move on, but I do want to move forward," Wendt said. "That's an important distinction, and I encourage anybody who goes through this journey as a caregiver and then has to face loss, to think very carefully about how to move forward.”
If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one, or from any other mental health-related issue, check out SurvivorNet’s resources on taking care of yourself body and mind.
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