Losing a Hero
- Billie Lourd, 29, daughter of the late Stars Wars legend Carrie Fisher, shared a touching tribute to her mother on the fifth anniversary of her death.
- Lourd poured her emotion into a song, a cover of the Fleetwood Mac song Landslide, which reminds her of her mom.
- For those coping with loss, SurvivorNet’s mental health advisor explains the five stages of grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They are not always linear and can occur in a variety of different ways.
December 27 was the fifth anniversary of Fisher’s shocking death. She died of a heart attack while on a flight from London to Los Angeles. This type of anniversary is understandably the hardest, and experiencing loss so close to the holidays especially often compounds the intense sadness.
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Lourd went on to share that she and her mom loved to sing. “We loved Fleetwood Mac. We loved this song. It echoed in our living room throughout my childhood, playing slightly too loudly as she scribbled her marvelous manic musings on yellow legal pads (google them if you don't know them – they're the iPads of the past and are still pretty damn hip if you ask me).”
Emily in Paris star Lily Collins shared words of support in the comments. “So beautiful. So moving. So stunning. Send all the love and hugs in the world.” Actor Matt Bomer commented with a simple, “Wow, beautiful.” Francis Bean Cobain, daughter of singer Courtney Love and late icon Kurt Cobain, who can certainly understand her pal’s pain, chimed in with a “love u so deeply sweet friend,” adding three green heart emojis.
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Lourd continued that this song had come on when she was having a “particularly grief-y moment” and shared the lyrics that resonated with her loss:
Well I've been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder.
“I didn't know who to be or what to do after my mom died,” Lourd admitted. “I was afraid of changing because I had built my life around her. Then she was gone. And I had to rebuild my life without her. And it wasn't (and still isn't) easy. But time has made me bolder. I never stop missing her but I have gotten stronger with each passing year. And if you're going through something similar time will make you bolder too.”
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Lourd apologized for the “cheesy” lyric comparison, and finished her thoughts with “Sending all my strength to anyone in the #griefgang who needs it.”
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Lourd also expressed that people always ask her what stage of grief she’s in. She said the answer is never simple: “I'm in a different stage of grief in each moment of every day. My grief is a multi course meal with many complicated ingredients. An amuse bouche of bargaining followed by an anger appetizer with a side of depression, acceptance for the entree and of course a little denial for dessert. And that's how grief should be – all things all at once.”
Following in Mom’s Footsteps
Growing up with a top actor for a mom, and top agent for a dad, it’s no wonder that Billie found her own way into the film and TV scene. She played Chanel #3 in Fox’s horror comedy series Scream Queens and has appeared numerous times in American Horror Story, the FX horror anthology series. Last, but not least, much to the delight of superfans of the Star Wars franchise, Lourd played Lieutenant Connix in the Star Wars sequel trilogy.
Lourd has a one-year-old daughter, Kingston Fisher Lourd Rydell, with her partner, actor and producer Chris Rydell. They have been together since 2017.
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Learning About Grief
According to mental health experts, the five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
“These labels are tools to help us frame and identify what you may be feeling,” explains clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin, who specializes in mood disorders and life transitions.
“They are not linear and can occur in a variety of ways,” Dr. Strongin says. “As you find yourself experiencing some of these stages, it is important to remember that the emotions you are feeling are meaningful yet temporary. If you approach them with compassion, kindness and eventually acceptance, you will come away from this period in your life more connected to your resilience and strength.”
Dr. Strongin, who is also a mental health advisor to SurvivorNet, says that the trick to learning to accept less than optimal news is to keep the acronym “RAIN” in mind.
“RAIN stands for: RECOGNIZE and pause to notice; ALLOW, or accept your current experience; INVESTIGATE, by pinpointing what is happening in your mind and body; then NURTURE, by bringing compassion to yourself.”
Billie expressing these feelings so thoroughly and eloquently shows that she has already done some work and is quite self-aware on how she is processing emotions. Grief is a roller coaster, but it appears that she is doing the best she can, which is all we can do.
Using Loss to Fuel Creative Expression
Like Billie, Camila Legaspi suffers from intense grief from losing her momwho died from breast cancer when she was in high school. Eventually, she was able to use that the immense feeling of loss as creative inspiration.
Nothing will ever completely fill that void, understandably, but using grief to fuel and share your art is a way to have an eternal collaboration with loved ones, which can feel very special and help with those darker days.
In an interview with SurvivorNet, Camila told us that she took her sadness and let it motivate her. "I learned that it's okay to be sad sometimes. It's okay to carry sadness with you … it's not always a bad thing. It makes you who you are and it gives you a story to tell and it helps you teach other people to cope with their sadness."
Like Billie, Camila shared that her mother was a very creative person. Camila said she turned to writing as an outlet, and used her mother's creativity as a motivator. Camila went to Princeton University, and got involved with the school's magazine. She explained that instead of thinking of the loss of her mother as something terrible that happened to her family, she has let it serve as inspiration for poetry, fiction, or whatever else she may be inspired to write.
"I've learned to have it impact me in a positive way, and have it not just be a sad story … instead, I'm using it for a better purpose," Camila said.
Camila recommends that anyone going through a similar situation and dealing with loss reach out for help if they need itit's okay to not be okay for awhile.
"Therapy saved my life," she said. "I was dealing with some really intense anxiety and depression at that point. It just changed my life because I was so drained by all the negativity that was going on. Going to a therapist helped me realize that there was still so much out there for me … that I still had my family, that I still had my siblings."
"The reality is when you lose someone, it's really, really, really hard. And it's totally OK to talk to someone, and I'm so happy that I talked to my therapist," she added.
‘Therapy Saved My Life’: After Losing A Loved One, Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help
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