Sex After Cancer: It is Possible
- Cait Wilde was just 17 years old when she was diagnosed cancer and began treatment, something that made sex after cancer difficult.
- While many women experience sexual side effects both during and after treatment for a variety of cancers, many won’t bring up the topic with their doctors just like Wilde.
- But it is important for patients to understand that a healthy sex life is possible after facing cancer though it may look a little different. SurvivorNet experts offer advice.
She says she felt that she was "left in the dark" about what she was feeling, even though trouble with sex after cancer treatment is a common side effect. However, it is not something that is talked about often, and that is something Wilde is trying to change.
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Cait's Cancer Battle
Wilde tells BBC that sex prior to being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia was "pretty wild," but what her sex life would be after cancer was low on her list of things to worry about.However, as she began to go through chemotherapy to treat her cancer (a type of blood cancer), her doctors told her that sex could be dangerous for her. Why? Well, the chemotherapy left Wilde with a low platelet count. (Having a low platelet count is also called thrombocytopenia.)
Why is this significant? When your platelet levels are lower than normal, your blood is not able to clot as it should, putting you at a higher risk for excessive bleeding. The lower your platelet count, the higher your risk for bleeding. So, if Wilde were to get a small cut or tear in her skin while having sex, her blood would not be able to clot in order to stop the bleeding.
You Can Have Lots of Fantastic Sex After Cancer
Cancer treatments, such as chemotherapy, are known to cause thrombocytopenia.
"It was kind of like having a hypothetical chastity belt put on me," Wilde says.
She says that she lost interest in sex while going through chemotherapy. But then, she had a successful bone marrow transplant. (Once a person has gone through chemotherapy or radiation for AML, the next step is a bone marrow transplant. This is critical in the treatment process, seeing as a person's original bone marrow will be replaced by healthier bone marrow.)
Related: What Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) Patients Should Expect During a Bone Marrow Transplant
After the bone marrow transplant, she tells the BBC, "certain feelings started coming back." She wanted to have sex again.
Difficulties With Sex After Cancer
Once Wilde realized she wanted to have sex again, she tried to masturbate one night. However, she was met with "discomfort and pain."
She says she did not know at the time that the chemotherapy drugs that had been pumped through her body to kill her cancer had caused her body to go into chemical menopause. She adds that no one warned her this might happen, leaving her feeling "kind of broken" and shameful.
Related: Sex After Cancer: Can a Dilator Help?
The shame held her voice captive; for months, she did not tell anyone what she was going through. However, she was finally connected with a women's health clinic. The clinic allowed Wilde to get support and advice for what she was going through.
Sex After Cancer: What it Looks Like for Women
While many women experience sexual side effects both during and after treatment for a variety of cancers, many won’t bring up the topic with their doctors just like Wilde. This could be because they feel embarrassed, uncomfortable or because there is simply so much going on during treatment, that women forget to think about sexual health.
But it is important for patients to understand that a healthy sex life is possible after facing cancer though it may look a little different.
Sex After Cancer: Deciding When to Be Intimate Again
Dr. Jeanne Carter, a clinical health psychologist and sexual health therapist at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, tells SurvivorNet that many women who experience sexual issues feel ashamed because they do not understand how common these problems are.
"Patients actually feel like it's just them, that no one else is having these issues," Dr. Carter says. "So, I think it's important for healthcare providers to raise the topic so it can normalize their experience, as well as give them an avenue to get information and support."
While the healthcare field is making progress when it comes to sexual side effects, Dr. Carter says that there is still work that needs to be done. For the time being, it is important for women to know that there are many different options and many different solutions available for physical as well as emotional issues.
Related: Sex After Cancer: What's the Difference Between Lubricant and Moisturizer?
Coping With Emotional Side Effects
Dealing with emotional issues that may arise due to cancer treatment is just as important as dealing with the physical ones when it comes to sexuality, Dr. Carter says.
"Sexuality is physical and emotional and they're completely enmeshed, so you can't really treat this without addressing both of those issues," she adds. "I think women going through a cancer experience are just really trying to make sense of what their body is going through."
Sex After Cancer: The Mind-Body Connection
Whether you are mourning the loss of a body part, like breasts after a mastectomy, or trying to find the confidence to date again after treatment, like Wilde, there is support and guidance available.
"I just encourage people to explore on their own some," Ashley Arkema, a gynecological nurse practitioner at Memorial Sloan Kettering, tells SurvivorNet. "Sometimes people say that they have a lack of interest, but a lot of times the lack of interest is directly correlated to the pain."
"If sex over time is painful over and over again, then you start to develop a negative association with it. So, I usually try to encourage people to explore on their own or limit activity to external stimulation until they feel like they're able to tolerate penetrative sex."
Contributing: Laura Gesualdi-Gilmore
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