Navigating the Physical and Emotional Toll of a Diagnosis
- In 2017, Shirley Chatelain, 50, was diagnosed with stage 4 adenocarcinoma—a rare, aggressive cancer in her left nostril dangerously close to her eye. The disease also affected her tear duct, disrupting her ability to produce tears in one eye.
- Her treatment was grueling, and the tumor was deemed inoperable, leaving her with chemotherapy and radiation as treatment options. Shirley navigated not just the physical strain but also the emotional weight of side effects. She remained resilient for her children and continued working remotely as a real estate agent.
- Radiotherapy impacted her appearance, causing scarring on her face, dental issues, and painful mouth sores that tested her self-esteem. Over time, she came to embrace her scars as symbols of strength and survival.
- Now celebrating seven years cancer-free, Shirley lives with purpose and gratitude, sharing her story to uplift others and advocate for the beauty in survivorship.
“When they said it was stage four, I was like, ‘What?’” Shirley tells SurvivorNet.
“I’m thinking, okay, one thing I know—I’ve raised some really, really good kids. So no matter what happens… I’m going to learn to find peace with that.”
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That moment of raw clarity became the emotional anchor that would guide her through a harrowing chapter filled with treatment, transformation, and resilience.
The Diagnosis That Changed Everything
Doctors told Chatelain that operating on the tumor wasn’t an option.
“It’s going so aggressively that if we operate, you will die immediately from a stroke on the operating table,” they warned. “And again, my kids are hearing all of this. I’m like, oh my God, what do we do?”
She cried—but only from one eye. The other was already losing function. Radiation could save her life, but it came with searing pain, mouth sores, and emotional devastation. Chemotherapy was eventually halted when it nearly killed her.
WATCH: How to deal with the side effects of chemotherapy.
“They stopped the chemo and just focused on radiation… I was so weak and my face was burned,” she said. “Although they were giving me medication for the pain… I suffered in silence.”
“I couldn’t eat because I had mouth sores from radiation. I suffer from dry mouth. I couldn’t even talk at times because my mouth was in so much pain,” she continued on the lingering impacts of treatment.
Holding Space for Her Family
Throughout her treatment, Shirley’s priority was protecting her children’s emotional well-being. “I couldn’t allow my family or my children to hear me cry or see me cry,” she said. “If they saw me being weak, they would also feel that way.”
Research published in The Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine studied the impact of disease on family members. It found, “Most chronic diseases have similar effects on family members, including psychological and emotional functioning, disruption of leisure activities, effect on interpersonal relationships, and financial resources.”
Feelings of “helplessness, lack of control, guilt, anger, and embarrassment” are some common emotions parents, siblings, and other relatives within the household of someone battling a health condition may experience, according to researchers.
Other ways a disease, for example, may impact the lives of family members include:
- Affecting sleep
- Concerns about medical treatment
- Altered food choices
- Using religion, spirituality, and cultural beliefs to cope
- Feeling obligated to provide a case
- Concerns about understanding the disease or illness
- Needing support from others
- Limited freedom
- Worrying about the death of a loved one
Her cancer wasn’t hidden—it was on her face.
“People would stare because they’re not used to seeing faces full of bandages.” As her features changed, she found it increasingly difficult to recognize herself. “I just never looked in the mirror,” she admitted.
WATCH: Dealing with body image during cancer treatment.
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Facing the Mirror: Managing Body Image Changes During Cancer Treatment
Facing a cancer diagnosis means confronting change—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. The journey can alter everything from body weight and hair to facial features and energy levels. Treatments like chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery often leave visible marks. Yet even less obvious therapies, like hormone or endocrine treatments, can deeply shift how someone feels in their own skin.
Psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin spoke with SurvivorNet to offer guidance on how cancer warriors can reframe their relationship with their bodies and begin the process of healing both inside and out.
Dr. Strongin emphasizes the importance of embracing the physical changes brought on by treatment, no matter how painful or unfamiliar they may feel. “Although they may represent fear and pain,” she says, “they also represent strength and courage.”
She explains that the way individuals view themselves in the mirror plays a powerful role in shaping self-esteem.
“Research has found that when looking in the mirror, we are more likely to focus on the parts of our body we are dissatisfied with, which causes us to have a negative self-view and lower self-esteem. Therefore, I would like you to first spend time gazing at the parts of your body you love, give them time, honor them, and then thank them.”
From there, she encourages survivors to confront—not hide—the parts of themselves most changed by cancer. In doing so, she says, people can start to emotionally integrate their experience and reclaim their sense of identity.
“As you allow yourself to spend more time looking at all of you,” Dr. Strongin explains, “you will begin having a new relationship with your body. It may not happen immediately, but with time, you can begin honoring and thanking your new body.”
Despite mounting physical and emotional challenges, Chatelain continued to fight. “My response was like—I’ve got my boxing gloves on… I’m going to kick the f out of cancer’s butt.”
