Relationships During a Health Battle
- Actors Mandy Patinkin and Kathryn Grody have been married for more than 40 years, and communication is clearly their strong suit.
- In a recent Instagram post, they shared advice on how to have productive fights with your significant other.
- Patinkin and Grody have supported each other through many ups and downs including Patinkin’s prostate cancer battle.
- Thankfully, he’s been healthy since his 2004 radical prostatectomy the surgical removal of the entire prostate gland plus some of the tissue around it, including the seminal vesicles (the glands that make most of the fluid for semen).
- Facing any sort of health battle can be extremely overwhelming, so having a good relationship with a partner can be immensely helpful. According to MacMillan Cancer Support, communication is key.
- One of our experts also says surrounding yourself with people, potentially including a partner, who can support you throughout cancer treatment is crucial. Especially since loneliness can impact a person’s recovery.
Patinkin, 70, is an Emmy and Tony Award-winning actor and singer perhaps best known for his fan-favorite portrayal of Inigo Montoya in “The Princess Bride.” Grody, 76, is also a successful actor known for films like “The Lemon Sister,” “My Bodyguard,” and “Life with Mikey.”
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“In all seriousness, I think you need to fight things out,” Patinkin said after making some quips. “If you don’t fight it out, if you keep it inside, you will blow like a volcano, and it is not helpful.
“You need to tell the other person this is how I feel, this is what you said, this is how I reacted to it whether I’m wrong or right, you need to say it. If you don’t you just stew.”
Grody continued by explaining that partners shouldn’t be afraid to fight, though it should never become a “character assassination.”
Overall, the couple says healthy fights are productive. And, in true Patinkin fashion, he made sure to end their commentary on a lighter note.
“It took mom [Grody] a long time to learn how to fight, and I gotta say now she has passed me by,” he said. “Now I lose every fight, every battle, but I have little tricks up my sleeve.”
Keeping the lines of communication open and healthy is something our experts definitely recommend for couples, especially when they are dealing with cancer. And it seems this approach may have helped Patinkin and Grody stay close and supportive when he battled prostate cancer in 2004.
Mandy Patinkin’s Cancer Battle
Mandy Patinkin has had Kathryn Grody by his side for many decades. And with such a successful, lengthy relationship comes a whole host of high and lows. For Patinkin, the lows included his battle with prostate cancer.
Patinkin was diagnosed with prostate cancer in March 2004 at age 51 just about the same age his father died of pancreatic cancer about 30 years prior.
"I felt lightheaded and overwhelmed, and I was weeping on the phone," he said of learning his diagnosis.
Thankfully, Patinkin’s cancer was found early, and he underwent a successful radical prostatectomy the surgical removal of the entire prostate gland plus some of the tissue around it, including the seminal vesicles (the glands that make most of the fluid for semen).
RELATED: Second (& Third) Opinions Matter When Deciding Between Surgery or Radiation
But going through with the procedure was a weighty decision. Namely because of his worries that it would affect his sex life. Patinkin ultimately decided it was the right move to make after his doctor assured him he’d still “be able to have a sexual life.”
A Healthy Sex Life Is Possible Following Prostate Surgery
"What's more important, having a sex life or getting rid of cancer?" he said.
Many men facing prostate cancer wonder about how it may affect their sex lives. Our experts want you to know that yes, you can have a good sex life after prostate cancer treatment.
A large percentage of men suffer from problems in the bedroom, or sexual side effects, as a result of radiation or surgery. Some men may have trouble maintaining an erection, while others can no longer have an erection at all.
But there are ways men can get back to being sexually active, says Dr. James Brooks, Chief of Urologic Oncology at Stanford Medicine.
There are several different medications on the market that work for prostate cancer survivors. We've all heard of Viagra and Cialis, as well as different devices including the Vacuum Erectile Device (VED). A prosthesis is also an option.
"Prostate cancer can require couples to think more broadly about their intimacy," says Dr. Brooks, who suggests men talk about their situation with their urologist and perhaps seek counseling with a sex therapist.
Now on the other side of his cancer journey, Patinkin says “cancer was the greatest gift [he] was ever given.”
"I always appreciated my life, my wife, my kids, my music, the fact that I get to do what I love. But I took my life for granted. I would say I didn't, but I did. I was kidding myself,” he explained. “And after cancer, every day, including this second while I am talking to you, is precious to me every sunrise and sunset, every walk in the park, every visit with my children, every time I hold my wife, every time I get to perform."
Relationships and Cancer
Facing any sort of health battle, like the cancer Mandy Patinkin and Kathryn Grody faced together, can be extremely overwhelming. So having a good relationship with a partner can be immensely helpful.
According to MacMillan Cancer Support, communication is key.
"Try to be yourself and live as normally as possible. Behaving differently may make your partner feel more aware of the cancer," the organization explains. "It can help to ask your partner what support they would like and find useful. This makes sure you help where it is most wanted and needed. It can also help you avoid misunderstandings."
That being said, the person struggling with their health needs to know their limits on what they can handle as they prioritize their recovery.
"Going through [cancer] treatment is a very vulnerable and emotionally exhausting experience," licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin wrote in a column for SurvivorNet. "Noticing what you have strength for and what is feeling like too much… [is] extremely important to pay attention to as you navigate treatment."
Still, Dr. Strongin says studies show that loneliness can impact a person’s recovery. That’s why surrounding yourself with people, potentially including a partner, who can support you throughout treatment is crucial.
Actress Jill Kargman, 48, previously talked with SurvivorNet about how cancer helped her realize her husband was the one during her melanoma journey.
Jill Kargman on Relationships and Cancer
"I think cancer is a great way to find out if you're with the love of your life or a shithead," she said. "I think it presses the fast forward button on getting to the bottom of that answer, because a lot of people in middle age are kind of at a crossroads, waiting for their kids to fly the coop.
"I think if you're with someone who is not supportive and kind of emotionally checked out or doesn't tell you you're still beautiful with that, this might not be your person."
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