Doherty's Partnership
- Shannen Doherty, 49, is battling stage four breast cancer with her photographer husband at her side.
- Doherty has said how the cancer diagnosis “solidified” the couple’s bond.
- A cancer diagnosis can strengthen some marriages, while in others it can heighten already troubled relationships.
Doherty and Kurt Iswarienko married in 2011, and she has constantly praised him for standing by her side during her cancer treatment. She has spoken about how the cancer “solidified” the couple. "Kurt and I have a much deeper appreciation for each other now,” Doherty told People magazine in a 2019 interview.
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Doherty and her husband’s bond is inspiring. But find your support wherever you can get it. For those without a partner, your family, friends, therapist, and cancer support groups, can be a great way to gain comparable intimate support.
Actress and writer Jill Kargman, who battled melanoma, talked to SurvivorNet about how a cancer diagnosis can rock the boat in a partnership, or make the partnership even better. Kargman candidly said, “When you get cancer, it's a really great way to tell if your partner is the love of your life, or a s***head.”
Kargman told Survivornet, “I think [a cancer diagnosis] presses the fast-forward button on getting to the bottom of that answer, because a lot of people in middle age are kind of at a crossroads, waiting for their kids to fly the coop. And I think if you’re with someone who is not supportive and kind of emotionally checked out or doesn’t tell you you’re still beautiful with that, this might not be your person.”
Jill Kargman on Relationships and Cancer
The Toll Cancer Can Take
Many people, however, don’t have the type of unconditional support that Doherty does. Ovarian Cancer survivor, Amanda Crowell Itliong, spoke to SurvivorNet about her experience of getting a divorce during her cancer journey. “Unfortunately, it is kind of common that women do sometimes get divorces during this time, and it happened to me,” said Crowell Itliong. “I just say sometimes things like cancer can show you that a relationship isn’t the right relationship.”
Crowell Itliong, a Detroit resident, is living with ovarian cancer for the fourth time over an 11-year period. For some like Crowell Itliong, cancer can serve as a powerful wake-up call to reevaluate everything in life from your career, to your closest relationships. She got divorced, and switched careers, too. “So instead of working with college students, helping nerds save the world, now, I work as a patient advocate.”
Remembering her experience with her ex, she tells SurvivorNet, “[He] wasn’t somebody that would help me with meals after I had surgery. He wasn’t someone who would take notes of the doctor, and listen to what was going on, and do research for me and things like that anymore. He was really stressed out by it, and so he wasn’t really a great caregiver. And I think what’s tough is when you’re married people just assume, oh, you have this great care at home. Somebody is taking care of you all the time. And that’s not always true for people.”
Crowell Itliong ended her marriage, and stressed the need for open and honest dialogue with your partner as “the biggest and most important thing.” Throughout the cancer journey, it helps having a great team in place to support your and you’re the team manager: You get to decide who stays, and who goes.
Divorces During Cancer Happen Detroit Ovarian Cancer Survivor Amanda Crowell Itliong Talks Moving On
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