Prioritizing Your Own Health as a Caregiver
- Following the news that Meredith Vieira’s husband Richard Cohen passed away at age 76 last month, we’re admiring what an extraordinary caregiver Vieira was to her husband, the father of their three children.
- Vieira, who married Cohen in 1986, supported her beloved husband throughout his two colon cancer battles and decades of him living with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), a chronic neurological disease where the immune system cells that normally protect us mistakenly attack myelin in the central nervous system (brain, optic nerves and spinal cord).
- While many welcome the opportunity to care for someone they love, caregiving is a difficult job and it’s OK to feel stressed and overwhelmed. It’s normal.
- It’s important for caregivers to take time to themselves as well, not neglect their own health, and seek help and an outlet if they begin to struggle mentally.
- Some caregivers may need to seek traditional therapy or support groups, while others learn to cope through lifestyle interventions or creative outlets.
Although a cause of death hasn’t been revealed for the 71-year-old TV personality’s late husband reportedly “died surrounded by his family and love,” after what “TODAY” show co-anchor Hoda Kotb described as a “glorious month” spend with loved ones as “they thought they were going to lose him” earlier.
Read MoreCohen, who met Vieira while they both worked at CBS Evening News and later married on June 14, 1986, previously told Yahoo Lifestyle, “I sort of learned the hard way to get it on the table. She didn’t blink.” He was diagnosed with MS 10 years prior to them meeting.
We love how Vieira’s love for Cohen only got stronger throughout the years and that she prioritized her time with him, even throughout her career in the spotlight.
Vieira always put her family first, even as she was working as a correspondent for “60 Minutes” between 1989 and 1992—a job she was let go from after requesting part-time employment to raise her second child.
She told Entertainment Weekly in an earlier interview, “As women come up in this business, people are not putting families on hold … I didn’t go into this job misleading anybody. I was extremely direct about wanting a family.”
As for her decision to leave NBC’s “Today” show to have more time for her family, Vieira previously told SF Gate, “I knew for a while that I was leaning [toward leaving]; my gut was telling me that it was time to go.
“After a four-year contract, I signed on for one more year. But as the year progressed, I began to realize that it wasn’t working for me in terms of my personal life.”
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She continued, “Sleep deprivation is a bad thing. When you’re tired all the time, you just don’t feel well. It’s easy to gain weight; it’s easy to get depressed. And there’s anxiety…all of those things really started to weigh on me, and I thought, Is it worth risking my health? I don’t think so. Is it worth altering my lifestyle, particularly with my husband? I clearly knew the answer: No, it’s not.
“Because of Richard’s own health issues, my getting up at 2:30 makes it very hard for him to go back to sleep, so that wasn’t helping him out physically, either. I guess my concerns, on the other side, were: I have a really good job. I really like the people. Maybe I can somehow make this work. Maybe Matt [Lauer]’s right. Maybe I could wake up at 4. And what happens to me when I give it all up? You don’t define yourself by your job, but I found myself kind of doing that.”
Meredith Vieira’s Departure From The ‘Today’ Show & Role as a Caregiver
In 2011, Meredith Vieira announced she was leaving NBC’s “Today” show to spend more time with her three children and husband Richard Cohen, who was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, or MS, at 25.
However, hearing his diagnosis wasn’t his first experience with the disease, as he previously admitted, “I’m the third member of my family, the third generation to have [MS].”
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The disease had attacked his eyes, vocal cords and limbs. It also left him legally blind, with a scratchy voice, and needing to use a walker to get around. Thankfully, Vieira was alongside him for support every step of the way.
“Chronic illness is a family affair. Spouses have the burden of tending to the needs of a loved one, even when they would secretly rather push him out a window,” Cohen wrote in his memoir Chasing Hope: A Patient’s Deep Dive into Stem Cells, Faith, and the Future. “I knew they should not be treated as spectators when they are in the ring with us.”
Aside from his MS fight, Cohen was a colon cancer survivor. He first beat the disease after a 1999 diagnosis, but the the disease returned in 2000.
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“He went into himself like I’ve never seen,” Vieira previously recalled of his second diagnosis. “I think he was a much angrier man. That second surgery carried with it a lot of stuff afterwards, the recovery period. He had to have a bag. He felt humiliated.”
Cohen was able to remain resilient and move forward, but not without the help of Vieira. The original host of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” has certainly struggled with the realities of his disease amid her husband’s life, but she always returned to her sense of gratitude for the love she received from her family.
“I’m an emotional person, and there’s a level of stress each day, but I look at our three kids and at my husband and think, What do I have to complain about? I’m blessed!” she said.
