Coping With The Loss of a Loved One
- Bravo reality TV star Michelle Saniei, a 36-year-old mom of one, is looking back on how her late mom thought she was suffering from food poisoning, but it turned out to be stage 4 colon cancer.
- Most colon cancers can be prevented if people are regularly screened. Screenings are recommended beginning at age 45. However, if you have a family history of this cancer, your doctor may suggest screening sooner.
- Metastatic or Stage 4 colon cancer means that the cancer has spread from the colon to other organs. The most common sites for colon cancer to metastasize are the liver, lungs, and peritoneum (the lining in your abdomen).
- Chemotherapy is often the first line of treatment for metastatic colon cancer. Surgery or a combination of therapies may be recommended depending on where the cancer is located and how widespread it is.
- A colonoscopy is a procedure doctors use to screen for colon cancer by looking inside your colon. While there are benefits to getting a colonoscopy, including the doctor’s ability to remove precancerous polyps in real time, other screening methods also exist.
- Advocating for your health can lead to better patient outcomes. Sometimes this includes going back to your doctor multiple times or seeking a second and third opinion from different doctors.
Speaking on a recent episode of season 2 of “The Valley,” aired on June 10, the 36-year-old mom of one opened up about what prompted her mom to get her gastrointestinal (GI) symptoms checked, ultimately leading to her diagnosis of advanced cancer, according to People.
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Saniei, whose mom passed away on November 5, 2024, also explained on the episode, which was filmed last year, “She did her first treatment of chemo and it did not work.
“So then now she’s in her second treatment but the problem is it’s kind of everywhere now. I don’t think I have much longer with her.”
Expert Colon Cancer Resources
- Management of Metastatic Colon Cancer
- Why a Tailored Approach to Colon Cancer Treatment Matters
- How to Approach Treatment for Advanced Colon Cancer
- Colorectal Cancer Is On The Rise in Young Adults — Here’s What We Know
- Clinical Trials for Colorectal Cancer Can Offer Cutting-Edge Treatment
- Considering Anal Rejuvenation After Colorectal Cancer Treatment
- Debating Over Treatment of Colorectal Cancer – The New Evidence About Watch and Wait
- Everything You Need to Know About Colorectal Cancer Screenings
- Staying Active During Treatment — New Research Shows Light Exercise Can Make Chemo Much More Tolerable for Patients with Advanced Colorectal Cancer
The Los Angeles resident also noted, “It’s been very hard for me because my mom is my best friend and the one who supports me the most.”
Additionally, Saniei’s mom’s cancer diagnosis arose back in the fall of 2023, at around the time the real estate guru was splitting with her ex husband and fellow real estate professional Jesse Lally, who is also on the show, “The Valley.”
Saniei and Lally marred in October 2018, separated in 2023, and more recently offered a divorce update to The Daily Dish, saying a settlement is still in the works to be “finalized.
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Meanwhile, as for Saniei’s heartbreaking loss of her mom, she shared some sweet throwback photos on social media this week in memory of her beloved best friend.
She captioned the Instagram post, “Sharing my heart with you tonight. This was the first time I spoke on camera about my mom’s battle with cancer.
“She’s no longer with us, but her love and strength are with me everyday. I miss her deeply, and I’m grateful to share a little piece of her with you.”
Saniei concluded, “Tonight is for you, Mom. I miss you every day.”
Then, on the day her mom passed, Saniei shared a tribute post to her late mom, featuring a photo of them holding hands.
“Mom, your love was the greatest gift I ever received. Without you, the world feels incomplete,” she wrote alongside the emotional image.
“You were my best friend since I was a little girl. I will love and miss you forever [infinity symbol] 11-05-2024.”
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Colon Cancer vs. GI Symptoms
Gastrointestinal problems can be caused by many factors. One important thing to remember is that colorectal cancer is usually a slow-growing cancer, so symptoms may not be apparent until the cancer has spread. In other words, getting a routine screening, such as a colonoscopy, is very important, rather than looking out for concerning symptoms.
RELATED: Colorectal Cancer Is On The Rise in Young Adults — Here’s What We Know
Dr. Zuri Murrell previously told SurvivorNet, “All colon cancer starts as these small growths called polyps. And these polyps have no signs, no symptoms. The only way you can know you have them is if you do a colonoscopy, and you see them.” Moreover, he adds, during the colonoscopy, the polyps can be removed.
However, there are some key symptoms that should prompt you to check with your doctor about potential colorectal cancer. According to the CDC, these include:
- A change in bowel habits
- Blood in your stool
- Diarrhea, constipation, or a feeling that you’re not completely emptying your bowels
- Persistent abdominal pain
- Unexplained weight loss
According to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, while IBS and colorectal cancer share some symptoms, especially in bowel habits, “Colorectal cancer may have additional symptoms of blood in the stool, weight loss, fatigue, and a feeling of incomplete bowel movements.”
Coping With Advanced Colon Cancer
Colon cancer is very treatable and curable if caught early. However, treatment may become more intense when the cancer is detected in later stages.
Chemotherapy is known to improve survival in patients with metastatic or stage 4 colon cancer.
“Colon cancer most commonly spreads to the lung and to the liver,” Dr. Heather Yeo, a board-certified in general surgery, colon and rectal surgery, and complex general surgical oncology, explains to SurvivorNet.
“We try not to do surgery right away. If you think about it, we can’t cut out all of the disease, and any time you do surgery, you’re actually compromising a patient’s immune system,” Dr. Yeo explains.
