How a Supportive Partner Can Make Battling Cancer Just a Bit Easier
- Sir Elton John, 78, and David Furnish, 63, are celebrating a relationship milestone, and the “I’m Still Standing” singer—who had prostate cancer surgery in 2017—has shared a joyful photo from the day they made their civil partnership official.
- Prostate cancer does not always behave the same in every man it impacts. The cancer can be considered “low-risk” and can be slow-growing, and treatment might not be necessary. In other men, the cancer may grow faster or more aggressively, requiring more immediate treatment.
- Men at average risk of prostate cancer should consider annual screenings around age 40. Men at higher risk for the disease or have a family history of the disease should begin screening at age 40 or younger.
- Sometimes a cancer diagnosis can strengthen a relationship. Psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin recommends cancer patients surround themselves with people who care for and support them throughout treatment while also acknowledging their limits on what they can handle.
- However, being a caregiving can certainly have an impact on a relationship. To help, the National Cancer Institute suggests being open about your feelings with each other, continuing to go on dates, and always remembering that you both are on the same team.
In an anniversary post, Elton John, who previously underwent surgery after a prostate cancer diagnosis, looked back on his life with Furnish, sharing a joyful photo from their civil partnership ceremony.
Read MoreElton John wrote alongside a throwback photo of him and his beloved, “Happy anniversary to my incredible husband, @davidfurnish.View this post on Instagram
“Today we celebrate 20 years since our civil partnership, 11 years of marriage, and many more years of happiness to come!”
Furnish also shared a heartfelt post on Instagram, featuring two photos from the day they made their partnership official, writing, “20 years ago today we were civil partnered. 11 years ago today we were wedded.
“Happy Anniversary to my magnificent husband @eltonjohn. I’m so grateful for the beautiful life we have built together. Love you forever. David xo.”
The pair, who share two children together, Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John and Elijah Joseph Daniel Furnish-John married at their estate near Windsor Castle.
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They first met in 1993 at a dinner party hosted by a mutual friend, where they had such a strong connection that they went on their first date just one day later.
Speaking to Parade in an earlier interview, Elton John recounted, “In 1993 I went back to my house in Windsor for a while. I wanted meet new people so I rang up a friend in London and said, ‘Could you please rattle some new people together for dinner here Saturday?'”
“I was attracted to David immediately. He was very well dressed, very shy. The next night we had dinner. After it, we consummated our relationship. We fell in love very quickly.”
Elton John continued, offering some insight into how they’ve kept such a loving relationship, “Every Saturday for 16 years, we’ve sent each other a card, no matter where we are in the world, to say how much we love each other.”
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We’re delighted to see Elton John celebrating his husband and unwavering support system, a reminder that he’s thriving after overcoming prostate cancer years ago, something which thankfully was discovered at an early stage.
It’s important to understand that early detection of prostate is necessary as it can help reduce the risk of cancer spreading to other organs. Screening for prostate cancer generally involves a PSA (prostate-specific antigen) test and a digital rectal exam to feel the prostate gland. The prostate-specific antigen is a protein secreted by the prostate gland, large amounts of which can indicate prostate cancer.
Elton John also took to Instagram in October to wish his “wonderful husband” a Happy Birthday.
“You are the most brilliant father, bringing so much love, light, and joy into our lives every single day,” he wrote.
“Thank you for all you do for all of us – I have never been happier than with you.”
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Elton John’s Prostate Cancer Journey
Elton John was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2017 and had surgery to treat his disease, something which he impressively didn’t let slow him down.
Following surgery, he revealed that he even wore a diaper onstage during one of his concerts in Las Vegas following his surgery—since he hadn’t yet regained control of his bladder.
In “Elton John: Uncensored,” an earlier interview with the singer on BBC One, Elton John recounted to Graham Norton that he wore a diaper under his outfit during a Las Vegas show in 2017.
“If only they knew at that moment I was pissing myself,” he said.
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Elton John also wrote about his cancer diagnosis in his book “Me,” saying, “I wasn’t as shocked at hearing the word ‘cancer’ as I might have been. It was prostate cancer: no joke, but incredibly common.
