Coping With The Loss of a Loved One
- Fitness guru Kayla Itsines, who created the meal-planning and workout app, Sweat with Kayla, coped with her mother-in-law’s death through exercise, and although it’s been more than a year since her heartbreaking loss, we’re still admiring Itsines’ strength she exuded through adversity.
- Grief is a difficult, truly personal process, something Itsines has shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
- While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief. Faith can also be a powerful coping mechanism for some.
- Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
- According to our experts, there is strong evidence that moderate-intensity aerobic training and/or resistance exercise during and after cancer treatment can reduce anxiety, depressive symptoms and fatigue and improve health-related quality of life and physical function. However, as always, going through cancer or not, listen to your body and be sure not to push too hard.
- Overall, prioritizing your mental and emotional health by doing things that make you happy can be very beneficial during a cancer journey, whether it being your own or a loved ones. Living your passion and doing things that bring you joy every day is how people take control back.
It’s been more than a year since her husband Jay Woodroffe’s mom passed away from cancer, but we’re looking back on Itsine’s strength and determination to combat the sadness she experienced.
Read MoreHowever, she recounted how focusing on her fitness helped her through it all.
Itsines explained, “I was sitting on the couch before and I was like, ”get up, do something, if you don’t do something now, you’ll never do anything because you’re so sad and exercise will make you feel better.”
She admitted that it was a “week five” workout from her fitness app which ultimately “kickstarted my whole brain again.”
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Marking one year since her mother-in-law’s death, on February 9, Itsines posted a sweet video clip in memory of the woman she misses dearly, writing, “I can’t believe it’s been one whole year since we lost my beautiful mother-in-law, Jenny. One year of missing her voice, her strength, and the way she made everything feel a little more special.
“This video makes me miss her so much… her love for Jax & Arna was so special to witness. I wish I could give her a call or one more hug. There are no words for how much we love and miss her.”
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She added, “I remind myself on the hard days that grief is just love with nowhere to go. If you’re experiencing grief too, know that you’re not alone.”
Itsine’s husband also shared an incredible heartwarming tribute to his late mom on Instagram, on February 11, 2024, just days after her passing, writing, “I’ve always been scared of 2 things in life. Losing my mum and death in general. The thought of these two things would send me so far into a downward spiral, I hated it … so what did I do? I ignored it.
“After my dad passed away when I was younger, I chose from that day forward to stay away from death.. no funerals, no talking about it… nothing. After the last week, I can say with confidence that I am no longer scared anymore. I can say with certainty I truly witnessed something so magical, so out of this world… you had to be there to believe it.”
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He continued, “As I lay with my sister, either side of my mum… we watched as she peacefully took her last breath. I watched as the lights began to flicker in the room, the curtains blew open and I felt truly that she was being gently taken away by my dad, my grandma and my grandpa. I have never felt so sad yet so at peace and so happy with that perfect moment.
“My mum was my best friend, my hype woman, my everything and she meant everything to me. Words cannot even begin to describe how empty my heart feels in one sense and yet, somehow it is filled with something else – a true belief that my mum is somewhere beautiful… and that to me, means everything. I love you mum, my angel. I know you are always with me.”
Expert Resources On Coping With Loss
- Dealing With Grief Related to Health Problems
- Mental Health: Understanding the Three Wellsprings of Vitality
- Mental Health and Cancer — The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response
- How to Handle the Emotional Toll of Caring for a Loved One: Prioritizing Your Mental Health
- How to Be Realistically Optimistic: Coping With Mental Health Long-Term
We also love how Itsines continues to offer words of inspiration on her Instagram page, as she shared the following quote last month, “People don’t decided their future. They decide their habits and their habits decide their future.”
She captioned the post, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… your habits will shape your life. Not the ‘perfect’ routine, no crazy motivation… just the small things you do every day.
“It’s easy to think change needs to be big and dramatic, but honestly? It’s the little things. Like filling up your water bottle before bed. Laying out your workout clothes the night before. Moving your body even if it’s just for 10 minutes.”
Itsines concluded, ” These things add up — trust me. Nobody woke up one day with a successful business or with the ability to hit a PB. It was habit, routine, and showing up day after day that got them there.
“So if you’re building new habits right now, I’m proud of you. And if you’ve fallen off? Just start again. No pressure, no guilt. Small steps.”
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The Power of Exercise
Dr. Sairah Ahmed, associate professor in the Division of Cancer Medicine at the University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center, wants you to know that being in good shape during cancer is very beneficial. And the same goes for those coping with a loved one battling a disease.
“I think that, in terms of cancer, oftentimes patients feel that they don’t have any control over any part of their life, and that’s not true,” Ahmed told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.
“The more physically fit you are going through your cancer treatment, the less side effects you’ll have and the faster you’ll get back to your normal quality of life.”
What to know about diet and exercise if you have cancer
According to the National Cancer Institute, physical activity is beneficial for cancer survivors. The NCI cited findings from a report of the 2018 American College of Sports Medicine International Multidisciplinary Roundtable on physical activity and cancer prevention and control in saying that exercise is generally good for cancer survivors. The roundtable also found:
- Strong evidence that moderate-intensity aerobic training and/or resistance exercise during and after cancer treatment can reduce anxiety, depressive symptoms and fatigue and improve health-related quality of life and physical function.
- Strong evidence that exercise training is safe in persons who have or might develop breast-cancer-related lymphedema.
- Some evidence that exercise is beneficial for bone health and sleep quality.
- Insufficient evidence that physical activity can help prevent cardiotoxicity or chemotherapy-induced peripheral neuropathy or improve cognitive function, falls, nausea, pain, sexual function or treatment tolerance.
Dr. Dana Chase encourages those facing cancer to find moments of joy during treatment
Life After Loss
It’s normal to feel sad about changes in your life that might be brought on by death or a cancer diagnosis.
“Grief comes in waves,” says Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. “They’re grieving the change in their life, the future they had imagined is now different.”
Some days can be tougher than others, but Dr. Irwin says talk therapy is helpful so it’s important to reach out to your doctor, to a therapist or to support groups in your community.
How to Cope With Complex & Changing Emotions
When a stressful life event occurs, people may react with a range of different (and quickly changing) emotions. This is completely normal.
“The way people respond is very variable,” Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik tells SurvivorNet. “Very much consistent with how they respond to stresses and challenges in their life in general.”
In this video, Dr. Plutchik is speaking mostly about how people react after a cancer diagnosis which can be a huge range of emotions from fear to anger to determination.
Handling Stressful Life Events
However, the conclusion remains the same no matter what stressor someone may be dealing with: your emotions are valid and seeking mental health help may look different for every person.
“People have a range of emotions when they’re diagnosed with cancer,” Dr. Plutchik explains. “And they can include fear, anger … and these emotions tend to be fluid. They can recede and return based on where someone is in the process. Going through a cancer diagnosis is just the beginning of a complicated, complicated process.”
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Dr. Plutchik explains that the patient, or person going through the stressful event, should accept that emotions will be fluid. You may feel fine one day and then feel a massive wave of stress the next. It’s also important for those you look to for support whether that’s a therapist, friends and family, or both to understand the fluidity of stress-related emotions.
If a stressful event is affecting how you think and feel, it may be time to seek some sort of mental health treatment. This could mean traditional talk therapy, medication, changing lifestyle habits (like exercise and diet), seeking out a support group, or many other approaches.
Questions to Ask Your Doctor
- What can I do if my emotions begin to feel overwhelming?
- Are there approaches that don’t involve traditional therapy?
- Should I consider medication such as antidepressants?
- What are the potential side effects should I decide to begin medication?
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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