The most common therapy is called FOLFOX, and your doctor may add medications like irinotecan (FOLFIRI) or cetuximab, depending on how well your tumor shrinks with treatment and other specifics about your particular tumor.
“If you respond really well, then we keep you on that until you stop responding really well. But if after a few cycles, your disease has progressed, that’s when we think about adding other additional chemotherapies,” Dr. Yeo said.
WATCH: Not all stage 4 colon cancer patients are the same.
Colon cancer screenings can involve at-home tests such as Cologuard, but a colonoscopy is more effective, according to SurvivorNet experts. A colonoscopy involves examining the colon and rectum with a long, thin tube attached to a camera.
If no polyps are discovered, the following screening won’t be needed for ten years. Polyps are small growths in the colon that are not yet cancerous but can potentially develop into cancer.
“When we see a polyp, we actually physically take the polyp out through the colonoscope,” Dr. Zuri Murrell, a colorectal cancer surgeon and Director of the Cedars-Sinai Colorectal Cancer Center, explained.
The cancer starts when abnormal lumps called polyps grow in the colon or rectum. It takes up to 10 years for a colon polyp to become full-blown cancer, according to SurvivorNet experts.
The American Gastrointestinal Association lowered the recommended initial age for a colorectal screening from 50 to 45. However, experts recommend screening earlier for some people who may be at an increased risk of developing colon cancer.
WATCH: Colon cancer symptoms.
The most poignant signature of colon cancer is a change in bowel habits. Changes in the size or shape of bowel movements may cause constipation or diarrhea. A change in stool color, particularly black or tarry stools, can indicate bleeding from a tumor deep in the colon.
Other symptoms can be harder to pinpoint, such as abdominal pain and unintentional weight loss. Finally, some tumors bleed a small amount over a long period of time, resulting in anemia (low red blood cell count) that is picked up on blood work.
Life After Loss
It’s normal to feel sad about changes in your life that might be brought on by death or a cancer diagnosis.
“Grief comes in waves,” says Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. “They’re grieving the change in their life, the future they had imagined is now different.”
Some days can be tougher than others, but Dr. Irwin says talk therapy is helpful so it’s important to reach out to your doctor, to a therapist or to support groups in your community.
SurvivorNet also spoke with Megan Newcomer, who lost a close friend to metastatic cancer in 2018. She shared her unique way of coping with grief. Her friend was an athlete and soccer player, so to help her cope, she embarked on a marathon race in his honor.
Newcomer advises others grieving to first “acknowledge your feelings.”
“Then, think about a way that you could honor the person through a mechanism that is meaningful to you. So that can be artwork, music, or developing a financial fundraising project. It could be something very simple, but I do think having it be intentional is what you’re doing to help honor this person,” Newcomer adds.
In a column for SurvivorNet, New York-based clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin wrote that it may be helpful to remind yourself that these feelings are “meaningful yet temporary.”
“If you approach them with compassion, kindness, and eventually acceptance, you will come away from this period in your life more connected to your resilience and strength,” she wrote.
Finding a Therapist That’s Right For You
How to Cope With Complex & Changing Emotions
When a stressful life event occurs, people may react with a range of different (and quickly changing) emotions. This is completely normal.
“The way people respond is very variable,” Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik tells SurvivorNet. “Very much consistent with how they respond to stresses and challenges in their life in general.”
In this video, Dr. Plutchik is speaking mostly about how people react after a cancer diagnosis which can be a huge range of emotions from fear to anger to determination.
Handling Stressful Life Events
However, the conclusion remains the same no matter what stressor someone may be dealing with: your emotions are valid and seeking mental health help may look different for every person.
“People have a range of emotions when they’re diagnosed with cancer,” Dr. Plutchik explains. “And they can include fear, anger … and these emotions tend to be fluid. They can recede and return based on where someone is in the process. Going through a cancer diagnosis is just the beginning of a complicated, complicated process.”
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Dr. Plutchik explains that the patient, or person going through the stressful event, should accept that emotions will be fluid. You may feel fine one day and then feel a massive wave of stress the next. It’s also important for those you look to for support whether that’s a therapist, friends and family, or both to understand the fluidity of stress-related emotions.
If a stressful event is affecting how you think and feel, it may be time to seek some sort of mental health treatment. This could mean traditional talk therapy, medication, changing lifestyle habits (like exercise and diet), seeking out a support group, or many other approaches.
Tips For Starting Over After a Life-Changing Event
Starting over after a life-changing event, like losing a loved one to cancer, is certainly arduous, but it can be done. Here’s how:
- Examine your thoughts. Take time to reflect on the tragedy or difficulty you are facing. Dr. Scott Irwin tells SurvivorNet that, often, people with cancer and chronic disease are “grieving the change in their life, the future they had imagined is now different.”
- Seek help. Irwin, who directs Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, adds that talk therapy can help people significantly: “It’s about meeting the individual patient where they are and their feelings, how they’ve always dealt with their body image, what the body image changes mean now in their lives and their relationships, and how they can move forward given the new reality.
- Realize that you are not the first. Study the lives of other people who have faced similar difficulties. Dr. Samantha Boardman tells SurvivorNet, “Having support we know is really critical in the healing process.” She adds there is also a benefit in “talking to those who’ve, you know, been through this process, who are maybe a couple of steps ahead of you, who can tell you what it’s like to walk in their shoes and the unbelievable wisdom that one can gain from speaking to them.”
- Visualize the future. Imagine what it will look like for you to start over. Many people find it very helpful to create a vision board. Cut out pictures or quotes or mementos that give you a concrete picture of your future. Look to it when you are feeling down or in need of a lift. The good news? It works.
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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