5 Ways Male Cancer Survivors Can Restore Sexual Function During Quarantine

Sex therapy is just another form of psychotherapy designed to get to the bottom of sexual dysfunction, physical and mental, and help you reach solutions that a therapist with out a sex therapy certificate or your health care provider may not be able to identify. Sex therapists provide education and exercises, both partnered and solo, to gradually help you reach the sexual confidence you desire through healthy and consensual means.

When selecting a sex therapist, be as picky as humanly possible (remember you'll be sharing your deepest vulnerabilities with this person). Consider a male sex therapist if this makes you more comfortable, and look for a therapist who specializes in impotence, erectile dysfunction and poor body-image due to cancer treatment and survivorship.

2. Rebuild (or Gain) a Positive Body Image

Easier said than done, right? Unfortunately, men are often excluded from the rising body-positivity movement. With cosmetic surgery rising 325 percent from 1997, it's safe to conclude that men are struggling with their body image (cancer survivors or not). Research shows that male body dissatisfaction can lead to depression, social anxiety, loneliness and muscle dysmorphia, all of which have the potential to contribute to poor sexual function. For men who have survived cancer and are trying to get their life back, this can be devastating.

Here are a couple of ways to practice building a positive body image:

Refocus self-talk. This doesn't mean, "Don't think bad thoughts, don't think bad thoughts…" In fact, according to Social Psychologist Daniel Wegner, that technique will thrust you right in the midst of those unwanted thoughts. Instead, every time a less-than-kind comment passes through your mind, acknowledge it and counter it with a compliment. What's something you love about yourself? Continuously remind you what you love about you, mind, body and soul.

Refocus your attention. Instead of focusing on yourself, focus your attention on what you love about others. Not what you wish you could emulate about the Brad Pitts and Chris Pratts of the world, but what beautiful qualities truly draw you to other people. You'll be amazed by how a constant stream of niceties towards passersby rubs off on your own self-image.

3. Explore Power-Play With a Partner

Fatigue during sex is one of the most common complaints of men in cancer treatment and cancer survivorship. If you just keep tiring out during sex and exhaustion is keeping you from maintaining an erection, consider switching up the power dynamics in your sex life. If your tendency is to assume physically dominant positions during intercourse, discuss experimenting with different roles with your partner (this discussion should take place prior to sexual activity, not during). Allowing your partner to move into a more dominant physical role (if this excites them as well) will give you a physical break and might increase arousal.

4. Explore Kink in Your Fantasies

As a society we've more-or-less graduated from the belief that you will be struck by a lightning bolt from above or spontaneously combust upon touching yourself. But a lot of myth still surrounds masturbation. For example, does masturbation decrease testosterone? Will masturbation decrease arousal with your partner? Can you masturbate too much? The short answer is, no.

Many men in cancer survivorship worry about their testosterone levels and may believe that masturbation decreases T-levels. This is simply not true. Testosterone levels rise during masturbation and sex and fall back to normal levels after orgasm. Additionally, masturbation is tied to positive body-image and may actually improve your partnered sex, as it allows you to freely explore what turns you on. Use masturbation to explore kink and find new ways to ignite your sexual passion that can translate to partner play.

If you're still worried that masturbation (and a subsequent orgasm) will lessen your arousal with your partner, try touching yourself then stopping before completion to build up sexual energy.

5. Talk to Your Provider About Treatment Options

Your provider may be able to help you begin a process called penile rehabilitation, or erectile rehabilitation. If your reproductive cancer treatment included surgery, the recovery time may last up to two years. If you don't have an erection during this time, the tissue in your penis may weaken, causing inability to gain erections naturally.

Penile rehabilitation consists of two parts. The first is ensuring you get two or three erections per week (that are hard enough for penetration) to keep the tissue in the penis healthy. The second is a low dose pill to increase blood flow around the nerves in the penis and to help the penis heal. Your provider may also prescribe you viagra or a similar medication, a vacuum erection device (VED) to help you get and maintain an erection, injection therapy (which, as the term implies, involves injecting medication directly into the base of the penis) or hormone replacement therapy to increase your testosterone.

The bottom line is to be kind to yourself. Sometimes, even with all of the therapy and treatment in the world, restoring your sexual function and passion after cancer just takes time. Use your time in quarantine (whether you’re quarantining solo or with a partner) to do what feels good to you. Explore new fantasies, build up your self-esteem and be patient with yourself.

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