Husband Is Detached and Disinterested in Survivor Wife's Health
- After 40 years of marriage, a lung cancer survivor questions her relationship as her husband seems to not care about her health and wellbeing.
- Open and honest communication is essential for spouses fighting cancer, and counseling and support groups can help heal your relationship if dialogue falls short.
- Millions of people fighting cancer have relied on their partners for strength and love during their battle, and this support can make all the difference.
Even as she cared for her husband through a heart emergency, her husband seems to totally ignore her own health needs. She wonders whether she can grow old with a man who seems indifferent to how she’s doing.
“When I say, ‘Well, the next time you get sick, I will not be there for you,’ he says, ‘I don’t blame you.’ How is that a marriage, especially approaching the last years of our lives?”
There’s a reason marriage vows include the phrase “in sickness and in health”: serious medical issues can cause huge strain to a relationship and sometimes lead to tension between partners.
But getting a cancer diagnosis does not mean your relationship is doomed. If you’re fighting cancer, the love and support of your partner can make a huge difference in your battle. It’s important to be open and honest with each other throughout this challenging time.
Overcoming Their Fears Together How Marcia Cross and Her Husband Got Through Their Cancers
Stay Open & Honest With Your Partner
A cancer diagnosis can be devastating to the person receiving it and the people they love, especially a spouse or partner. There may be a wide range of emotions that partners experience after hearing the news: fear, anger, sadness, worry, and more.
Above all, it’s crucial to be honest with each other after a diagnosis and during the cancer battle. Don’t let the strong emotions surrounding cancer come between you and the person you love. Talk to them frankly – they will appreciate it.
Therapy can be a valuable asset in helping you and your partner manage your relationship and emotions during a cancer battle. Couples counsellors are trained to smooth over tensions in a relationship and can help you rekindle the love that may have been hidden below fear or anger.
There are support groups both for people battling cancer and their spouses. These can be therapeutic in letting you express your emotions to people going through the same thing. Having that kinship can be crucial to helping you feel less alone.
Partner Support Matters
To inspire couples currently facing cancer together, SurvivorNet has talked to dozens of survivors about their experiences taking on their diagnosis and going through treatment.
While on a trip to Iceland with her husband Steve, Tiffany Dyba, then 35, found a lump in her breast that was later found to be cancerous. As Tiffany fought back fear and focused on her fight, Steve was a constant source of support and love, never wavering in his commitment to helping her beat cancer.
“I was like, ‘we’re in this together,‘” Dyba told SurvivorNet in a previous interview. “My husband is the best person on the entire planet because he doesn’t treat me like I’m sick. He just treats me like me, which is so important, because a lot of people treat me like I’m sick. He hasn’t missed a beat. He said there’s no other option but beating it, and I believe him every time.”
When Natalie Wells was diagnosed with brain cancer, her husband Stephen Skip was a well of support and affection for her just as she had been when he was in a life-threatening accident. Their shared love helped both overcome.
“These little trials and tribulations life throws at you gives you a good perspective on appreciating the things you have and not wanting the tangible, physical, petty things that people worry about and stress over,” Skip told SurvivorNet in a previous interview. “[She’s] my best friend, my right hand. I couldn’t go on through life without [her]. I love her tremendously.”
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