Living with Cancer
- Murray Brown, 31, a dad of four from Melbourne, Australia, knows what it’s like to persevere during unfathomable circumstances, having survived a double lung transplant in his late 20s, and is now facing another life-threatening diagnosis — brain cancer.
- Thankfully, Brown’s medical team was able to successfully remove his apple-sized brain tumor. He is now halfway through chemotherapy and radiation treatment, expected to finish in January, and will continue to be monitored via MRIs. Though the disease is incurable, Brown is determined to live life to the fullest with his family.
- Many survivors say that talking to your kids about cancer is the hardest part about facing the disease. Having these conversations may bring up “deep emotions,” Dr. Marianna Strongin says, explaining that there’s nothing wrong with showing emotions as long as you remain calm and give them a sense of safety about the situation.
Though the disease is incurable, Brown, who shares four kids 6 and under including 2-year-old twins with his wife Danielle, is determined to live life to the fullest just as he has since coming so close to death 12 years ago.
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Growing up, Brown had suffered from cystic fibrosis, a genetic disorder that causes thick mucus to build up in the body, as Cleveland Clinic explains, affecting the lungs and other organs like the pancreas, making it difficult to breathe.
Brown’s latest surgery involved removing an apple-sized tumor from his brain which was discovered after he suffered a seizure.
Though the operation was thankfully successful, he has been told that the cancer can come back, therefore will need “regular monitoring” via MRIs when he’s finished with treatment.
Not a ‘Straightforward Case’
“The hardest part is that we don’t know exactly how long he has,” Danielle continued. “They can’t tell us anything. So it could be 12 months, it could be 12 years — that’s very optimistic — but yeah, we have no idea.”
“I suppose, from what we understand, every case is different. And having had the transplant, that throws a bit of a spanner in the works as well,” she added, noting it is not a “straightforward case.”
Her husband, who is “remaining positive,” is now halfway through chemotherapy and radiation and set to complete his treatment in January.
‘Strong as a Family’
Despite the traumatic health events, Danielle said it’s only brought her family closer. “We’ve always been strong as a family and we always see the positives in life, and we’re especially focused on the now,”
While facing unfathomable adversity, Danielle says one silver lining of the ordeal has been that it has brought her family closer together. “We’ve always been strong as a family and we always see the positives in life, and we’re especially focused on the now — just doing things now,” she said.
And chronicling their experiences together is also important. “That might sound so simple, but we’ve always taken lots of photos, and this last little bit has shown us to take videos so the kids can see, they can hear their dad talk and can see his mannerisms.”
Danielle, in sharing their story, hopes for more kindness in this world, reminding that you never know what someone is going through, and urging people to have conversations about grief and hard topics like this.”
Most of all, “Enjoy your family,” she said. “Enjoy all the moments you can.”
Telling Your Kids You Have Cancer
A lot of survivors tell us that telling their loved ones was one of the hardest things about having cancer, especially children.
How do you keep strong for your kids when you’re simply not feeling strong? Gina de Givenchy says she told her daughter, who was 12 at the time of her diagnosis, the day after she found out.
‘When it comes to your kids, you want to protect them’
“I really wanted her to know that I was going to be OK,” Gina told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview. “I didn’t want her to see me weak and sickly. It is what it is, you can’t really hide it. But when it comes to your kids, I think you want to protect them.”
Having little ones at home that depend on you can also provide another source of motivation to fight for your life.
Children Can ‘Pick Up on Your Emotions’
Of course it depends on the age of your kids, but if parents find themselves nervous before having this conversation, licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin said children can pick up on your emotions, so it may help to check in with yourself beforehand.
“If at this moment, you are feeling scared, it might be helpful to calm and soothe yourself first before speaking to your child,” Dr. Strongin previously told SurvivorNet.
Watch: Talking to your Kids about cancer
“Having these conversations may bring up deep emotions you may have stowed away. There is nothing wrong with showing our emotions to children as long as we can remain calm and give them a sense of safety,” she said.
RELATED: ‘I Had This Mom Strength Come Over Me’: TV Journalist Amy Robach on Telling Kids About Cancer
Helping them feel safe can mean giving them tools and strategies to manage their feelings about the situation.
“I love using my childhood self when explaining anything to children,” Dr. Strongin continued. “I might say, ‘when I was your age, I remember feeling scared of many things, but one thing that always helped is taking three very deep breaths and telling my body it will be okay.’
“It is these kinds of dialogues that allow our children to feel safe and in control,” she added.
Signs And Symptoms of a Cancerous Brain Tumor
The signs and symptoms of a cancerous brain tumor can vary greatly based on the size, spread, and location of the cancer.
As a result, some individuals will not feel any real effects for some time while others will start to show symptoms almost immediately after the cancer starts to grow.
Common symptoms include:
- Intense and frequent headaches
- Intense pressure similar to a sinus infection
- Seizures
- Body tremors
- Nausea
- Fatigue
- Sudden changes in behavior
- Shifts in personality
- Short-term memory loss
- Weakness of the legs and/or arms in one side of the body
- Blurred vision
- Difficulty speaking and remembering words
Individuals who experience multiple symptoms for any extended period of time should schedule an appointment with their doctor.
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