Power of Support During Cancer
- Actor James Van Der Beek, 48, who has been battling stage 3 colorectal cancer since August 2023, has just celebrated his 15th wedding anniversary with his wife Kimberly, the mother of their six children.
- Colon cancer is highly treatable and curable when detected early. Routine colorectal cancer screenings are typically recommended beginning at age 45. Those with increased risk, such as a family history of the disease, may require earlier screening. It’s important to discuss personal risk factors and testing options with a medical provider.
- Sometimes a cancer diagnosis can strengthen a relationship. Psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin recommends cancer patients surround themselves with people who care for and support them throughout treatment while also acknowledging their limits on what they can handle.
- However, being a caregiving can certainly have an impact on a relationship. To help, the National Cancer Institute suggests being open about your feelings with each other, continuing to go on dates, and always remembering that you both are on the same team.
- Caregiving can also be a strain for the caregiver. To avoid burnout the stress, fatigue and illness that can result from putting someone else’s needs above your own remember to take care of yourself, too.
Van Der Beek was diagnosed with colon cancer, also known as colorectal cancer, which affects the large intestine or rectum, two years ago after getting a colonoscopy. We’re delighted to see the actor celebrating the good things in life and taking time to appreciate his wife as he continues on his stage 3 colon cancer journey, when the disease has spread beyond its point of origin, prompting the need for aggressive treatment.
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Van Der Beek captioned his Instagram post, featuring a selfie of him and his wife, “15 years ago today, this woman agreed to be my bride.
“@vanderkimberly you are the most extraordinary human I’ve ever met. One day I’ll tell the story of what you’ve endured these last two years and how you’ve shown up, time and time and time again.”
He continued, “You have not only saved my life… you’ve shown me what it is to live. There are no words for how much I love and appreciate you. I could not do this without you.
“Happy anniversary my love.”
Expert Support Resources
- “Therapy Saved My Life”: After Losing A Loved One, Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
- 27 Thoughtful Gift Ideas to Support Loved Ones Through a Cancer Journey
- Finding the Support You Need to Heal During Cancer Treatment
- 7 Cancer Survivors Share How Gratitude, Faith, & Seeking the Good In Life Help Give Them Strength
- He Chose to Be There for Me — Getting the Support You Need During Treatment
- The Secret to a Long, Happy Marriage: Jeff Bridges, 74, Says Simply ‘Don’t Get a Divorce’
- 7 Cancer Survivors and Thrivers Tell Us How They Keep a Positive Attitude
One fan commended the “Varsity Blues” actor for his ability to appreciate the beauty of life through hardship, commenting, “As a therapist you are the best reminder that I give all my clients. You can experience more than one emotion in a day. Happiness and sadness. Love and grief. Gratitude and Questioning.
“A reminder that empathy is alive. It’s not just thoughts and prayers, it’s the ‘I can deeply feel what you’re conveying.’ You are a beautiful human. With a beautiful family. Happy anniversary.”
Another fan wrote, “You two are goals. I will never know you, personally, but I aspire to have the gratitude and respect that you two have. Sending you anniversary wishes.”
“These are the kind of humans that are worth following and cheering on,” commented a third fan.
Van Der Beek, who often pays tribute to his other half, someone he met by chance on a trip to Israel just one year before they got married, wrote in an earlier Instagram post, “All I wanted to do was take care of you. I never once thought there’d come a time when I’d need you to take care of me.”
“Thank you for being on this Earth. Thank you for sticking by me. And thank you for being a guiding light in the lives of everyone lucky enough to know you,” he continued,
“I’ll fall for you a million times over.”
Both him and his wife share six children: Olivia, Gwendolyn, Annabel, Emilia, Joshua and Jeremiah.
Power of Support
A support system, like how Van Der Beek has with his wife and six children, can be immensely helpful during a health battle. It can also be comprised of strangers who have come together because of a shared cancer experience. Mental health professionals can also be critical parts of a support system.
WATCH: Sharing details about your cancer diagnosis.
“Some people don’t need to go outside of their family and friend’s circle. They feel like they have enough support there,” psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik told SurvivorNet.
“But for people who feel like they need a little bit more, it’s important to reach out to a mental health professional,” Dr. Plutchik added.
Dr. Plutchik also stressed it is important for people supporting cancer warriors to understand their emotions can vary day-to-day.
“People can have a range of emotions, they can include fear, anger, and these emotions tend to be fluid. They can recede and return based on where someone is in the process,” Dr. Plutchik said.
