Coping With The Loss Of a Parent
- Actress Vanessa Hudgens’ lost her dad Greg Hudgens to stage 4 cancer when she was 27. Today, she keeps his memory alive by “talking” to him and doing what she loves in his honor.
- Dealing with the loss of a loved one to cancer is incredibly challenging, but moving forward with the lessons your loved one shared and remembering you don't have to forget them can be a great place to start.
- Camila Legaspi, who lost her mom to breast cancer, told SurvivorNet that she processed her grief by letting her mom’s passing be inspiration for poetry, fiction, and anything else she wrote.
- Grief is an unavoidable and important part of healing following the loss of a loved one to cancer, and talk therapy can be a useful tool to cope.
The 34-year-old California native and actressalso known for her roles in “The Princess Switch” and “Spring Breakers”lost her beloved dad just one day before her big performance as Rizzo in Fox’s “Grease Live.”
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“I realized, ‘I am not a child anymore. I am not a teen. I am fully an adult, and there are so many responsibilities that come with that.’ I felt extremely overwhelmed.”
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Recounting how her 20s were “such a roller coaster,” the singer explained, “I had so many high moments, but I lost my dad. My [boyfriend at the time, actor Austin Butler] also lost his mom. We dealt with a lot of death.”
“I felt like [the death of my father] really pushed me to expand and grow as a person, whether I liked it or not,” she continued.
“I [now] feel like those moments are really great to have because they force you to reassess your life, what you believe in, what you stand for, who you want to be.”
Hudgens previously spoke about how she keeps her dad alive despite his absence in her life.
“I talk to him constantly. I just continued to do what I love,” Hudgens told People. “He was such a supporter of allowing me to continue to follow my dreams without him driving me to L.A. for auditions all the time. I would not have been possible.”
She added that she plans to “continue doing what I love and to keep doing it in his name. Without him I obviously would not be here, in many ways.”
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Hudgens described her dad as “the strong silent” who got emotional whenever she performed.
“I just always have that image of him, the proud look that he got on his face when he saw me doing what I loved. I know he's up there looking down with that same look on his face,” she said.
For anyone dealing with the death of a loved one, like Hudgens, she advised, “Just continue to live your life. I think that's what our parents want for us. They want us to have our best life possible and to not drown in the sorrow of it.”
Coping After Losing A Parent To Cancer
Going through stages of grief is something everyone deals with after a friend or loved one passes away from cancer. When you lose a parent to cancer, especially if it happens at a younger age, that feeling of loss and sadness can really linger.
But that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing.
‘Therapy Saved My Life’: After Losing A Loved One, Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help
In the case of Camila Legaspi, who lost her mom to breast cancer when she was in high school, she previously told SurvivorNet that the tragedy of losing a parent as a teenager kind of defined her high school experience.
After going off to college, she was able to turn that huge sense of loss that she felt into inspiration for creating.
“I actually took this sadness and let it motivate me,” Legaspi told SurvivorNet.
“I learned that it's OK to be sad sometimes. It's OK to carry sadness with you … it's not always a bad thing. It makes you who you are and it gives you a story to tell and it helps you teach other people to cope with their sadness.”
Legaspi, who is one of four siblings, described her mom as a very creative person. She said she turned to writing as an outlet and used her mother's creativity as a motivator.
Legaspi went to Princeton University and got involved with the school's magazine. She explained that instead of thinking of the loss of her mother as something terrible that happened to her family, she has let it serve as inspiration for poetry, fiction, or whatever else she may be inspired to write.
“I've learned to have it impact me in a positive way, and have it not just be a sad story … instead, I'm using it for a better purpose,” Legaspi said.
In an earlier interview with SurvivorNet, Caleb Farley opened up to us about his mother's battle with breast cancer.
His mother fought two battles with cancer and he watched as she went through multiple rounds of chemotherapy while still working and taking care of their family.
Having lost his mom to breast cancer in 2018, he knew he wanted to be extra careful during the pandemic. When he had the chance to play as a cornerback for the Virginia Tech Hokies football team, he backed out due to COVID-19 concerns.
Farley announced the news of his decision not to play with Virginia Tech in an Instagram video saying, in part, “I cannot afford to lose another parent or loved one … Though the competitor in me badly wants to play this season, I cannot ignore what's going on in my heart, and I must make the decision that brings me the most peace.”
(Farley trained for the NFL Draft instead of playing for Virginia Tech, and his efforts paid off. In the first round of the 2021 NFL Draft, the Tennessee Titans selected Farley as the number 22 overall pick.)
Today, Farley is taking the many life lessons he learned from her and applying them to whatever challenges he faces in life.
Coping With Grief
Grief is known to “come in waves” and never fully leave you after a loved one has died. To grieve is to have fully loved someone, and that's a beautiful thing but the process of grief, can be fulling of missing, longing, and sadness.
Coping with grief after the loss of a loved one, or after a diagnosis of a disease like cancer, can be helped by seeing a psychiatrist, counselor, or oncological social worker.
You don't have to suffer through your grief alone. Seek outside support when you've lost someone close to you.
Dealing With Grief After a Cancer Diagnosis
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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