Coping With The Loss Of a Parent
- Actress Shannen Doherty is remembering how she coped with grief, with the help of her mom, following her beloved dad’s passing in 2010.
- Doherty’s father, John Thomas Doherty Jr., after battling various health issues, but he still lives in her and her family members’ hearts.
- Family support through life’s challenges, even cancer treatment, can make the world of a difference, whether it’s support from friends, family, spouses, or fellow cancer fighters in a support group.
- Dealing with the loss of a loved one to cancer is incredibly challenging, but moving forward with the lessons your loved one shared and remembering you don’t have to forget them can be a great place to start.
- Remember, grief is an unavoidable and important part of healing following the loss of a loved one, and talk therapy can be a useful tool to cope.
Doherty’s father, John Thomas Doherty Jr., passed away in November 2010 after battling various health issues. Even though her dad hasn’t been around during the past 14 years, during a recent episode of her “Let’s Be Clear” podcast she admitted she still feels he lives in her and her family members’ hearts.
Read MoreIn honor of Father’s Day, Doherty, recalled her dad being “very, very, very sick” when she was growing up, as he had his first heart attack in his 30s, while he was in an airport in Dallas.View this post on Instagram
“He still managed to bring me the stuffed teddy bear that he had bought me in Dallas, which I still have … I think to grow up loving someone to
that degree and then have them be so sick impacted me in a lot of ways that I didn’t realize until I was a lot older.”
Doherty, admitting to the fear she felt when he would go in and out of the hospital, said, “I was so scared that the most important man in my life
was not going to be there, that there was part of me that sort of shut down as I got older.”
Looking back on how she was always “present” when her dad was suffering, she said, “My dad must have had like ten strokes, eleven heart attacks, something like that. Bypass heart surgery, kidney failure … he was on dialysis. But I was always there.”
However, when her dad died after a stroke led to a blood clot in his brain, she wasn’t close by. Doherty said she dropped everything she was doing to fly out of New York and try to make it to her dad, but by the time she got off the plane her mom called to say he’d already passed.
Doherty explained, “I prided myself on always being there and him always knowing how much I loved him, and that he was, along with my mom, along with my brother, like my number one priority. But my dad was like my heart, you know, he was just really special.
“And to get to the hospital and to realize that you don’t get to, you know, look at them and say I love you and for them to hear you was devastating
to me. And then I had to click into like a totally different gear. I had to click into the gear of the person who can get it all done and pull it together and be there for my brother, be there for my mother, make funeral arrangements … It was just, I think it took me a while to really process.”
As for how she coped with her dad’s death, Doherty added, “My mom really helped me with that acceptance of because I blamed myself for not
being there, for putting work as a priority, even though I obviously didn’t know my dad was, you know, going to die.
“I still blamed myself and my mom really helped me go through that, helped me realize that sometimes people that really love you choose to pass away when you’re not present, they want you to remember them in a totally different way. And I kind of recognize that with my dad now that I don’t think he would have wanted me to see him like that.”
After pointing out that her battle with cancer would have “devastated” her dad if he was still alive today, Doherty revealed how grateful she is for the bond she has with her mom.
We’re happy to see Doherty having reached the point of acceptance following her dad’s death, and it’s not the first time she’s spoken out about her late loved one.
Last year, Doherty took to Instagram to honor her dad on his birthday, writing in the March 25 post, alongside a heartwarming of the actress hugging her dad, “My dad. Today is his birthday and as my mom and I watched a coyote poop in my garden (2nd photo) I could hear him chuckling with his infectious laugh.
“I miss him everyday. This year has been one for the books and I desperately wish he was here to help guide me.”
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She continued, “He always gave me the strength I needed to do what needed to be done. He stood by my side with love and kindness and that allowed me to go thru hurt and pain with a little less cause he was there.
“He was the example of what every man should strive to be. A rock. A source of deep love. A guide. Honest. Loyal to his core. Yeah, I miss him. Deeply.”
Shannen Doherty’s Cancer Battle
Shannen Doherty first received a breast cancer diagnosis in 2015 after she discovered a lump in her breast. For treatments the first time around, she underwent hormone therapy, a single mastectomy (the removal of all breast tissue from one breast), chemotherapy and radiation.
Then in 2017, Doherty was deemed to be in remission, however, the cancer returned just two years later in 2019 as metastatic, or stage four, breast cancer.
There is technically no cure for metastatic breast cancer, but that doesn’t mean people can’t live good, long lives with this stage of disease thanks to many advances in treatment.
Doherty took to Instagram at the start of 2023 to recap how her cancer fight is going. She underwent her first round of radiation to her head on Jan. 12, 2023, followed by brain surgery to remove and biopsy a tumor on Jan. 16, 2023. The surgery she underwent is called a craniotomy.
Treating Metastatic Breast Cancer
Several neurosurgeons tell SurvivorNet that the procedure can allow patients with cancer in their brain to live longer, more vibrant lives, and this appears to be the case with Doherty, who has become more candid amid cancer through her “Lets Be Clear” podcast.
How to Cope After Losing a Loved One to Cancer
Grief is defined as the devastation that occurs when we lose someone. Grieving comes in five stages, commonly referred to as the “five stages of grief.”
The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These labels help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. These stages can occur in any order.
As you find yourself experiencing some of these stages, remember that the emotions you are feeling are meaningful but also temporary. If you approach them with compassion, kindness, and eventual acceptance, you will come away from this period with a renewed sense of resilience and purpose.
“Grief comes in waves,” says Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.
Dealing With Grief After a Cancer Diagnosis
“They’re grieving the change in their life; the future they had imagined is now different.”
Some days can be more challenging than others, but Dr. Irwin says talk therapy can be helpful. It’s important to reach out to your doctor, a therapist, or support groups in your community for the help you need.
Responding to Stress: How to Cope With Complex & Changing Emotions
When a stressful life event occurs, people may react with a range of different (and quickly changing) emotions. This is completely normal.
“The way people respond is very variable,” Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik tells SurvivorNet. “Very much consistent with how they respond to stresses and challenges in their life in general.”
In this video, Dr. Plutchik is speaking mostly about how people react after a cancer diagnosis which can be a huge range of emotions from fear to anger to determination.
However, the conclusion remains the same no matter what stressor someone may be dealing with: your emotions are valid and seeking mental health help may look different for every person.
“People have a range of emotions when they’re diagnosed with cancer,” Dr. Plutchik explains. “And they can include fear, anger … and these emotions tend to be fluid. They can recede and return based on where someone is in the process. Going through a cancer diagnosis is just the beginning of a complicated, complicated process.”
Dr. Plutchik explains that the patient, or person going through the stressful event, should accept that emotions will be fluid. You may feel fine one day and then feel a massive wave of stress the next. It’s also important for those you look to for support whether that’s a therapist, friends and family, or both to understand the fluidity of stress-related emotions.
If a stressful event is affecting how you think and feel, it may be time to seek some sort of mental health treatment. This could mean traditional talk therapy, medication, changing lifestyle habits (like exercise and diet), seeking out a support group, or many other approaches.
Questions to Ask Your Doctor
- What can I do if my emotions begin to feel overwhelming?
- Are there approaches that don’t involve traditional therapy?
- Should I consider medication such as antidepressants?
- What are the potential side effects should I decide to begin medication?
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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