Navigating Fear, Work, and Identity
Technology allowed Shirley to continue working as a real estate agent behind the scenes. But leaving the house was an emotional minefield. “Every time I left my house, I would shake so badly… I’m like, ‘Oh my god, I’m having a panic attack.’”
The visible effects of treatment made her question her self-worth. “It took me a long time to find my self-esteem again… I live with the ripple effect of being a cancer survivor.”
Radiation had destroyed part of her dental structure, and she experienced symptoms that still linger—short-term memory loss, dry mouth, and choking hazards from food texture sensitivities. “The emotional trauma of looking different and being stared at” remains part of her daily experience.
WATCH: The Benefits of Proton Therapy
Chatelain says she underwent photon and proton radiotherapy. The biggest advantage of this kind of radiation is that it minimizes damage to healthy cells because the protons stop at the target, as opposed to X-rays that continue to pass through the body and leave an exit dose. However, radiation still comes with side effects.
One of the side effects of radiation is skin irritation. The effect has been described as the skin becoming bright red or very dark, and may also become swollen. It may also feel dry, tight, itchy, and look flaky. Some people develop a rash or blisters in the area where they are getting radiation therapy. These blisters may open and peel. The recommended treatment is moisturizing creams.
Reclaiming Her Power and Beauty
Eventually, the tumor shrank—“a miracle,” as Chatelain described it after treatment.
“There was hope, and it was right in our face.”
Although she wears her scars as a badge of honor, they aren’t visible when she wears makeup.
“These scars are my daily reminder that I survived something.”
Chatelain hopes that by speaking out and sharing her cancer journey, she can add another face to cancer and prove that it is worth fighting and keeping hope alive. One candid aspect of her journey is her openness to the effect her diagnosis had on her mental health. Through periods filled with fear and anxiety to finally finding a sense of hope, patients of all types and backgrounds go on this emotional rollercoaster.
WATCH: How Genetic Testing Can Help Determine the Right Form of Mental Health Treatment.
RELATED: Psychologist Dr. Samantha Board discusses managing mental health long-term
Millions struggle with unmet mental health needs, but cancer patients—and their families—often face an even deeper emotional burden. From diagnosis through treatment and into survivorship, the psychological toll can be overwhelming.
According to research published in Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, “35 to 40 percent of cancer patients have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder,” with mental health challenges becoming “higher among cancer patients with advanced stages of cancer and in palliative care settings.”
RELATED: Insomnia, Pain Tolerance, and Anxiety: Addressing Your Unmet Mental Health Needs
Dr. Asher Aladjem, a board-certified psychiatrist at NYU Langone, points out that anxiety is a natural response to the stress of illness.
“Anxiety is a protective and normal kind of symptom,” he explains. But left untreated, it can derail critical care plans.
“Sometimes the anxiety gets to the point that things stand in the way of the scan or whatever the test is, and people avoid it and run away from it. Treating the anxiety allows for the completion of the workup or the treatment… in a much more effective way.”
He encourages patients to advocate for themselves—even if mental health resources aren’t initially offered during physical treatment. “We are trying to advocate for patients to be able to get the services that they need with whatever support they may need—whether it’s medications or therapy or nursing staff,” Dr. Aladjem says.
Psychologist Dr. Samantha Boardman adds that long-term mental wellness relies on adaptability.
“Flexibility is really at the core of how to manage long-term mental health,” she says.
She encourages cancer patients to reflect on how they’re coping and consider whether their current strategies still serve them.
“Are your coping strategies… as effective as they were in the past?” she asks. “Take a look at your beliefs. Do you have any fixed beliefs that are counterproductive and are impeding you from taking positive steps?”
Spotting shifts in behavior is crucial. The following signs may indicate underlying mental health struggles:
- Changes in eating or sleeping habits
- Loss of interest in people or usual activities
- Persistent fatigue or low energy
- Numbness or hopelessness
- Increased use of alcohol or drugs
- Heightened irritability or anger
- Conflicts with loved ones
- Mood swings
- Intrusive thoughts
- Difficulty completing daily tasks
If you recognize any of these signs, don’t wait. Talk to your care team or seek out a mental health professional. Emotional healing is a vital part of your cancer journey—and you deserve support every step of the way.
Today, Shirley Chatelain smiles with deeper ease and lives with a renewed sense of gratitude. Survivorship comes with its own set of challenges—the lingering side effects of cancer treatment can surface without warning. But for Chatelain, embracing positivity remains a vital part of her healing.
Recently honored as one of three leading women in her real estate field, she’s driven to uplift others—not only within the industry, but as a proud woman of color and resilient cancer survivor. Her journey is one of perseverance, purpose, and powerful impact.
“Survivorship is messy and complicated, but it’s also powerful and beautiful,” she said. “I value life more than I ever did before. I live with intention, gratitude, and a deeper love for myself.”
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