A New Dad at 81: Prostate Cancer Survivor Robert De Niro, 81, Says ‘I’m Trying My Best, I’ll Always Love My Kids’

Speaking on the show’s Sept. 13 episode, De Niro, who is also known for acting in “A Bronx Tale” and “The Godfather Part II,” said, “I’m trying my best. I’m going to put on my gravestone, ‘I tried my best,'” when asked about how he’s describe himself as a father.

RELATED: Prostate Cancer: Overview 

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When Wallace asked if De Niro was “not a good father?” the beloved actor replied, “No. I tried my best. That’s all I can say.”

“I’ll always love my kids,” he added.

Additionally, De Niro noted that when he’s no longer alive, he’s thinking he’d want his gravestone to read, “Please forgive me for everything that I’ve done.”

Earlier this year, De Niro jokingly said on the “TODAY” show, “I’m OK,” when asked by Craig Melvin to describe how he is as a dad.

In response to Al Roker’s inquiry about how he is now compared to when he was a young dad, De Niro said, “Ask the older ones.

“Nothing is perfect in life as we all know, and my older kids, when they’re older, they’re more critical. When they’re young like the baby, that’s pure joy, so I’m enjoying that.”

De Niro has a total of five adult children, 57-year-old Drena, 47-year-old Raphael, 29-year-old twins Julian and Aaron, and 26-year-old Elliot. He also as a 12-year-old daughter named Helen and one-year-old Gia.

On De Niro’s 81st birthday this past August, Drena took to Instagram to share two sweet photos of her with her dad, writing, “I had put this pic in my fathers Bday photo dump and somehow it didn’t come through but I look so good I had to post – so once again Happy Bday him, to you, to anyone who’s got a bday. Love you.”

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Meanwhile, in an earlier conversation with Entertainment Tonight, De Niro offered some insight into his daughter Gia’s first birthday party, saying, “She had a little cake, it was very nice, sweet… Well, she’s [Gia] pure joy, there’s nothing about her, there’s no judgment, there’s no anything, she just is what she is and it’s just pure joy for god sakes.”

He also told the The Guardian last fall that being a father “doesn’t get easier” as he ages, adding, “you never know what’s going to happen … they surprise you.”

“It is what it is. It’s OK. I mean, I don’t do the heavy lifting. I’m there, I support my girlfriend. But she does the work. And we have help, which is so important,” he continued.

Robert De Niro’s Cancer Journey

Robert De Niro, who starred in the Martin Scorsese-directed 1976 film “Taxi Driver,” was diagnosed with prostate cancer at 60-years-old. According to the actor’s publicist, the cancer was caught during a routine PSA screening test (blood test for prostate cancer). He immediately went through treatment at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City.

Due to the disease being caught during a routine check-up, it was in the earlier stages and De Niro was able to make a full recovery. Additionally, the actor’s publicist claims De Niro’s healthy lifestyle contributed to his speedy recover.

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Initially the actor kept his battle with cancer out of the public eye, but after being in remission for a few years, he decided to go public as a way to urge men to start screening. The PSA screening test, also known as the PSA blood test, can be a valuable resource in catching prostate early.

Understanding Prostate Cancer

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with prostate cancer, it’s important to remember that most types of prostate cancers are treatable. According to the National Cancer Institute, the five-year survival rate of prostate cancer in the U.S. is 97.1%. There is, however, a small number of men whose type of prostate cancer may become unresponsive to treatment, for example, when cancer cells develop a resistance hormone therapy, the treatment may no longer work.

Prostate cancer begins in the prostate the walnut-shaped gland located between the rectum and bladder that produces the fluid that nourishes sperm. Outside of skin cancers, prostate cancer is the most common cancer in American men with about one in eight men being diagnosed with this disease during his lifetime.

It’s important to remember a prostate cancer diagnosis is not always preceded by symptoms. And even when symptoms do occur, they can be inconsistent and hard to pinpoint.

“Prostate cancer is a very odd disease in that it doesn’t have a particular symptom,” Dr. Edwin Posadas, director of translational oncology and the medical director of the Urologic Oncology Program at Cedars-Sinai, told SurvivorNet.

After the Diagnosis: “What Did I Do Wrong?”

Still, it’s important to note changes in urinary function, like urinating more or less often or waking up at night to go more than usual, could be a sign of prostate cancer. So, even if you think there’s nothing to worry about, always talk to your doctor about changes to your health when they occur.

There are many different treatment options for both early and later-stage prostate cancer including active surveillance, watchful waiting, surgery, radiation, cryotherapy, hormone therapy, chemotherapy, immunotherapy and targeted therapy. The disease is one where doctors may have differing opinions on the best treatment path to take, so don’t hesitate to ask lots of questions and seek out multiple opinions.

Second (& Third) Opinions Matter When Deciding Between Surgery or Radiation

“I think it behooves the patient to have multiple discussions or second opinions, not only by the urologist who did the biopsy and diagnosed that man, but also with other surgeons and other radiation oncologist just to get a very circumspect view of what the treatment options are,” Dr. Jim Hu, a urologic oncologist at Weill Cornell Medicine, told SurvivorNet. “Oftentimes, I think patients need to understand that our health system is based a lot on fee-for-service medicine.

