Change Your Outlook in 2024-- Overcoming Adversity Like Valerie Bertinelli
- Actress Valerie Bertinelli is urging other to live life to the fullest as she recounts a memorable 2023 filled with love, laughter, and endless support.
- Bertinelli has overcome adversity and continues still mourns the loss of her “soul male” guitarist Eddie Van Halen who passed from cancer in 2007. She also recently divorced her estranged husband Tom Vitale.
- Despite the though times, this past year Bertinelli celebrated the marriage of her son and his longtime love. Additionally, she admitted to having a healthy relationship with food.
- Dr. Samantha Boardman, a psychiatrist and author, suggests anyone going dealing with a challenge to put messages with affirmations in places you frequent, like “You got this!” or “Keep going!”
- Cut out inspirational quotes from people you admire and surround yourself with their words. Dr. Boardman explained to SurvivorNet that “Positive emotions have unique benefits above and beyond managing negative emotions.”
The 63-year-old actress may have been through a lot over the past few years, between filing for divorce from her estranged husband Tom Vitale to losing her “soulmate” ex-husband Eddie Van Halen to cancer, but she’s clearly not letting life’s struggles get in the way of being happy.
Read MoreBertinelli captioned her 2023 recap post on Instagram, “It’s been quite the journey this year! You can see the relief and even a little fear in the opening clip (shot on January 1, 2023) and the pure joy that starts to take hold as I find my way back to myself throughout the year. (shout out to my therapist for kindly walking me through all the uncomfortable emotional work)View this post on Instagram
“I have so much gratitude for my family and friends, finally being able to freely spend time with them has been such a big source of comfort, joy, hilarity, and healing. I love them all so.”
The creative and well-thought-out Instagram reel, accompanied by the song “The Nights” by Avicii, showed dozens of memorable moments that took place in 2023.
Revealing lots of smiles, joyful moments with her pets, time spent at concerts, as well as with family and friends, her captioned continued, “And I am grateful for this community here online I want you to know that you have helped me too.
“I can’t thank all of you enough for being here and letting me work through my pain on our little walks with Luna. Helping me and giving me insight and even sharing your pain and your healing with me. I hope I have also helped you.”
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The American actress also offered some advice for her fans, saying, “And do me a favor? Indulge in your life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Feel it all, then do your best to release what doesn’t belong to you.
“Please don’t tolerate the intolerable. You deserve better. We all do. We deserve the best this life has to offer. We ARE enough and I am so thankful for every single one of you. Here’s to a glorious 2024!”
View this post on Instagram
In a followup post, looking back on all of the good times last year, Bertinelli wrote, “This was super fun to do, looking back at all my pics and every joyful moment that has happened in the last year.
“There are still so many pictures I had to leave out and it was so much fun, I may have to do a few of these.”
In the video compilation, Bertinelli shared photos from her son Wolfgang Van Halen’s shows with his band, memorable moments from his wedding, images from her Amsterdam getaway, and adorable glimpses of her pet cats, which she has six of, and her rescue dog Luna.
She also shared some footage of her enjoying a Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour concert, pictures from her new cookbook, her 2023 Paris trip, and her new tattoo.
Leading up to the new year, Bertinelli also shared a video of herself laughing, while walking her adorable dog Luna, with the caption, “I’m just happy to be here.”
View this post on Instagram
Bertinelli has a lot to celebrate after November 2023 marked one year since her divorce from Vitale was finalized and her son Wolfgang married his love of eight years, Andraia Allsop.
The year 2023 was also a celebratory year for the mom as she revealed her new cookbook, titled “Indulge: Delicious and Decadent Dishes to Enjoy and Share,” will be out for sale on April 9, 2024, and most importantly, that she stopped counting calories and has acquired a healthy relationship with food.
Losing a “Soulmate”
In October 2020, Bertinelli lost her first husband legendary guitarist Eddie Van Halen after multiple battles with various forms of cancer. The two were married from 1981 to 2007. Despite their separation, Bertinelli considered Van Halen to be a “soulmate.”
“I just don’t feel like I’ve ever been loved like that, in that way, from anybody else,” she’s shared of her late ex-husband. “I just feel a connection with Ed that I’ve never really felt with anyone else.”
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And part of that connection comes from the fact that her relationship with the iconic musician brought their only child, musician Wolfgang Van Halen, 32, into the world.
After Wolfgang’s nomination for Distance as best rock song at the 2022 Grammys, Bertinelli shared that she felt her ex-husband’s presence was with them at the milestone event.
“There’s only one other person that would be prouder than me. And that’s pretty impossible, but it would be Ed,” Bertinelli told PEOPLE’s Janine Rubenstein and Jeremy Parsons on the red carpet at the 2022 Grammys. “I feel him so strongly right now. He’s here with us. He is.
“I’m not gonna make you [Wolf] cry too, baby. But yeah. He’s here. Thanks, Ed. It’s fun.”
