“How Can Someone So Needed in a Family Be Taken Away?” Beth Chapman’s Stepdaughter Lyssa Struggles To Understand Why Cancer Took Her Mom
Lyssa and Beth Chapman had a rocky relationship, at times, but in the wake of her loss, Lyssa is embracing the harder times as much as the happy memories.
“I don't think I'll ever understand why someone who is so needed in a family can be taken away.”
These are the words that Lyssa Chapman, 32, used to close a heartfelt caption to an Instagram post, in which she is standing on the beach with her stepmother (whom she considered, in many ways, a full-on mother) Beth Chapman. Beth, the beloved TV personality and wife of Duane “Dog The Bounty Hunter” Chapman, died of stage IV lung cancer last month after a difficult journey that began with a stage II throat cancer diagnosis. Beth Chapman was only 51 when she died, and her family has been publicly sharing their challenges as they cope with the tremendous loss.
Lyssa wrote the caption to her Instagram post as though it were a letter directed to Beth herself.
“I miss you as deep as the ocean,” Lyssa wrote, before going on to share that she is going through some challenges and wishes Beth could be around to help her sort them out. “Around you all my problems seemed menial, I used to hate that. I miss sitting next to you and OG [Dog] on the couch. You always listened to me, heard every word I said. You'd digest my thoughts thru your head and spin them out to me in a way I could never understand. I need one of our talks, our arguments, our drinks. I don't think I'll ever understand why someone who is so needed in a family can be taken away.”
Those last words of Lyssa’s post”I don’t think I’ll ever understand why someone who is so needed in a family can be taken away”captures a question that so many struggle with during a cancer journey. The question often comes up when someone is first diagnosed with cancer, and becomes all the more pressing when cancer takes a life.
This questionand all of its variants, “why me?” “why them?” “did we do something to deserve this?”rarely have an answer. Many people recognize this deep down, but ask themselves the question regardless, trying so hard to bring clarity to something that is so chaotic.
Lyssa Chapman, known as “Baby Lyssa,” with her stepmom, Beth Chapman, on “Dog The Bounty Hunter.” (Image source: Pop Culture).
While there are many lifestyle choices that can increase cancer riskmost notably smokingthere are countless factors that contribute to cancer, such as genetic inheritance, that are beyond control. Many of these factors remain a mystery todayand indeed, one of the leading goals in medical research today is determining who develops cancer and why. Some people who smoke live to be 100, and some people who never touched a cigarette in their lives and are otherwise the picture of perfect health end up with advanced cancer diagnoses. These instances make it hard to answer that “why them?” question.
Lyssa Chapman, whose biological parents are Duane “Dog” Chapman and his third wife, Lyssa Rae Brittain, has faced a lot of adversity in her life. According to her Memoir, “Walking On Eggshells: Discovering Strength and Courage Amid Chaos,” her parents divorced before she entered Kindergarten, and her life after that was “a roller coaster of highs and lows.”
Lyssa Chapman’s memoir is a window into the challenges she faced — including in her relationship with Beth.
“Drugs and gang rape were interspersed with fun-filled trips to the beach with family,” Lyssa wrote. “Neglect, poverty, and teen pregnancy were balanced with my love for school. Racial hate crimes were the norm one day, while joy and laughter filled the next.” Lyssa Chapman went through her own divorce, too, along with a criminal charge. But as she shares in her book, Lyssa found strength and courage; she is happily engaged now to a woman named Leiana Evensen.
Lyssa Chapman with her Fiancee, Leiana Evensen. (Image source: InTouch Weekly).
In the memoir, Lyssa writes about her relationship with Beth. “As you may have seen on TV, my family is a complicated one. We often have strong differences of opinion and find ourselves at odds with one another. In particular I find that my relationship with my stepmother, Beth, is especially challenging. We are two very different people, but we make it work because the relationship is important to both of us.”
Lyssa published the memoir in 2013. In it, she works through stories of her drug addiction, and how she found strength to overcome it. Now, as her Instagram post caption shows, her relationship with Beth, though challenging, was rooted in love and advice.
“I need our talks, our arguments, our drinks,” Lyssa wrote. Importantly, Lyssa did not share any regret when it came to the “arguments.” When a loved one dies of cancer, many people struggle with feelings of guiltwishing they could take back disagreements and conflicts from the past.
But in embracing these argumentsand saying she “needs” them nowLyssa is showing her followers, many of whom can relate to what she’s going through, that it’s possible to embrace the harder moments as an important part of a relationship, too. It wasn’t always happiness and sunshine between Beth and Lyssa; things were tough. But loss is tougherand as members of the SurvivorNet community often tell us, cancer can bring clarity to the things that really matter: love, friendship, advice, companionship, and unwavering support.