“They’d caught it early, and besides, I’m blessed with a constitution that just makes me bounce back from illnesses.”
Thankfully, the surgery he underwent to remove the cancer was a success. However, 10 days later, the singer contracted a fever and a major infection.
“It turned out that I had a rare complication from the operation,” he wrote in the book, and he spent 11 days in a London hospital “wondering if I was going to die.”
The complication ultimately inspired him him to take some time off of touring to spend time with his loved ones, his husband and two children.
On his decision to have the surgery, John wrote, “A lot of men won’t have it, because it’s a major operation, you can’t have sex for at least a year afterwards and you can’t control your bladder for a while.
“But effectively my kids made the decision for me. I didn’t like the idea of cancer hanging over me us for years to come: I just wanted rid of it.”
Understanding Prostate Cancer
If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with prostate cancer, it’s important to remember that most types of prostate cancers are treatable. According to the National Cancer Institute, the five-year survival rate of prostate cancer in the U.S. is 97.1%. There is, however, a small number of men whose type of prostate cancer may become unresponsive to treatment, for example, when cancer cells develop a resistance hormone therapy, the treatment may no longer work.
RELATED: Prostate Cancer: Overview
Prostate cancer begins in the prostate the walnut-shaped gland located between the rectum and bladder that produces the fluid that nourishes sperm. Outside of skin cancers, prostate cancer is the most common cancer in American men with about one in eight men being diagnosed with this disease during his lifetime.
Expert Prostate Cancer Resources
- Balancing Treatment and Quality of Life: What Men Should Know About Prostate Cancer Care
- Chemotherapy for Prostate Cancer: Adding Power To Your Treatment Plan
- Don’t Believe the Hype: Do Your Own Research on Prostate Cancer Treatment
- How Doctors Use Risk Assessing System To Determine Best Prostate Cancer Treatment Approach
- Making Sense Of Risk: A Critical Step In Prostate Cancer Treatment Planning
- An Overview of Prostate Cancer Surgery
- Coping With Side Effects From Prostate Cancer Surgery: What To Expect
- ‘A Profound Effect’: Treating Advanced Prostate Cancer With Hormone Therapy
It’s important to remember a prostate cancer diagnosis is not always preceded by symptoms. And even when symptoms do occur, they can be inconsistent and hard to pinpoint.
“Prostate cancer is a very odd disease in that it doesn’t have a particular symptom,” Dr. Edwin Posadas, director of translational oncology and the medical director of the Urologic Oncology Program at Cedars-Sinai, told SurvivorNet.
Still, it’s important to note changes in urinary function, like urinating more or less often or waking up at night to go more than usual, could be a sign of prostate cancer. So, even if you think there’s nothing to worry about, always talk to your doctor about changes to your health when they occur.
There are many different treatment options for both early and later-stage prostate cancer including active surveillance, watchful waiting, surgery, radiation, cryotherapy, hormone therapy, chemotherapy, immunotherapy and targeted therapy. The disease is one where doctors may have differing opinions on the best treatment path to take, so don’t hesitate to ask lots of questions and seek out multiple opinions.
Second (& Third) Opinions Matter When Deciding Between Surgery or Radiation
“I think it behooves the patient to have multiple discussions or second opinions, not only by the urologist who did the biopsy and diagnosed that man, but also with other surgeons and other radiation oncologist just to get a very circumspect view of what the treatment options are,” Dr. Jim Hu, a urologic oncologist at Weill Cornell Medicine, told SurvivorNet. “Oftentimes, I think patients need to understand that our health system is based a lot on fee-for-service medicine.”
“And so therefore, a lot of physicians, I think, who are very well intentioned, will believe that their treatment is best for that particular man,” Dr. Hu added.
Treatment Decisions After a Prostate Cancer Diagnosis
Although there are numerous treatments available for prostate cancer, what your doctor recommends will depend on what category of risk your disease falls under. Sometimes that may mean doing nothing at all.
Prostate cancer is a slow-growing disease, so unless it’s been a majorly delayed diagnosis and in a more advanced stage, medical experts will sometimes suggest actively monitoring the growth, and the patient will go in for check-ups every six months or whatever timeframe the doctor deems best.
