Madonna Loses Stepmom Joan to Cancer at 81, Admitted She Was ‘Hard on Her’ When She Married Her Father: I was 8, ‘She Was Trying’

Joan is survived by her husband of 58 years, Silvio, 93, Madonna’s father. They raised eight children together, including Madonna. The pop icon is one of six siblings from Silvio’s first marriage to Madonna’s mother of the same name, who died at age 30 when the “True Blue” singer was just 5 years old. Joan and Silvio had three children of their own: Jennifer, 56, Mario, 55, and Joey, who tragically died in 1967 after birth, which would have been nine kids in total at home.

“With a houseful of kids Joan opened a daycare which she ran for 20+ years. Caring for children and others was a lifelong calling. She also loved fashion and antiques,” the announcement continued.

Madonna addressed her childhood and growing up with Joan in a 2002 interview with the late broadcaster, Larry King.

“My mother died when I was little and that was difficult for me for a while,” she said. “I mean truthfully, I didn’t accept my stepmother when I was growing up. In retrospect, I think that was really hard on her. She was [trying] … I’m very close to my father and I didn’t want to accept change in my life.”

RELATED: Madonna’s Childhood Trauma: She Had ‘No Explanation’ At Age 5 When Her Mom Passed From Breast Cancer

Though the relationship with Joan was evidently complex when Madonna was a child, it seemed to have softened through the years based on a video circulating from Madonna’s 2012 MDNA Tour. Joan can be seen smiling warmly while backstage and Madonna returns the sweet smile, giving Joan a hug as they share a brief exchange before she greets her father and they share a side smooch on the cheek.

After suffering from the death of a loved one, we tend to question our own mortality. Plus, Joan’s sudden death could very well bring up past trauma from Madonna’s birth mother dying suddenly of breast cancer with “no explanation,” as Madonna has shared of her profound childhood loss.

Madonna herself had a frightening near-death experience last June after a bacterial infection, but thankfully made a full recovery. She did not fully disclose details, but told fans she was in an induced coma, that she came to firmly saying “No!” to her nurse. Thankfully, Madonna survived, but the experience was surely life-changing.

Making amends with loved ones and telling someone how you feel about them is one of the ways that we can ensure we have no regrets in life when we go. Make the best of every moment while you can.

Practicing Mindfulness During Difficult Times

Coping with grief after the loss of a loved one can be helped by seeing a psychiatrist, counselor, or oncological social worker. You don’t have to suffer through your grief alone. Seek outside support when you’ve lost someone close to you.

At home, practicing moments of mindfulness can also help. Mindfulness is a practice in which you focus your attention and energy in order to stave off stress, anxiety, fear, and other things that lead to harmful thoughts. It’s a way of slowing down so you can be in tune with your actions and emotions.

Deepak Chopra, a world-renowned author and mindfulness expert, told SurvivorNet that mindfulness helps you achieve new levels of self-awareness.

“Are you changing the experience with the body, changing the experience of the mind, changing experience with emotions?” he asks. When you can do these things, through mindfulness, you can stave off stress.

A Guided meditation for the SurvivorNet community

SurvivorNet offers a guide for practicing mindfulness on a daily basis:

1. Choose one daily activity to practice mindfully (e.g. eating your lunch, brushing your teeth or taking a shower). Resist distractions and be aware of your thoughts in this moment.
2. Pause often during your day and use these moments to take a deep breath with your eyes closed.
3. In moments of difficulty, acknowledge the stress you feel by asking, “How can I be kind to myself in this moment?”
4. Don’t suppress your emotions; explore them to see where they are coming from.
5. Try not to rush through an action or an experience. Stay in the present.

Life After Loss

It’s normal to feel sad about changes in your life that might be brought on by death or a cancer diagnosis.

“Grief comes in waves,” says Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. “They’re grieving the change in their life, the future they had imagined is now different.”

Learning More About Grief

Some days can be tougher than others, but Dr. Irwin says talk therapy is helpful so it’s important to reach out to your doctor, to a therapist or to support groups in your community.

How to Cope With Complex & Changing Emotions

When a stressful life event occurs, people may react with a range of different (and quickly changing) emotions. This is completely normal.

“The way people respond is very variable,” Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik tells SurvivorNet. “Very much consistent with how they respond to stresses and challenges in their life in general.”

In this video, Dr. Plutchik is speaking mostly about how people react after a cancer diagnosis which can be a huge range of emotions from fear to anger to determination.

Handling stressful life events

However, the conclusion remains the same no matter what stressor someone may be dealing with: your emotions are valid and seeking mental health help may look different for every person.

“People have a range of emotions when they’re diagnosed with cancer,” Dr. Plutchik explains. “And they can include fear, anger … and these emotions tend to be fluid. They can recede and return based on where someone is in the process. Going through a cancer diagnosis is just the beginning of a complicated, complicated process.”

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Dr. Plutchik explains that the patient, or person going through the stressful event, should accept that emotions will be fluid. You may feel fine one day and then feel a massive wave of stress the next. It’s also important for those you look to for support whether that’s a therapist, friends and family, or both to understand the fluidity of stress-related emotions.

If a stressful event is affecting how you think and feel, it may be time to seek some sort of mental health treatment. This could mean traditional talk therapy, medication, changing lifestyle habits (like exercise and diet), seeking out a support group, or many other approaches.

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