Dealing With Grief After Cancer
- "Real Housewives of New York City" star Bershan Shaw, 49, is grieving the loss of her father, Jerro Shaw, who passed away at age 88. He battled three different cancers in his lifetime, according to Bershan, who is a two-time breast cancer survivor herself.
- The grieving process comes in stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
- These labels help us frame and identify what we may be feeling, and these stages can occur in any order.
- New York-Based clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin says it may be helpful to remind yourself that these feelings are “meaningful yet temporary.”
- “If you approach them with compassion, kindness and eventually acceptance, you will come away from this period in your life more connected to your resilience and strength,” Strongin wrote for SurvivorNet.
The reality star, who is a two-time breast cancer survivor, is grieving the loss of her late father, who bravely battled three different cancers in his own life. In remembering him, Shaw called her 88-year-old dad, Jerro Shaw, her "warrior forever."
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Shaw is widely known for appearing on the "Real Housewives of New York City" reality TV show. She's also a motivational speaker, business coach, and an author.
She was first diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer in 2007. Stage 1 breast cancers are relatively small and the cancer either hasn't spread to the lymph nodes or only a small area of cancer has spread to the sentinel lymph node.
Her cancer then returned as stage 4, or metastatic, in 2009. Shaw told Huffington Post her cancer has been in remission since treatment.
While stage 4 breast cancer is incurable, treatment exist that are helping women live longer with the disease with improved quality of life. See SurvivorNet’s expert resources for treating metastatic breast cancer here.
Shaw and her dad appeared to be close, according to social media posts showing her supporting him during his health challenges
For courageous cancer survivors like Bershan Shaw and loved ones supporting them, SurvivorNet has mental health resources to help you navigate heavy feelings you may have, including grief.
In an emotional and heartfelt post, Shaw said her dad "fought the good fight" while sharing a montage of photos of them both.
"He beat one cardiac arrest…He overcame stage 4 prostate cancer that spread throughout his body. He walked out of a deadly car crash that broke every bone in his body," Shaw said in her post noting her father's resiliency.
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"We are survivors," Shaw said in a previous post photographed with her dad.
"He served our country in the Navy. He started a construction business from nothing and became one of the first Black millionaires in the DC DMV area," Shaw said of her father, Jerro.
"He helped the at-risk youth out teaching them business and entrepreneurship," she continued.
Bershan said in a 2021 podcast, her dad also battled lung and brain cancers.
"He always told me, 'Never give up and never give in,'" she said.
Shaw kept a watchful eye on her resilient dad through the years.
"He couldn't keep fighting anymore. This invasive fungal ball took him out. He was my best friend. My hero. My dad Jerro Shaw was and will always be a warrior," she added amid a slew of sorrowful hashtags.
Fans flooded her post with words of condolence.
"So sorry for your loss. I have watched and followed you and know how much your dad means to you. So I know this is hard for you but God got you," one of Shaw's supportive followers wrote offering words of encouragement.
How to Cope After Losing a Loved One to Cancer
Bershan Shaw is clearly mourning the loss of her beloved dad. If you have lost a loved one, SurvirorNet wants you to know that grief may look different for everyone.
The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These labels help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. These stages can also occur in any order.
The length of time it takes to navigate these stages can also vary so it is important to give yourself grace and patience while navigating your feelings.
WATCH: Dealing With Grief Related to Health Problems
"It often gets better over time, but on certain days, it can look like depression, and on other days, people look perfectly normal and can function," Dr. Scott Irwin, a board-certified psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, previously told SurvivorNet.
Dr. Irwin added that people who are grieving are coming to terms with "the change in their life, the future they had imagined is now different."
SurvivorNet spoke with Megan Newcomer, who lost a close friend to metastatic cancer in 2018. She shared her unique way of coping with grief. Her friend was an athlete and soccer player, so to help her cope, she embarked on a marathon race in his honor.
How to Manage Grief and Cancer
- ‘Acknowledging the Grief’ – Losing Your Hair During Chemotherapy
- Dealing With Grief Related to Health Problems
- Tools To Navigate Grief And Shame: Dr. Marianna Strongin Addresses These Topics In Her New Column 'Strong In Cancer'
- Mental Health and Cancer — The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response
- Mental Health: Coping With Feelings of Anger
Newcomer’s advice to others grieving is to first “acknowledge your feelings.”
“Then, think about a way that you could honor the person through a mechanism that is meaningful to you. So that can be artwork, that could be music, that could be developing a financial fundraising project. It could be something very simple, but I do think having it be intentional, that this is what you’re doing to help honor this person,” Newcomer adds.
New York-Based clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin says it may be helpful to remind yourself that these feelings are “meaningful yet temporary.”
“If you approach them with compassion, kindness and eventually acceptance, you will come away from this period in your life more connected to your resilience and strength,” she wrote for SurvivorNet.
Strongin recommends fellow psychologist Dr. Tara Brach's acronym “R.A.I.N.,” which offers a coping mechanism for practicing mindfulness and compassion.
R.A.I.N. stands for:
RECOGNIZE and pause to notice
ALLOW or accept your current experience
INVESTIGATE by pinpointing what is happening in your mind and body
NURTURE by bringing compassion to yourself.
Learn more about SurvivorNet's rigorous medical review process.
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