A cancer diagnosis has the potential to throw your entire life into disarray, impacting both your physical and mental wellbeing. At SurvivorNet, we believe treating the whole person is imperative, so we've teamed up with Dr. Marianna Strongin to leverage her expertise as a licensed clinical psychologist. Dr. Strongin will answer SurvivorNet reader questions on topics ranging from navigating a partner’s mourning to learning ways to improve sleep and everything in between. (You can submit your questions here.)
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Read More I am 60 years old, and I have metastatic breast cancer. I was diagnosed 3 years ago, and my prognosis is not great… I do my best to live life to the fullest with the time I have left. I try not to think about my cancer, but it is extremely difficult during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Although this month is supposed to raise awareness and empower people, it brings me so much anxiety as I will never be cured of this cancer. October is here, and I find myself wanting to hide in my house. I don't want to diminish the importance of this month, but I feel beaten down instead of lifted up. Dr. Strongin: Thank you for being so courageous and voicing your feelings around the pressure that the month of October brings as someone with metastatic cancer. You already work at living your life to the fullest every day of every month yet October has a real way of highlighting and focusing your mind on your cancer journey. It sounds like Cancer Awareness Month further zooms into your reality causing you to feel uncomfortable. In addition, there is a flood of hopeful stories that focus on early detection, treatment options, remission, and cure, which may feel different and, therefore, create “beaten down” feelings rather than “lifting” ones. It is important to validate your feelings here as they never lie to us but rather inform us of our truest wants and needs. Since there is no way to skip or fast forward the month of October, it will be important that you handle the month with caution and kindness, taking time to understand your feelings. When confronted with difficult emotions it is important to allow ourselves to listen, feel and understand them. For example, if you find yourself filled with anger while exposed to Cancer Awareness content, I would like for you to first acknowledge the feeling- “I am angry because while others get to share their story of recovery, mine is different.” Then it’s important to let that feeling move through your body and acknowledge it, “Anyone in my shoes would be feeling this way, I should be angry.” Now you can soothe it, “I have found my way of coping with this and choose to live in the moment, but this month is extra hard.” By recognizing and validating our feelings we are much more likely to let these intense emotions go and refrain from “acting” them out.
Although you may be feeling pulled to avoid or hide, it might be especially important to voice your feelings to others who provide you with safety and security. Studies have found that sharing emotions in a similar support group has been found to greatly improve quality of life. In your case it can be helpful to have a support group with others who have a similar diagnosis, to safely share your feelings and learn about how others might be coping. The sharing of emotions is extremely validating, supportive and freeing. Many cancer patients fear sharing their true emotions with loved ones in fear of burdening them or believing that others simply won’t understand. Finding a group remotely or in person could provide you with a great deal of support, especially in October.
I hope you can allow the month of October to be a reminder of your strength and courage and let it foster deeper and stronger connections with others.
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Dr. Marianna Strongin is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Strong In Therapy Psychology. She specializes in mood disorders, life transitional issues, and relationship problems. Read More
