Coping After Losing a Loved One
- ABC’s Dr. Jennifer Ashton, 54, is embarking on a new career journey, focusing on wellness and her new science-backed newsletter Ajenda, years after losing her former husband, and father to her two children, tragically to suicide.
- The “GMA3” personality may have been through a lot, but she’s coped with it all well and has since found love and remarried.
- While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. For others, support groups or turning to faith may be helpful.
- Whichever methods of support you look for after loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
- The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration says if you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Just call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
The “GMA3” personality, whose contract with ABC will come to an end in June, said in a statement posted on her Instagram page this week, “It has been an honor to be at ABC and help cover the biggest health issues in the country and world over the past 13 years.
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Speaking to Hollywood Reporter about her major career change, Ashton said, “I kind of subscribe to the fact that when the universe sends you a message, you should listen to it. I’ve been watching and participating in the steadily building upswell of interest of those two areas in our country and in our society and in our culture and media and in medicine and in science.”
“Sometimes an important message needs the right messenger, and I feel like there is no more critical time in this country for women’s health, and for weight management.”
She explained further, “We’re facing an obesity epidemic, and menopause and perimenopause and women’s health is literally in a spotlight like never before. And I want to be the messenger for those messages. And so I’m excited about finally having the opportunity to just devote 100 percent of my time and effort into that, and using the skills that I’ve learned from being at the number one network for 13 years, I think are going to be really vital in that.”
Referring to her upcoming adventure with her new business Ajenda, Ashton added, “This has always been my medical calling, but I really feel like I was in a position to leverage my communication ability and the platform that I have in these two areas.
“So who knows what it’ll evolve into, but I know that I like communicating about these topics. And so any way that I can do that I am interested in and everything’s on the table. It might be a podcast, it might be television, docuseries, anything.”
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More Resources On Coping With Loss
- Dealing With Grief Related to Health Problems
- How to Handle the Emotional Toll of Caring for a Loved One With Cancer: Prioritizing Your Mental Health
- Mental Health: Understanding the Three Wellsprings of Vitality
- Mental Health and Cancer — The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response
- Mental Health: Coping With Feelings of Anger
- How to Be Realistically Optimistic: Coping With Mental Health Long-Term
We’re delighted to see Ashton taking the time to focus on what she truly cares about, especially as she’s previously dealt with immense grief following her ex-husband’s death. It’s truly inspiration to see the doctor power through adversity and strive to help others focus on their health.
Ashton, who published a book titled, “Life After Suicide,” back in 2019, lost her ex-husband just 18 days after her divorce from Robert C. Ashton, Jr. was finalized, according to People. The pair had been married for 21 years.
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration says if you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Just call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
Life & Love After Tragic Loss
Her ex-husband passed away on February 11, 2017, at 52 years old, after jumping off the George Washington Bridge .
During an interview with People, Ashton admitted that the morning before he died, she felt “pride” when thinking how they got through their divorce with east, saying, “I was thinking with pride that we had really done our divorce well. I was thinking about the rest of my life and excited for everyone’s future.”
However, that changed when Port Authority detectives came to her home to inform her that her husband had died.
She recounted to People, “He said, ‘I’m very sorry to tell you, but we found your name on the remains of…’ he didn’t even finish the sentence. I collapsed onto my knees and, as I was collapsing, I heard him say, ‘Your husband.’ I became completely hysterical. I started screaming, ‘No, no, no, no, no.'”
She admits in her book, which was excerpted by People, to thinking it was her “fault” following the tragic news, something which is completely normal to feel when a loved one follows through with such an unthinkable act.
Ashton, who is double-board-certified in obstetrics, gynecology and Obesity Medicine, however, has since been able to move past the tough times, guilt, grief, and all the emotions that come after losing a loved one, as she has since found love and remarried.
“I was dealing with plenty of my own healing and recovery issues. I didn’t need a man to deal with on top of all that,” Ashton writes in her book “Life After Suicide,” according to People. “And I certainly wasn’t about to go into a relationship in which I’d be the emotionally needy one.”
Ashton ultimately fell in love with TV producer and businessman Tom Werner, chairperson of the Boston Red Sox, and they married in November 2022.
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Although Ashton has been able to open up her heart to a new man, she continues to mourn her beloved ex husband, who she credits for having been such a wonderful dad to their children.
