Wrestling With Whether to Keep Diagnosis Private or Share
- A woman, 31, is stunned to learn her father waged a private battle with cancer for years without telling her. Her father later told her he didn’t want to burden his children. Although she wished he had told her sooner to offer support, she respected her dad’s decision.
- Some people battling a disease or cancer are open to sharing their experiences as much as they can, while others prefer to keep it to themselves. SurvivorNet experts say both approaches and everything in between are valid.
- Some possible reasons why cancer patients may choose to keep their diagnosis private are to maintain a sense of privacy and control and avoid pity, stigma, and discrimination.
- Patients may also be motivated to keep their diagnoses private because they want to reclaim a sense of normalcy and protect their loved ones.
- If you find yourself wrestling with your emotions because of a diagnosis, remember you don’t have to go it alone. Your support group filled with loved ones are there to help you on your journey.
The bond between a 31-year-old woman and her father has grown immeasurably stronger in recent years, following the revelation of a profound personal secret: her father’s cancer diagnosis.
“I was upset that he didn’t want my support during that time, which I hoped would have helped ease the anxiety and fear I assume he must have been feeling,” Sophie Katzman wrote in an essay for Huffington Post.
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Katzman’s discovery emerged after her father and mother were arguing, then her dad said, “You know I’m a cancer survivor!” Although specific details regarding Katzman’s father’s cancer remain private, choosing whether to share his diagnosis is something many cancer patients wrestle with.Those words stunned Katzman as she was unsure of how to process it. A cancer diagnosis can spawn a flurry of emotions for the patient and their loved ones. As Katzman reflected on whether she had missed any noticeable clues, she realized her dad went to the doctor more frequently during the COVID-19 pandemic.
“When I asked if there was a reason why [he went to the doctor more frequently], he quickly changed the subject. Eventually, I stopped asking,” Katzman said.
After talking with her dad about his cancer journey, she learned that during the pandemic, he missed a routine screening.
“When he was able to get the test, the results revealed he had cancer. The treatment consisted of surgery to eliminate the cancerous cells, which initially seemed to remove everything,” she explained.
However, her father’s cancer returned, and he had to undergo radiation and hormone therapy before reaching remission.
Katzman said her dad told her he kept his cancer battle private because he didn’t want to worry her or her siblings.
“He didn’t want to tell my siblings and me about the cancer until he knew whether the treatment would eradicate it. He said that he was worried enough about himself and didn’t want to burden us,” she explained.
Although it took some time, Katzman said she grew to respect her dad’s decision to keep his cancer diagnosis to himself. Now, she says they are closer and more honest with each other.
Helping Patients Cope with a Cancer Diagnosis
When Is It Okay to Share Your Diagnosis?
Some people battling a disease or cancer are open to sharing their experiences as much as they can, while others prefer to keep it to themselves or close loved ones. SurvivorNet experts say both approaches and everything in between, are valid.
“Patients who have just been diagnosed with cancer sometimes wonder how they are going to handle the diagnosis of the cancer in social situations,” psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik explains.
Questions like “How much information should they share and with whom should they share the information?” are things Plutchik says patients take into consideration.
Dr. Plutchik explains, “There is no one right way to handle this diagnosis. People should do what feels right to them.”
A cancer journey can last months to years, which means cancer warriors may be experiencing a lot of uncertainty until they fully understand where their health stands. This uncertainty can influence when a cancer patient is ready to share their diagnosis, Dr. Plutchik further explained.
Dr. Plutchik stresses that those close to a person going through cancer should be respectful of their wishes when it comes to disclosing their diagnosis and seeking support.
Adjusting to Life After a Diagnosis
A cancer diagnosis will undoubtedly upend your life in some form, but learning to cope with the onset of changes can make the adjustment easier to bear. You may notice your emotions and feelings fluctuating, ranging from high anxiety to depression. Experiencing a range of emotions and feelings is completely normal.
Dr. Plutchik says your emotions are likely to be fluid in the first few days, weeks, and possibly even months after a diagnosis.
Cancer patients are encouraged to build a support system of people they trust to help manage these emotions during this sensitive period. Mental health professionals are also very helpful in managing emotions during the cancer journey.
Cancer and treatment can have an impact on your physical appearance. Chemotherapy, for example, often causes hair loss, which can drastically alter how you view yourself.
WATCH: Dealing With Anxiety After Hair Loss
Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin explained to SurvivorNet, “Cancer changes who you are both physically and emotionally.”
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology questioned how self-esteem should be considered in cancer patients. Researchers noted cancer patients’ framing of their diagnosis and how they cope with their diagnosis and subsequent treatment impacts their self-esteem throughout their cancer journeys.
“Adaptive adjustment strategies (positive reframing, use of emotional support, active coping, acceptance, and planning) in breast cancer patients were associated with high self-esteem. Social support also appears to be strongly related to self-esteem,” the study says.
WATCH: How a breast cancer survivor embraced changes to her body.
Dr. Strongin suggests looking at the part or parts of your body impacted by the cancer or cancer treatment to help you cope with body changes. She recommends creating a regular practice of accepting your body image because it enables you to accept your cancer journey emotionally and physically.
“As you allow yourself to spend more time looking at all of you, you will begin having a new relationship with your body. It may not happen immediately, but you can start honoring and thanking your new body with time.
“Just because the treatment is behind you, the emotional recovery can take longer,” Dr. Strongin adds.
If you find yourself wrestling with your emotions because of a diagnosis, remember you don’t have to go it alone. Your support group is filled with loved ones who are there to help you on your journey.
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