Sexuality and Femininity After Menopause
- Sex and the City author Candace Bushnell, 63, recently shared her thoughts of society’s views of post-menopausal women. And she wants women to embrace their sexuality no matter their age or the changes that have happened to their bodies.
- A woman’s worth does not depend on how she looks or her functionality as a mother or caretaker. But all women deserve to feel good about themselves and their bodies. Body positivity might not come easy for all cancer survivors, but getting to a point where you're embracing your body can help you live life to the fullest.
- One breast cancer survivor told SurvivorNet that "femininity is a state of mind."
- One of our experts notes that “sexuality is physical and emotional.” So, it’s important for cancer survivors to know there is support and guidance available for survivors seeking to addresses issues of intimacy and sexuality following a cancer battle.
Bushnell is no stranger to talking about sex. In fact, she’s made quite a successful career out of it. She’s famous for being the international best-selling author of There Still Sex in the City, Sex and the City, Summer and the City and The Carrie Diaries, and her Sex and the City novel became the basis for the hit HBO series of the same name we all know and love.
Read MoreCandace Bushnell on Sexuality after Menopause
In a recent interview with PEOPLE, Bushnell explores the topic of post-menopausal women and sexuality. “There are two types of post-menopausal women: those who go sex crazy and those who never want to see a penis again,” she said. “I’ve found women between 60 and 70 are the ones who seem to be much more interested in sex.”But, sadly, society does not always embrace the idea of older women owning their sexuality.
“Women are getting the message that after a certain age, they’re not attractive anymore,” Bushnell said. “That’s basically the message that society gives women. The message is go and be a grandma. That ain’t happening.”
“I think for a lot of women, they’re so used to their value being a reproductive person and being a mother, in a way it’s a societal kind of devaluing of women because I think society tells women we really only have value as bearers of children, caretakers of children and men and sex objects.”
She continued by saying the tide is shifting in the attitudes toward and expectations of women as they age or their bodies change.
“For every woman who does not fit the model that is a step in the right direction,” she said. “At one time, being fifty was pretty much the end.
“You are expected to slowly disappear, let your hair go gray, stop dressing a certain way. Well, that’s changed. There are so many more women over fifty and we’re not going away.”
Embracing Your Sexuality and Femininity as a Cancer Survivor
Cancer can causes some serious changes to your body. And it’s easy for women to view themselves differently after a cancer battle because society has impressed on them the harmful belief that their value depends on their looks, their sexuality and their functionality as a caretaker or mother.
But cancer survivors like Ann Caruso are challenging that message. In conversation with SurvivorNet, she shared that the 12 surgeries her breast cancer required really affected the way she saw her body.
Celebrity Stylist Ann Caruso on Beauty and Femininity After Cancer
"You're not the same carefree person that you once were, and it was very hard for me to look at myself every day," Caruso said. "It was like I was a totally different person and didn't fit into any of my clothes for so long."
But the celebrity stylist has learned a whole lot about femininity and body image since beating breast cancer. She hopes to impart her knowledge upon others dealing with similar struggles.
"Femininity is a state of mind," Caruso said. "And I think that's something that we have to remind ourselves."
And though sexuality does not have to go away just because you’ve battled cancer, it can be difficult for some women to return to intimacy as a survivor. Jeanne Carter, a clinical psychologist and certified sexual health therapist with Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, spoke with SurvivorNet about the emotional struggles she sees many women face when trying to have sex after or during cancer treatment.
Sex After Cancer: The Mind-Body Connection
"Sexuality is physical and emotional, and they're completely enmeshed, so you can't really treat this without addressing both of those issues," Carter said. "I think women going through a cancer experience are just really trying to make sense of what their body is going through."
For Carter, she hears a lot of women express feelings of guilt when they're dealing with sexual problems resulting from cancer.
"When you have to have changes in your sexuality, it feels like another huge loss," she said. "So, it's not uncommon for women to express aspects of guilt to me, about feeling guilty that they can't share their body, feeling guilty that they can't meet their partner's needs, feeling guilty about having the cancer experience affect them, their family, their loved ones.
“But I always say guilt is a wasted emotion that we could use energy someplace else. Nobody asked for cancer. Nobody asked for these changes, but different doesn't have to mean that it's bad.”
And whether your biggest concerns revolve around mourning the loss of a body part, like your breasts, or trying to find the confidence to date again after treatment, it's important to know that there is support and guidance available whether it be trying new things in the bedroom or seeking the guidance of a therapist or peers in a support group.
"A lot of these changes [to the body] happen very quickly and I think people are ready at different times to be ready to address it," Carter said. "Taking time and effort to actually pay attention to these areas and to touch these areas and to try to heal these areas I think wakes up something for women that there's a part of their body that maybe they weren't paying attention to."
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