In a tribute post Ashton shared prior to getting wed to Werner, she shared an adorable family photo of her sitting in grass alongside her children and ex, all wearing tie-dye T-shirts.
She captioned the post, “5 years without you, Rob. We know you are with us everyday… the kids honor your spirit with the way they live and the people they have become. We miss you.”
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Tips For Starting Over After a Life-Changing Event
Starting over after a life-changing event, like losing a loved one to suicide, is certainly arduous, but it can be done. Here’s how:
- Examine your thoughts. Take time to reflect on the tragedy or difficulty you are facing. Dr. Scott Irwin tells SurvivorNet that, often, people with cancer and chronic disease are “grieving the change in their life, the future they had imagined is now different.”
- Seek help. Irwin, who directs Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, adds that talk therapy can help people significantly: “It’s about meeting the individual patient where they are and their feelings, how they’ve always dealt with their body image, what the body image changes mean now in their lives and their relationships, and how they can move forward given the new reality.
- Realize that you are not the first. Study the lives of other people who have faced similar difficulties. Dr. Samantha Boardman tells SurvivorNet, “Having support we know is really critical in the healing process.” She adds there is also a benefit in “talking to those who’ve, you know, been through this process, who are maybe a couple of steps ahead of you, who can tell you what it’s like to walk in their shoes and the unbelievable wisdom that one can gain from speaking to them.”
- Visualize the future. Imagine what it will look like for you to start over. Many people find it very helpful to create a vision board. Cut out pictures or quotes or mementos that give you a concrete picture of your future. Look to it when you are feeling down or in need of a lift. The good news? It works.
‘Sink or Swim’: An Inspiring Tale of Getting Back on Board
Moving Through Grief
Grief is a difficult and personal process, something Jennifer Ashton has shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
Therapy Saved My Life’: After Losing A Loved One, Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief, as can turning to faith.
Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
Managing Your Mental Health in the Face of a Health Challenge or Major Life Change
It’s only natural for divorce and a tragic death to have some sort of effect on one’s mental health. Although Jennifer Ashton appears to be coping well with all the changes, it’s important to note that the diagnosis of a cancer or disease or some external stressor like a troubled relationship can offset your mental health in ways you least expect.
Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview that emotions will be fluid when facing a diagnosis. SurvivorNet has some tips to help keep your mental and emotional health in a good space if you find yourself coping with a stressful situation.
The National Institute of Mental Health advises to seek professional help if you are experiencing severe or distressing symptoms that have lasted two weeks or more, such as:
- Trouble sleeping
- Changes in appetite
- Struggling to leave bed in the morning because of your mood
- Trouble concentrating
- Loss of interest in things you usually enjoy
- Inability to perform normal daily functions and responsibilities
Equally as important is recognizing the value of self-care. The National Institute of Mental Health offers practical guidance on how to boost your weekly self-care routine.
- Regularly exercising
- Eating healthy, regular meals
- Staying hydrated
- Prioritizing sleep
- Exploring relaxation programs or techniques
- Setting goals/priorities
- Staying positive
- Connecting with others
Battling cancer comes with a ton of emotions. These can range from “anxiety, depression, financial toxicity, social isolation, and PTSD,” SurvivorNet expert and researcher at Moffitt Cancer Center Dr. Shelly Tworoger says.
Psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin also shared some simple tips to help you maintain good mental health and reduce stress amid adversity.
When it comes to dealing with anxiety, Dr. Strongin says it’s important to have a healthy relationship with your anxiety and get to know it rather than fear it, avoid it, or push it away.
Dr. Strongin explained, “By learning more about your anxious thoughts and tendencies, one can begin to answer their anxious thoughts even in moments when there aren’t any answers. For cancer patients, the worry thoughts tend to be, ‘Will I survive?’
“It’s important to let those thoughts come in and really be able to tolerate them before answering them. This is a very powerful coping skill.”
Dr. Strongin suggests medications to help with anxiety and depression if other approaches are not as effective. She also urges cancer warriors to explore telemedicine.
Questions to Ask Your Doctor
If you find yourself struggling with a diagnosis, the death of a loved one, and or helping a loved one cope with their emotions, consider asking your doctor the following questions:
- How can I go about improving my outlook/mental health?
- Are there any activities I can do to encourage positive feelings?
- When should I seek other interventions if I’m still struggling?
- What are the steps to finding a different therapist if the one I’m using is not working out?
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
Learn more about SurvivorNet's rigorous medical review process.