Grief from Loss
- Actor Jeff Bridges, 74, is recounting early memories of his special friend Kris Kristofferson, the legendary A Star Is Born actor (from the original 1976 film) and “Me and Bobby McGee” songwriter, who died on September 28 at 88 years old. Kristofferson’s cause of death has not yet been disclosed.
- It’s normal to feel sad about changes in your life that might be brought on by death or a cancer diagnosis. Bridges, who is 14 years younger than Kristofferson was at the time of his death, is a lymphoma survivor. He publicly shared feelings of becoming close to death himself during the Covid pandemic.
- When a stressful life event occurs, such as a death, cancer diagnosis or another life-threatening illness, people may react with a range of different emotions, which experts say is completely normal. Some days can be tougher than others, but talk therapy can be helpful so it’s important to reach out to your doctor, to a therapist or to support groups in your community to ensure that you are coping with your feelings as best you can.
“I’ll miss you Kris on many levels,” The Old Man star shared on Monday. “I’m blessed that our paths cross, my friend.”
Read More“Years later, in 1980, I got to work with him on Heaven’s Gate,” Bridges continued. “He was perfectly cast as a man who would learn what cynicism & idealism cost. His combination of intelligence and physicality, and I gotta add humility, served him well. He was a wonderful actor.”
Bridges commented on Kristofferson’s “dear dear friend” Stephen Bruton, who died in 2009, and how beautiful it was witnessing their bond and musical talent together on the set of Heaven’s Gate. (Bruton also appeared in A Star Is Born.) Bridges then turned it back to he and Kristofferson’s connection.
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“Kris and I got a kick out of looking a bit like each other. It gave me the feeling we were brothers,” he wrote alongside two photos, one older and one more recent, both images showing an uncanny resemblance between the two, who could even pass as twins.
“What a beautiful tribute. I wish I had the honor of knowing him,” a fan responded in the comments. “Your words make me feel like I have. Bless you Kris and Jeff.”
A second person shared: “It saddens me to think we’ll read such kind words from someone who crossed your path someday. Life, what a trip.”
“I definitely see you as brothers,” a third follower wrote, going on to express what Kristofferson meant to them on their own life journey. “I am 73 and grew up with Kris’ music. I say farewell, Music Man. Every single song you wrote accompanied me on my journey of sorrows, joy and simply living life on life’s terms.”
A ‘Cool Danger’ Outlaw Mentality
Texas-born Kristofferson was an educated scholar who rose to fame in Nashville and made a steady career for himself as a songwriter, writing for Johnny Cash, with whom he joined forces as an “outlaw supergroup” in 1985 with Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings. Their album “Highwaymen” became a number one country album.
Known for his “laconic charm and cool danger” as Variety noted, the outlet shared the story of how Kristofferson first got Johnny Cash to pay attention to his music.
“I didn’t really listen to them until one afternoon, he was flying a National Guard helicopter and he landed in my yard,” the late “Walk the Line” singer reportedly recalled. “I was taking a nap and [my wife] June [Carter Cash] said, ‘Some fool has landed a helicopter in our yard. They used to come from the road. Now they’re coming from the sky!’ And I look up, and here comes Kris out of a helicopter with a beer in one hand and a tape in the other.”
Kristofferson, in his later years, started having a multitude of neurological health problems, including a misdiagnosis of Alzeimer’s disease, a brain disorder that gradually destroys thinking and memory skills, which was later determined to have been Lyme disease. Speaking to LymeTimes in the Fall of 2016, his wife Lisa Meyers explained, “About 12 years ago he was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which looking back, should have been the first indication that a test for Lyme was warranted.” Fibromyalgia, per Hopkins Medicine, is a condition that causes pain in soft tissues and muscles throughout the body.
“But we suspect he’s been infected with Lyme anywhere from fourteen to thirty years because he used to have these chronic muscle spasms, which is a common symptom. We were in LA at the time, in Malibu, and I just don’t think doctors were looking for it or aware of it there then.” As noted above, it is unclear what specifically led to his passing.
Experiencing Loss and Facing Your Own Mortality
It’s normal to feel sad about changes in your life that might be brought on by death or a cancer diagnosis. Bridges, who is 14 years younger than Kristofferson was at the time of his death, is a lymphoma survivor. He publicly shared those feelings of becoming close to death himself during the Covid pandemic, mainly due to catching the virus while he was going through treatment.
“Grief comes in waves,” says Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. “They’re grieving the change in their life, the future they had imagined is now different.”
Learning about the grieving process
The death of friends and loved ones, especially those whom you shared fond, early memories with, remind us of the passage of time and those profound experiences may shape how we think, act and feel as we question our own mortality.
Some days can be tougher than others, but Dr. Irwin says talk therapy is helpful so it’s important to reach out to your doctor, to a therapist or to support groups in your community.
How to Cope With Complex Emotions
When a stressful life event occurs, such as a death, cancer diagnosis or another life-threatening illness, people may react with a range of different (and quickly changing) emotions. This is completely normal.
“The way people respond is very variable,” Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik tells SurvivorNet. “Very much consistent with how they respond to stresses and challenges in their life in general.”
In this video, Dr. Plutchik is speaking mostly about how people react after a cancer diagnosis which can be a huge range of emotions from fear to anger to determination.
Handling stressful life events
However, the conclusion remains the same no matter what stressor someone may be dealing with: your emotions are valid and seeking mental health help may look different for every person.
“People have a range of emotions when they’re diagnosed with cancer,” Dr. Plutchik explains. “And they can include fear, anger … and these emotions tend to be fluid. They can recede and return based on where someone is in the process. Going through a cancer diagnosis is just the beginning of a complicated, complicated process.”
Dr. Plutchik explains that the patient, or person going through the stressful event, should accept that emotions will be fluid. You may feel fine one day and then feel a massive wave of stress the next. It’s also important for those you look to for support whether that’s a therapist, friends and family, or both to understand the fluidity of stress-related emotions.
If a stressful event is affecting how you think and feel, it may be time to seek some sort of mental health treatment. This could mean traditional talk therapy, medication, changing lifestyle habits (like exercise and diet), seeking out a support group, or many other approaches.
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