Coping With Loss Amid Cancer
- Actor Stanley Tucci, 62, is opening up with more detail about his relationship with Felicity Blunt and the impact losing his first wife to stage 4 breast cancer had on him.
- The “Devil Wears Prada” actor worried about the 21-year age difference between himself and Blunt but praised her support towards him and his children in the wake of his first wife, Kate’s passing.
- Losing a loved one to cancer is a tough experience that's filled with emotions.
- While coping with the loss of his first wife, Tucci discovered a tumor on his tongue in 2017. He was diagnosed with tongue cancer shortly after and he underwent radiation and chemotherapy for treatment. It temporarily impaired his taste buds, and he had to use a feeding tube for six months.
- Grief is defined as the devastation that occurs when we lose someone. It comes in five stages which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These labels help us frame and identify what we may be feeling.
- If you approach the stages of grief with compassion, kindness, and eventual acceptance, you will come away from this period with a renewed sense of resilience and purpose.
Actor and filmmaker Stanley Tucci, 62, is revealing details about his relationship with his wife Felicity Blunt, 41, that nearly ended due to the 21-year age difference between the two of them. However, age proved nothing but a number for “The Devil Wears Prada” actor because, in the wake of his first wife’s passing from breast cancer, Blunt was incredibly supportive of Tucci drawing them closer together.
“I was afraid to get into a relationship and I kept trying to break it off,” Tucci said on BBC Radio.
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Kate Tucci was just 47 when she died from stage 4 breast cancer. She was diagnosed in 2006 with Stage 4, or metastatic breast cancer. Stage 4 cancer means the cancer has spread beyond the breast to other parts of the body. Although this type of cancer is more difficult to treat, several new treatments exist to give women diagnosed with this type of cancer added hope.
WATCH: There are many options for treating advanced breast cancer.
Tucci emotionally told The Guardian at the time of Kate's passing, "We tried everything we could do to save her."
Tucci and Kate had three children together. He also has two children with Felicity.
Even with the support from loved ones, Tucci admitted Kate's passing impacted his ability to work.
"I didn't work for almost a year. It was hard…You never really get over it," he said.
Tucci is among Hollywood's biggest stars and is widely known for "Stanley Tucci: Searing for Italy," "The Devil Wears Prada" and "The Lovely Bones." However, he admitted he was afraid the grief associated with Kate's passing would impact his ability to care for his children. Luckily, he had a support system to help him navigate the stages of grief.
How to Cope After Losing a Loved One to Cancer
It took Tucci a while to cope with his emotions after losing Kate to cancer. Losing a loved one and grieving is something many people can relate to. Those supporting loved ones bravely battling cancer also traverse an emotional road.
Grief is defined as the devastation that occurs when we lose someone. Grieving comes in five stages, commonly referred to as the "five stages of grief."
WATCH: Managing the stages of grief.
The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These labels help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. These stages can occur in any order.
As you find yourself experiencing some of these stages, remember that the emotions you are feeling are meaningful but also temporary. If you approach them with compassion, kindness, and eventual acceptance, you will come away from this period with a renewed sense of resilience and purpose.
"Grief comes in waves," says Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist, and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.
"They're grieving the change in their life, the future they had imagined is now different," Dr. Irwin added.
Some days can be tougher than others, but Dr. Irwin says talk therapy can be helpful. It's important to reach out to your doctor, to a therapist, or to support groups in your community for the help you need.
Dealing With Grief
Tucci's Cancer Journey
A few years removed from Kate's passing, Tucci discovered a tumor on the base of his tongue after two years of experiencing pain in his jaw.
After being diagnosed with tongue cancer, he underwent several rounds of both chemotherapy and radiation treatment in 2017. Chemotherapy involves drugs designed to target cancer cells. During radiation, high-energy beams such as X-rays are used to target cancer cells.
Tucci is known for being a "food lover" but while battling tongue cancer, his sense of taste and ability to eat was impacted. In an interview with Vera, Tucci recounted using a feeding tube for six months and feeling weak and fatigued.
"The kids were great, but it was hard for them," Tucci told Vera. "I had a feeding tube for six months. I could barely make it to the twins' high school graduation."
He spoke with the New York Times about how his radiation treatment affected his tastebuds, according to Deadline. Tucci described the food as tasting like cardboard "slathered with someone's excrement" and feeling worried he would never taste again.
"I mean, if you can't eat and enjoy food, how are you going to enjoy everything else?" Tucci, whose taste eventually came back, questioned.
In the end, Tucci said his cancer journey made him stronger and wiser.
"[Cancer] makes you more afraid and less afraid at the same time," Tucci said. "I feel much older than I did before I was sick. But you still want to get ahead and get things done."
Questions to Ask Your Doctor
If you find yourself struggling with a diagnosis or helping a loved one cope with their emotions and overall mental health, consider asking your doctor the following questions:
- How can I go about improving my outlook/mental health?
- Are there any activities I can do to encourage positive feelings?
- When should I seek other interventions if I'm still struggling?
- What are the steps to finding a different therapist if the one I'm using is not working out?
Learn more about SurvivorNet's rigorous medical review process.