Vieira explained to People in an earlier interview, referring to times of frustration, “We definitely allow each other to vent. That’s part of the deal. Certainly he’s allowed to vent, because he’s got chronic illness. But I am too. Because there are days I can’t stand it and the limitations it puts on the entire family. It’s good to say it. But we don’t dwell.
“You can think, ‘Why us?’ but then it’s like, ‘Why not us?’ So many people are dealing with stuff and it puts it into perspective.”
Guidance for Caregivers
It’s important to understand that assuming the role of a caregiver when a spouse, parent, sibling, child, or friend is diagnosed with cancer or a disease like multiple sclerosis (MS) comes with a unique set of responsibilities.
The first thing to know is that there is no shame is asking for help. This can be an overwhelming time for both patients and their caregivers, too.
Julie Bulger gives some tips on how caregivers can care for themselves.
Through interviews with expert oncologists, social workers, patients advocates, and more, we’ve come up with a checklist of helpful steps cancer caregivers can take throughout the journey.
Cancer caregivers may:
- Attend doctor visits with the patient
- Help the patient take notes/ask questions
- Provide transportation to and from treatment
- Accompany the patient during treatment
- Help keep track of side effects
- Link up with a social worker/patient navigator
- Help with day-to-day activities
- Provide emotional support
“I encourage caregivers to come in to visits with my patients, because in that way, the caregiver is also listening to the recommendations — what should be done in between these visits, any changes in treatment plans, any toxicities [side effects] that we need to look out for, changes in dietary habits, exercise, etc.,” Dr. Jayanthi Lea, gynecologic oncologist at UT Southwestern Medical Center, previously told SurvivorNet. “The work is extremely hard.”
Dr. Jayanthi Lea, gynecologic oncologist at UT Southwestern Medical Center, shares some guidance for new cancer caregivers
Caregivers should be willing to share what they’ve learned while caring for their loved one day to day, letting the doctor know about any side effects or other problems that arise. They also need to be willing to take a backseat sometimes.
“Step back a little bit and let the patient speak for themselves. Let them express what they are feeling,” Dr. Lea added to SurvivorNet. “That is so important for the patient’s overall quality of life and wellbeing.”
Understanding Multiple Sclerosis
Multiple sclerosis causes the immune system to attack cells that form the protective sheath that covers nerve fibers in the spinal cord. The disruption leads to communication problems between the brain and the rest of the body.
Once the protective barrier is damaged, the spinal cord struggles to communicate to the body’s arms, legs, and other parts to function normally.
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The National Multiple Sclerosis Society lays out the different types of multiple sclerosis:
- Clinically isolated syndrome (CIS) is when an individual experiences a single neurological episode lasting 24 hours or less. CIS is what MS is diagnosed as until there is a second episode.
- Relapsing-remitting MS (RRMS): The most common MS among the million people battling the disease in the US, RRMS is marked by sudden flare-ups, new symptoms, or worsening of symptoms and cognitive function. The condition will then go into remission for some time before reemerging with no known warning signs.
- Primary progressive MS (PPMS): These individuals have no flare-ups or remission, just a steady decline with progressively worse symptoms and an increasing loss of cognitive and body functions.
- Secondary progressive MS (SPMS): This almost transitional form of MS progresses from RRMS to PPMS.
Common MS symptoms include balance issues, numbness, tingling in the limbs, vision and bladder control problems. Mood changes and mental and physical fatigue are other symptoms people living with MS may experience, according to the National Institute of Health.
The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke explains this disease as: “An unpredictable disease of the central nervous system, [MS] can range from relatively benign to somewhat disabling to devastating, as communication between the brain and other parts of the body is disrupted.” Investigators of the disease believe it to be an autoimmune disease.
Many people fighting MS experience muscle weakness and difficulty with coordination and balance.
When to Share a Diagnosis
Some people battling a serious disease are open to sharing their experiences as much as they can, while others prefer to keep it to themselves or close loved ones. SurvivorNet experts say both approaches and everything in between, are valid.
“Patients who have just been diagnosed with cancer sometimes wonder how they are going to handle the diagnosis of the cancer in social situations,” psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik explains.
Questions like “How much information should they share and with whom should they share the information?” are things Plutchik says patients need to take into consideration.
Dr. Plutchik explains, “There is no one right way to handle this diagnosis. People should do what feels right to them.”
WATCH: The benefits of finding time for joy amid health struggles.
Dr. Plutchik stresses that those close to a sick person should be respectful of their wishes when it comes to disclosing their diagnosis and seeking support.
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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