Coping With a Loved One's Cancer Diagnosis
- British singer-songwriter Rita Ora’s mom Vera Sahatçiu battled breast cancer twice and was declared cancer free in 2010. Her cancer journey, which included surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation, has left the “Let You Love Me” singer with a sense of concern when it comes to her own health.
- Speaking on how people respond to a stressful life event, like a loved one being diagnosed with cancer, Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik told SurvivorNet, “The way people respond is very variable. Very much consistent with how they respond to stresses and challenges in their life in general.”
- When struggling with a new stressor, there are many different, and healthy, ways to cope. Some people may seek out traditional therapy, and there should be no shame in that.
- Watching someone you care about struggle with illness is difficult enough, but to be suddenly dealing with the responsibility of caring for them can make the situation that much harder, particularly if you’re nervous you’re not qualified. While you, of course, want to do all you can for your loved one, it’s important to acknowledge your own needs as well.
- “When you find yourself suddenly having to care for somebody, to be the primary lifeline for them, you very well could have mixed emotion,” Pastor Tom Evans, who cared for his own father as he went through Alzheimer’s, told SurvivorNet.
Ora’s mom Vera Sahatçiu, 61-year-old psychiatrist who battled breast cancer twice and was declared cancer free in 2010, overcame the disease through surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation.
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“It kind of trickled into my own health, I guess, because I was definitely seeing the whole experience with my mother.”
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Ora continued, “I definitely wanted to be there for her, so I didn’t realize, actually that, that was a thing until I started therapy.
“I was like ‘Oh maybe I’m going to the doctors too many times.’ But I do believe that is the reason because I saw that happen and that whole treatment process.”
Recalling how “tough” it was witnessing her mom, who she thought was “always going to be there” go through such a scary health journey.
She continued, “Even when you’re a kid, I was a teenager, I was 13. I was very confused. I wanted to be with her all the time but she wanted me to go to school you know.
“I was going to a really great school that they were paying for amongst all of the treatments that she was doing, it was a really hard time for my parents.”
Check Out SurvivorNet’s Mental Health Resource Page
Ora also noted that her mom still feels anxious when she gets her regular health checkups.
“My mother always has that fear just during that period of what if and of course that’s PTSD,” Ora explained. “God knows what that must have felt like to go through it but yeah, it’s a never.”
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Ora’s mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005, when she was just 39 years old. She was diagnosed with it a second time one year later.
She recounted in an earlier interview to Amoena, that prior toher diagnosis. “I had no lump and I didn’t feel ill. But I did feel some kind of intuition about it. I went to my GP and asked for a mammogram, following which my fear turned to reality.”
Sahatçiu also noted, “Your emotional state is the key to your recovery. I wasn’t ready to face other people and talk about my feelings and emotions, but the one-to-one therapy helped quite a bit.
“I think it is crucial to know your needs and seek the help that’s right for you.”
Coping With a Loved One’s Cancer Diagnosis: Prioritizing Your Mental Health
When a stressful life event occurs, like a loved one being diagnosed with cancer, Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik previously SurvivorNet says, “The way people respond is very variable.
“Very much consistent with how they respond to stresses and challenges in their life in general.”
Additionally, when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer and you suddenly find yourself filling the role of a caregiver, the lifestyle change can be jarring.
Caregivers are often spouses, partners, adult children, parents, or trusted friends of the person living with cancer. Although it’s unclear what exact stage or type of brain cancer Serene Russell’s mom has or whether she’s in need of a caregiver, it’s important to remember that many people welcome the role of caregiver and the opportunity to help out someone they care about deeply, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Filling a caregiver role can be extremely stressful and caregivers often neglect their own needs, which can create a host of additional problems.
So what can caregivers do to make sure they are healthy, both mentally and physically, as well? We spoke to doctors, patient advocates, spiritual leaders, and caregivers who have been through cancer with someone they love dearly to round up some of the best advice.
And if you need help with finances, we provide resources you can consider to cope with the cancer bills. If your loved one has just been diagnosed and you are just starting your journey as a caregiver, here are the first steps you should take.
Being Optimistic & Coping With Mental Health Long Term
People may turn to many different avenues to help them cope with mental health struggles, such as traditional therapy, support groups, meditation, and sometimes medical intervention such as antidepressants.
When faced with a new challenge, it’s important to make sure that these coping mechanisms you have to care for your mental health continue to work throughout the process.
“I think flexibility is really a core of how to manage it,” Dr. Samantha Boardman, a New York-based psychiatrist and author, previously told SurvivorNet. “Are your coping strategies that you’re using now, are they helpful in the way that they were in the past?”
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Dr. Boardman encourages people who may be struggling with their mental well-being to take stock of their belief system and ask themselves the following questions:
- Could these beliefs be harming me (like feelings of self-doubt or negativity)?
- Is my mindset holding me back from positive steps forward?
Dr. Boardman suggests working to recognize any negative thoughts that may be making the process of cancer treatment more difficult, and trying to dismantle those to be more “realistically optimistic.”
Taking Care of Your Mental Health
Taking care of your mental health isn’t always easy, but it should always be a priority. One place to start is simply being aware of how you’re feeling and reflecting on any changes you’ve noticed in your emotions or behaviors.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, you should see a professional if you are experiencing severe or distressing symptoms that have lasted two weeks or more, such as:
- Trouble sleeping
- Changes in appetite
- Struggling to leave bed in the morning because of your mood
- Trouble concentrating
- Loss of interest in things you normally enjoy
- Inability to perform normal daily functions and responsibilities
It’s important to try to get help before your symptoms of a mental health issue become overwhelming. Talk with your primary care doctor about any concerns you’re having, so they can refer you to a mental health professional if needed.
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Therapy can also be a way of taking care of your mental health. But know you might need to shop around for the right therapist. Ovarian cancer survivor Ni Guttenfelder says finding the right counselor allowed her to work through the complex emotions of her cancer battle.
“One of the things that my counselor has taught me from the very beginning that has helped me is the concept of acceptance,” she said. “Acceptance is a process. It’s like downloading a computer file in increments. Visualizing it in that way has really helped me.”
Meditation and practicing mindfulness can also be great tools in mental health care. Dr. Deepak Chopra, acclaimed author and pioneer of mindfulness movement, previously spoke with SurvivorNet about mindfulness. He says asking yourself who you are is the first step on the path to practicing mindfulness.
“If we can combine our actions in the world with reflective self inquiry, love and compassion, and a state of secure, stable, ornamental, peaceful being without the addictions that humans have, then we can begin our journey of healing,” Dr. Chopra explained.
In addition, medications can also help people with a mental health illness. They are not necessary for everyone, but medications can make a difference. And there should be no shame attached to taking them.
That being said, it can be tricky to find the right one and your needs may change over time. Dr. Plutchik says genetic testing through Genomind can help. It gives a profile of how a person is likely to respond to different types of psychiatric medications.
MORE: How Can Genetic Testing Help Determine the Right Form of Mental Health Treatment?
“Doing the genetic testing has absolutely transformed the landscape of psycho-pharmacology,” Dr. Plutchik told SurvivorNet. “It’s something that I highly recommend for anybody that is taking medication, whether they are being treated for cancer, or not.
“I recommend it for children who are taking medication. I recommend it for elderly people. Anybody who is taking medication, I think, can greatly benefit from genetic testing.”
Questions to Ask Your Doctor
- What type of treatment should I seek if I’m struggling with negative thoughts?
- Are there any local support groups for people in my situation?
- How might struggling with mental health affect my treatment?
- Should I consider medical interventions such as antidepressants?
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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