Dr. David Wise, NYU Langone medical oncologist, explains how Gleason score affects treatment and prognosis
The National Comprehensive Cancer Network (NCCN) guidelines divides prostate cancer into one of six risk categories based on how aggressive the cancer looks under the microscope and the chance of it coming back after treatment. These risk categories help guide treatment for the different subtypes of prostate cancers.
The main risk categories for prostate cancer are:
- Very-Low-Risk (VLR) and Low-Risk (LR)
- Favorable- (FIR) and Unfavorable-Intermediate-Risk (UFIR)
- High-Risk (HR) and Very-High-Risk (VHR)
Prostate cancers classified as VLR or LR represent the least aggressive forms of cancer. This categorization will be diagnosed depending on number of factors, including:
- Your doctor can’t feel the cancer on a physical exam, or it occupies one-half or less of one side of the prostate
- Your PSA is less than 10
- Your total Gleason (which is how the prostate cancer is graded) score is 6
- If your cancer is categorized as VLR or LR, your doctor may recommend active surveillance, which is sometimes called “watch and wait.”
Dr. Nicholas Nickols, a radiation oncologist at the UCLA Department of Radiation Oncology, summarizes active surveillance as follows, ‘We carefully monitor the prostate cancer for evidence of progression or not, and then initiate treatment later, if at all.”
During active surveillance, you won’t receive any treatment but your doctor will key an eye on your cancer with a series of tests including:
- PSA Levels
- MRIs
- Repeat biopsies
It’s possible that your cancer may never progress to more aggressive forms of prostate cancer. Active surveillance should help your doctor catch any changes or progression.
RELATED: What is Active Surveillance?
Patients on active surveillance can be spared the side effects of pursuing the traditional ways of treating prostate cancer. If and when the disease becomes more aggressive, as indicated by a rising PSA, development of aggressive-looking disease on MRI, or increasing Gleason score, it can then be treated with surgery, radiation, hormone therapy, chemotherapy, or a combination of these therapies.
Dr. Edwin Posadas tells you what clues might signal that you have prostate cancer
Power of Support
A support system can be made up of loved ones like family and friends. It can also be comprised of strangers who have come together because of a shared cancer experience. Mental health professionals can also be critical parts of a support system.
WATCH: Sharing details about your cancer diagnosis.
“Some people don’t need to go outside of their family and friend’s circle. They feel like they have enough support there,” psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik told SurvivorNet.
“But for people who feel like they need a little bit more, it’s important to reach out to a mental health professional,” Dr. Plutchik added.
Dr. Plutchik also stressed it is important for people supporting cancer warriors to understand their emotions can vary day-to-day.
“People can have a range of emotions, they can include fear, anger, and these emotions tend to be fluid. They can recede and return based on where someone is in the process,” Dr. Plutchik said.
Meanwhile, licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin says people faced with cancer should “surround [themselves] with individuals who care and support [them]” throughout treatment while also acknowledging their limits on what they can handle.
“Going through [cancer] treatment is a very vulnerable and emotionally exhausting experience,” Dr. Strongin wrote in a column for SurvivorNet. “Noticing what you have strength for and what is feeling like too much [is] extremely important to pay attention to as you navigate treatment.”
If you’re ever in a relationship where you feel overwhelmed by how your partner is trying to support you, Dr. Strongin says you should try to communicate your feelings. This may help you decide if your partner is the person you want beside you “during this arduous chapter” of life.
To help strengthen your relationship through what can be an emotional journey, the National Cancer Institute suggests working on the following ways to improve your communication and interactions:
- Allow your spouse to make decisions about their care.
- Allow each of you to help the other as needed, whether that’s making food or simply reading to one another during a particularly hardtime.
- Be open with the other the stress you feel from the journey and how it’s affecting the relationship.
- Remember that you two are on the same team and be open about making decisions and completing tasks both together and alone
- Remember to continue having dates and special time with one another. Whether it’s renting a movie at home or going out to eat, continue with activities you both enjoy.
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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