“And so therefore, a lot of physicians, I think, who are very well intentioned, will believe that their treatment is best for that particular man,” Dr. Hu added.

Prostate Cancer Screening Guidelines

It’s unclear if the benefits of prostate cancer screening outweigh the risks for most men. Nevertheless, screening can be life-saving, and it’s important to discuss the pros and cons of screening and your risk factors for the disease with your doctor.

The American Cancer Society (ACS) recommends “men have a chance to make an informed decision with their health care provider about whether to be screened for prostate cancer” after “getting information about the uncertainties, risks, and potential benefits of prostate cancer screening.”

The ACS says the discussion about prostate cancer screening should take place at:

• Age 50 for men who are at average risk of prostate cancer and are expected to live at least 10 more years.
• Age 45 for men at high risk of developing prostate cancer. This includes African Americans and men who have a first-degree relative (father or brother) diagnosed with prostate cancer at an early age (younger than age 65).
• Age 40 for men at even higher risk (those with more than one first-degree relative who had prostate cancer at an early age).

When Should I Get Tested for Prostate Cancer?

Prostate cancer screening methods look for possible signs of the disease, but they can’t determine for sure if you have cancer. A prostate biopsy is the only way to confirm if the patient has prostate cancer.

Screening generally involves a PSA (prostate-specific antigen) test and a digital rectal exam to feel the prostate gland. The prostate-specific antigen is a protein secreted by the prostate gland, large amounts of which can indicate prostate cancer.

It’s slightly uncomfortable but painless, and takes less than 30 seconds,” Dr. Posadas said of these methods. “The amount of information that is gained from that is tremendous, and it can be a life-and-death type decision that is made.”

Though the PSA test is not always accurate and an elevated PSA test does not always mean you have prostate cancer, our experts maintain that these tests are helpful. Make sure to discuss your options with your doctors and decide what screening should look like for you.

Battling Cancer as a Parent

Remember, opening up about cancer diagnosis with children can be really difficult task. It’s important to be honest with them and you want them to be prepared for what might happen, but at the same time you want to protect them, and be as gentle as possible.

John Duberstein, who lost his wife Nina to cancer, explains that he and his wife tried to take a progressive approach and be as open with their kids as possible. But as honest as they were, they ran into some issues with their kids understanding the disease. When Nina started to look healthier, for example, the kids assumed she was getting better, but that wasn’t the case.

Talking to Kids About Cancer: Be Open as Much as You Can

“It was a real eye-opening moment for two people who felt like they were dealing really head-on with this stuff, talking to the kids,” Duberstein told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.

“So I think it’s important to be open with the kids as much as you can, as much as you feel like they can handle. But it’s also important to revisit it and not make assumptions. At the end of the night, what Nina had to tell them was, ‘I’m not ever going to get better. My cancer is not ever going to go away,’ it was hard for them to hear even though they’d already been prepared.”

RELATED: “I Had This Mom Strength Come Over Me”: TV Journalist Amy Robach on Telling Kids About Cancer

Meanwhile, breast cancer survivor Gina de Givenchy previously spoke with SurvivorNet about going through cancer treatment as the mother of a 12-year-old girl.

“I felt it was important to mask it because I really wanted her to know that I was going to be OK. I didn’t want her to see me weak and sickly,” she said. “When it comes to your kids, I think you always want to sort of protect them.”

Telling Your Kids You Have Cancer ‘When it Comes to Your Kids, You Want to Protect Them’

The pressures of parenthood can be daunting during a cancer journey, but having little ones that depend on you can also provide another source of motivation to fight for your life.

Jovannie Lorenzo also knows this to be true. When she was diagnosed with colon cancer at 32, she felt an immense amount of fear because she was a single parent of her three kids. Going into her cancer battle, Lorenzo knew she would do everything in her power to be around to raise them.

“I knew that I had to do everything possible to be here for my children,” Lorenzo told SurvivorNet. “They are my saving grace. They are the reason I wake up every morning. They are the reason why I fight every single day and I make a choice to be positive, to be happy, and to move forward.”

Obviously, not every parent feels comfortable sharing so much about their diagnosis with their children. Some survivors have even told us that they were afraid to tell their family members, but as for Duberstein, de Givenchy, and Lorenzo, honesty was the best policy.

Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin encourages people with sick parents “to talk about your feelings with your immediate family as well as your parents.” She’s previously talked about the importance of expressing your feelings in her advice column for SurvivorNet.

“Talking about difficult things does not cause more anxiety,” Dr. Strongin said. “It is NOT talking about the very thing that we are all afraid or worried about that causes our body to feel dysregulated (unable to manage emotional responses or keep them within an acceptable range of typical emotional reactions) and anxious.”

Specifically, with patients who may be scared to talk to their children about a diagnosis, Strongin said children can pick up on their emotions, so it may help to check in with yourself beforehand.

“Having these conversations may bring up deep emotions you may have stowed away. There is nothing wrong with showing our emotions to children as long as we can remain calm and give them a sense of safety,” Dr. Strongin said.

Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff

Learn more about SurvivorNet's rigorous medical review process.

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