A Woman’s Throat Cancer Mistaken For Tonsillitis For A Year– How To Push Your Doctor For Answers That Matter

"First was the misdiagnosis,” Nduati explained. “Then the pain as she could no longer swallow her food. All the time I was spending money treating the wrong disease.”

By the time doctors finally discovered her throat cancer a year later, it was “already at an advanced stage.” Sadly, his wife of 38 years died upon arrival to a hospital in 2017.

"I had rushed my wife to hospital early morning but she was pronounced dead even before doctors could attend to her," Nduati said. “I could not believe she was gone."

Now, he’s sharing his story to shine a light on the emotional trauma of losing a spouse especially for men who are often told to carry on.

“Like me, we rarely come to the aid of others,” Nduati said. “They say, jikaze tu (soldier on)."

Learning about Throat Cancer

Throat cancer is a type of head and neck cancer where cancerous cells begin in the throat, voice box or tonsils. Some of the main risk factors for this disease include smoking, drinking alcohol, a diet lacking in fruits or vegetables, acid reflux disease and the human papillomavirus (HPV). So, one way to decrease the chances of developing the disease is to get the HPV vaccine.

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Adding His Voice to the Chorus Artist and Throat Cancer Survivor Michael Rees Gets Behind HPV Vaccine Awareness

The American Cancer Society recommends that boys and girls get the HPV vaccine between ages 9 and 12. The organization also stresses that teens and young adults through age 26 who are not already vaccinated should get the HPV vaccine as soon as possible. Dr. Jessica Geiger, a medical oncologist at Cleveland Clinic Cancer Center, explains the link between throat cancer and HPV in a previous interview with SurvivorNet.

Get the Facts: What Do We Know About HPV-Linked Throat Cancer?

"There are no screening guidelines to screen for throat cancer, unlike cervical cancer with pap smears. And there are no standard tests to determine if you harbor the (HPV) virus," she said. "However, there is no concern that you're going to spread this cancer to your partner or to anyone else, because at this point your partner has already been exposed to the virus and likely cleared it."

There's no annual screening for throat cancer, so doctors usually discover the disease when a patient sees them with symptoms that may point to it. Some symptoms include:

• A cough
• Changes in your voice
• Difficulty swallowing
• Ear pain
• A lump or sore that doesn't heal
• A sore throat
• Weight loss

It's important to note, however, that these symptoms are not exclusive to throat cancer. Still, you should always see a doctor if you have any changes to your health.

Coping When A Partner Is Diagnosed With Cancer

After a partner receives a cancer diagnosis, it's very fair to experience a wide range of emotions. Anger, fear, sadness and anxiety are often a part of the equation, but it's important to try to do your best to take care of yourself while also prioritizing your partner's needs. And if you're looking for some ways to cope, check out these suggestions below:

• Consider seeing a therapist to share the feelings you're dealing with.
• Openly discuss the diagnosis with your spouse if they are willing to discuss.
• Research the disease and learn about potential treatment paths for your partner.
• Be involved as a caregiver. "I encourage caregivers to come in to visits with my patients, because in that way, the caregiver is also listening to the recommendations what should be done in between these visits, any changes in treatment plans, any toxicities [side effects] that we need to look out for, changes in dietary habits, exercise, etc.," Dr. Jayanthi Lea, a gynecologic oncologist at UT Southwestern Medical Center, previously told SurvivorNet.
• Think about joining a support group to connect with people in a similar situation.
• Try to stay positive when you can. "The only advice I have for anyone watching this is laugh   and laugh often, laugh at yourself. Don't take yourself seriously. Things are already bad. Because once you do that, it's a game-changer," Jesus Trejo, a stand up comedian who took care of his parents during their cancer battles, previously told SurvivorNet.
• Take care of yourself and find ways to express your emotions. "I try to stay strong, but then sometimes you just want to go and cry, and you need to cry… it's good to cry," Jayne Wexler, a caregiver who took care of her son when he battled cancer, previously told SurvivorNet.

Losing A Spouse To Cancer

Losing a loved one to cancer can cause immeasurable pain as Pierce Brosnan can surely attest to. And while it's difficult to imagine life without someone like your significant other, it can be important to have difficult conversations with your loved one in advance if both parties are willing to talk.

John Duberstein can attest to the importance of these conversations. After losing his wife, writer Nina Riggs, to metastatic triple negative breast cancer, he told SurvivorNet all he wished for while she was suffering was for things to go back to the way they were but Nina had already accepted her new normal.

The Toughest Conversations: Losing a Spouse to Cancer

"I really wanted things to go back to normal, whatever that meant," John said. "She was not for that. She wanted to embrace the existence that she had, even before she knew she was going to die imminently. I did not want to talk about what was going to happen with me after Nina died. Nina is the one that really brought it up, she brought it up a number of times. She wanted to make sure that I knew that it was OK … she really wanted me to have another relationship after she was gone."

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John said that even with the pain of losing Nina, and even though he didn't want to talk about it at the time, he's so glad that his wife started those seemingly uncomfortable conversations.

"In retrospect, I can't even explain how glad I am that I had that," John said. "And I think, across the board, the people who have had those conversations who I know who have lost a spouse are immeasurably glad that they did."

There's definitely no one way to cope with the loss of a spouse, but Doug Wendt shared his thoughts on grief in a previous interview with SurvivorNet after losing his wife, Alice, to ovarian cancer.

"I Don't Want to Move On; I Do Want To Move Forward": Doug Wendt On Being A Caregiver and Tragically Losing His Wife to Ovarian Cancer

"We're never gonna move on, I don't even think I want to move on, but I do want to move forward," Wendt said. "That's an important distinction, and I encourage anybody who goes through this journey as a caregiver and then has to face loss, to think very carefully about how to move forward.

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