Overcoming Adversity
Overcoming adversity can seem daunting. Many people think reciting upbeat mottos or pretending to be cheerful will help, but these solutions can make someone feel even more dejected than before. Instead, pay attention to the following steps to make meaningful change.
Adversity And The Art of Happiness: How Hardship Makes You Even Stronger
- Set a goal. No matter what the situation, create a new goal for yourself. If you have just been diagnosed with cancer or a chronic illness, perhaps one goal would be to educate yourself about the disease and the possible treatments as much as possible.
- Make a plan. How will you achieve this goal? Your plan will help you focus on that goal. Dr. Siddhartha Ganguly refers to this determined, focused mindset as “the eye of the tiger,” which can help people dealing with health problems, such as lymphoma and other cancers. “ou have to have the eye of the tiger to go through this grueling process that is necessary these days to get rid of these virulent and aggressive cancers,” Dr. Ganguly, a cancer specialist at Houston Methodist, told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.
- Rely on others. Spend time with people who show you unconditional support and encouragement. They will alleviate your stress and help you remember that you’re not alone in this! Dr. Samantha Boardman, a psychiatrist and author, previously told SurvivorNet that one “coping strategy that can be productive is reaching out and talking to others. Having support we know is really critical in the healing process.”
- Use positive self-talk. Leave messages with affirmations in places you frequent. Put notes around your mirror or the computer screen that say “You got this!” or “Keep going!” Cut out inspirational quotes from people you admire and surround yourself with their words. Dr. Boardman explained to SurvivorNet that “Positive emotions have unique benefits above and beyond managing negative emotions.”
It’s important to remember that battling cancer, going through divorce, or losing a loved one to cancer like Bertinelli has, comes with a wide range of emotions. These can range from “anxiety, depression, financial toxicity, social isolation, and PTSD,” SurvivorNet expert and researcher at Moffitt Cancer Center, Dr. Shelly Tworoger, previously explained.
Psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin also spoke SurvivorNet in an earlier interview, sharing some simple tips to help you maintain good mental health and reduce stress amid adversity.
When it comes to dealing with anxiety, Dr. Strongin says it’s important to have a healthy relationship with your anxiety and get to know it rather than fear it, avoid it, or push it away.
“By learning more about your anxious thoughts and tendencies, one can begin to answer their anxious thoughts even in moments when there aren’t any answers. For cancer patients, the worry thoughts tend to be, ‘Will I survive?’
“It’s important to let those thoughts come in and really be able to tolerate them before answering them. This is a very powerful coping skill.” Dr. Strongin explained.
Dr. Strongin suggests medications to help with anxiety and depression if other approaches are not as effective. She also urges cancer warriors to explore telemedicine.
The Importance of Support
Having a strong support system is crucial during the emotionally and physically taxing job of battling disease or coping with the loss of a loved one.
The Benefit of Support Networks for Cancer Patients
“Studies have found consistently that loneliness is a significant risk factor for physical and mental illnesses and the trajectory of recovery,” licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin told SurvivorNet.
“The act of sharing our time and words with others can alleviate emotional and physical pain.”
In order to receive support, however, it is imperative you share at least some details about your journey, either with disease or a disability, with others. But whom you share with and how much to share is entirely up to you.
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“Some people start to kind of share the information with many family members and friends, and they feel that works for them, and that it’s a way that they can get support from other people,” New York-based psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik said.
“Other people are much more private about it, and there is no one right way to handle this diagnosis. People should do what feels right to them.”
Some cancer survivors don’t need to go beyond their circle of family and friends for support, but others might need a little extra help. For the latter group, Dr. Plutchik recommends reaching out to a mental health professional who has experience working with cancer warriors.
“Try to find a mental health professional who is experienced in this area and who really understands the nuance and intricacies involved in this,” Dr. Plutchik explained. “Make sure that the mental health professional that you work with is reaching out with your consent to the rest of the team, to the oncologist, to the surgeon if those people are involved.
“It can be helpful to reach out to family, friends, anybody else, any other caretakers that would be involved in the person’s treatment. You don’t want a situation where everybody is kind of doing their own thing on the team.”
Seeking Support: The First 3 Things to Do After a Cancer Diagnosis
We love how Bertinelli is keeping an attitude of gratitude and remaining grateful for her community, in addition to helping others finding community support. Having a strong support network through cancer is so important.
Dr. Plutchik recommends the following three steps for anyone who just found out they or a loved one has cancer.
Seek additional support if you need it. This might mean speaking to a mental health professional or finding a support group to join.
- If needed, find a mental health professional who has experience helping people dealing with things like cancer.
- Make sure your care team stays connected. Your care team may include your friends, loved ones, therapist and doctors.
Overall, know you’re not alone and there are many people out there for you to be vulnerable with should you choose to open up about what you’re going through.
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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