Dealing With Cancer As A Parent
- Sarah Ferguson, the 63-year-old Duchess of York and British author has admitted that her recent breast cancer diagnosis was “scary” for her daughters, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie — a feeling many families facing cancer are familiar with.
- As Ferguson recovers from a single mastectomy (the removal of her breast), she has opened up about her cancer battle on her podcast “Tea Talks with the Duchess and Sarah.”
- Although Ferguson’s daughters aren’t young children anymore, it’s clear that fear is always a real feeling between parents and kidsespecially during a cancer battle.
- Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin encourages people with sick parents “to talk about your feelings with your immediate family as well as your parents.”
As Fergusonwho was married to Britain’s Prince Andrew recovers from a single mastectomy (removal of her breast) at home in Windsor, England, she has taken some time to share her story on her podcast “Tea Talks with the Duchess and Sarah.”
Read MoreRecounting how her daughters reacted to her cancer diagnosis, Ferguson said, “I think it’s scary for any family member out there, you really start to look at your own demise.
“It’s a wake-up call, and you think, how am I going to deal with this?”
Ferguson admitted that the reason why she’s doing the podcast today is to show others, “It’s not ok, but if you’re going to get it. Do the screening, catch it quick, and say, ‘I can do this.'”
“It’s not bravery, it’s not courage. It’s about understanding that you’re not going to feel as you did for a bit. So don’t try and be a superhero. Take many steps. Have the cup of tea. Trust people. Very important not to be complacent with every single thing now.”
Toward the beginning of the podcast, Ferguson noted how her daughter Beatrice picked out her clothing for the podcast interview.
She also explained, “I have to say it’s really just extraordinary to come to terms with a new you. You cannot be complacent with yourself or life or how lucky you are.
“It’s really important that my father was right, ‘The show must go on.’ But be mindful of each word you say, be gentle with yourself and people, and be very grateful.”
Ferguson also told her listeners that she had gone back to her home to hug Beatrice just because she wanted to and could, before arriving for the podcast interview.
Coping With Cancer
- Cancer Support Groups Aren’t for Everyone — We All Have Our Own Way of Coping
- How to Be Realistically Optimistic: Coping With Mental Health Long-Term
- Mental Health: Coping With Feelings of Anger
- SN & You Presents Mental Health: Coping With Emotions
- Sadness Is Not Always A Bad Thing — Coping After Losing A Parent To Cancer
- Here’s How Michael Bublé’s Son’s Liver Cancer Diagnosis Has Changed Him; Coping as a Parent Through Your Child’s Cancer
As Ferguson continues on her road to recovery, a friend reportedly said Princess Eugenie has “all but moved in” to help care for her mom, according to the Daily Mail.
Additionally, her sister Princess Beatrice was said to visit her mom often, as well as call her on the phone.
Meanwhile, Ferguson, who has made headlines over the years, often regarding her amicable spit from her ex-husband, previously opened up about her breast cancer diagnosis and treatment during another episode of her podcast.
Ferguson reportedly received her early-stage diagnosis after a routine mammogram and underwent surgery last month. According to her spokesperson, the surgery was a success and her prognosis is good.
During the podcast episode revealing her diagnosis, which was recorded one week before she underwent surgery for cancer, the TV personality said, “Tomorrow I'm going in for a mastectomy.”
She also urged others to be aware of symptoms and health, adding, “I want every single person who is listening to this podcast to go get checked, go get screened, and go do it.”
“I taking this as a gift to make real changes for myself and to nurture myself and stop trying to fix everyone else," she said. "I'm going to get super fit and super strong.”
Fighting Cancer as a Parent
Although Sarah Ferguson’s daughters aren’t young children anymore, it’s clear that fear and concern are always real feelings between parents and kidsespecially during a cancer battle.
Fear, Anger, Anxiety You're Entitled To Your Emotions
Facing cancer as a parent can be incredibly daunting. Fearful thoughts about leaving your children may creep into your mind and add even more stress to your already busy life.
Gina de Givenchy, like Sarah Ferguson, knows this to be true. She struggled to navigate the relationship with her 12-year-old daughter during her breast cancer battle.
Facing a Cancer Diagnosis as a Single Parent: "I Knew I Had to Fight for My Life"
“I felt it was important to mask it because I really wanted her to know that I was going to be OK,” she told SurvivorNet. “I didn't want her to see me weak and sickly. When it comes to your kids, I think you always want to sort of protect them.”
The pressures of parenting are always there whether cancer is a factor or not. But feeling that pressure may actually be something that helps you battle the disease with everything you've got, according to colon cancer survivor Jovannie Lorenzo.
“I knew that I had to do everything possible to be here for my children,” the single parent of three previously told SurvivorNet. “They are my saving grace. They are the reason I wake up every morning. They are the reason why I fight every single day and I make a choice to be positive, to be happy, and to move forward.”
It's also important to prepare children for what might happen in the future, but you want to be gentle with this sensitive subject. And there is no single way to go about discussing cancer with children, as widower John Duberstein previously explained with SurvivorNet.
Duberstein lost his wife to breast cancer, but before she passed away, the couple discussed her cancer with their children.
WATCH: Talking to kids about cancer.
“I think it's really important to be open with the kids as much as you can, as much as you feel like they can handle," Duberstein explained. “When Nina started to look less like a cancer patient, the kids started to make unspoken assumptions about where Nina stood.”
He went on to say as parents, they had to counter false narratives, which developed in their children's heads about their mother's prognosis. They had to gently remind them her cancer was not going away.
“It was hard for them to hear even though they'd already been prepared,” he further explained.
If parents find themselves nervous before having this conversation, licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin said children can pick up on your emotions, so it may help to check in with yourself beforehand.
“If at this moment, you are feeling scared, it might be helpful to calm and soothe yourself first before speaking to your child,” she said.
“Having these conversations may bring up deep emotions you may have stowed away. There is nothing wrong with showing our emotions to children as long as we can remain calm and give them a sense of safety,” she said.
Helping them feel safe can mean giving them tools and strategies to manage their feelings about the situation.
“I love using my childhood self when explaining anything to children,” Strongin said. “I might say, 'When I was your age, I remember feeling scared of many things, but one thing that always helped is taking three very deep breaths and telling my body it will be okay.’
“It is these kinds of dialogues that allow our children to feel safe and in control.”
Resources for Cancer-Fighting Parents Trying To Support Their Kids
There are many resources to look to if you're a parent with cancer who's trying to figure out how to navigate the relationship with your children while you fight cancer, including specific pages on the American Cancer Society and MD Anderson Cancer Center websites.
"Children tend to think in very concrete terms and like to know what's going on and what to expect," a MD Anderson Cancer Center article reads.
“If they ask something that you don't know the answer to, it's okay to tell them that you don't know and that you will work on finding the answer. The most important thing is to communicate openly, honestly and frequently.”
MORE: Telling Your Kids You Have Cancer 'When it Comes to Your Kids, You Want to Protect Them'
Dr. Strongin encourages people with sick parents “to talk about your feelings with your immediate family as well as your parents.” She's previously talked about the importance of expressing your feelings in her advice column for SurvivorNet.
“Talking about difficult things does not cause more anxiety,” Dr. Strongin said.
“It is NOT talking about the very thing that we are all afraid or worried about that causes our body to feel dysregulated (unable to manage emotional responses or keep them within an acceptable range of typical emotional reactions) and anxious."
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
Learn more about SurvivorNet's rigorous medical review process.