Meanwhile, licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin says people faced with cancer should “surround [themselves] with individuals who care and support [them]” throughout treatment while also acknowledging their limits on what they can handle.
“Going through [cancer] treatment is a very vulnerable and emotionally exhausting experience,” Dr. Strongin wrote in a column for SurvivorNet. “Noticing what you have strength for and what is feeling like too much [is] extremely important to pay attention to as you navigate treatment.”
If you’re ever in a relationship where you feel overwhelmed by how your partner is trying to support you, Dr. Strongin says you should try to communicate your feelings. This may help you decide if your partner is the person you want beside you “during this arduous chapter” of life.
Relationships and Cancer
Supporting a disease-fighting spouse or partner, in particular, can shine a bright light on the relationship you’ve already built. Just take it from actress and melanoma survivor Jill Kargman.
“I think cancer is a great way to find out if you’re with the love of your life or a sh*thead,” she previously told SurvivorNet. “I think it presses the fast forward button on getting to the bottom of that answer, because a lot of people in middle age are kind of at a crossroads, waiting for their kids to fly the coop.
Jill Kargman on Relationships and Cancer
“I think if you’re with someone who is not supportive and kind of emotionally checked out or doesn’t tell you you’re still beautiful with that, this might not be your person.”
To help strengthen your relationship through what can be an emotional journey, the National Cancer Institute suggests working on the following ways to improve your communication and interactions:
- Allow your spouse to make decisions about their care.
- Allow each of you to help the other as needed, whether that’s making food or simply reading to one another during a particularly hardtime.
- Be open with the other the stress you feel from the journey and how it’s affecting the relationship.
- Remember that you two are on the same team and be open about making decisions and completing tasks both together and alone
- Remember to continue having dates and special time with one another. Whether it’s renting a movie at home or going out to eat, continue with activities you both enjoy.
“Try to be yourself and live as normally as possible. Behaving differently may make your partner feel more aware of the cancer,” MacMillan Cancer Support explains.
“It can help to ask your partner what support they would like and find useful. This makes sure you help where it is most wanted and needed. It can also help you avoid misunderstandings.”
Though it might not be the case for all couples, there are many who see their relationships strengthen after they are thrown the curveball of cancer.
Understanding Colon Cancer & Van Der Beek’s Diagnosis
James Van Der Beek learned he had colorectal cancer last year after getting a colonoscopy done. He told People in his tell-all interview that his bowel issues led him to get checked.
“I thought maybe I needed to stop coffee. Or maybe not put cream in the coffee. But when I cut that out and it didn’t improve, I thought, ‘All right, I better get this checked out,'” he said.
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Before Van Der Beek’s interview was published, the beloved actor wrote the following alongside a November 3rd Instagram post, “‘It is cancer…’ Each year, approximately 2 billion people around the world receive this diagnosis. And I’m one of them. There’s no playbook for how announce these things, but I’d planned on talking about it at length with People magazine at some point soon… to raise awareness and tell my story on my own terms. But that plan had to be altered early this morning when I was informed that a tabloid was going to run with the news.
“I’ve been dealing with this privately until now, getting treatment and dialing in my overall health with greater focus than ever before. I’m in a good place and feeling strong. It’s been quite the initiation, and I’ll tell you more when I’m ready.
“Apologies to all the people in my life who I’d planned on telling myself. Nothing about this process has occurred on my preferred timeline… But we roll with it, taking each surprise as a signpost, pointing us toward a greater destiny than we would have discovered without divine intervention,” he continued. “Please know that my family and I deeply appreciate all the love and support.”
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Colorectal cancer happens when polyps are not removed and become cancerous. It can take up to 10 years for a colon polyp to become cancerous, according to SurvivorNet experts.
“We know that colon cancers can be prevented when polyps are found early,” Dr. Heather Yeo, a surgical oncologist who specializes in colorectal cancers at Weill Cornell Medicine, told SurvivorNet.
“Lowering the screening age helps somewhat with this, but access to care is a real problem,” Dr. Yeo added.
Dr. Zuri Murrell, a colorectal cancer surgeon and Director of the Cedars-Sinai Colorectal Cancer Center, previously explained the colonoscopy procedure to SurvivorNet.
“When we see a polyp, we actually physically take the polyp out through the colonoscope,” he explained. “What does that mean? That means we basically put a wire through with a little bit of a flange at the end, and we pull the polyp out. Now, note there is no pain with that. Inside the colon, there are no pain fibers. So, there’s no pain.”
The advantage of a colonoscopy is that your doctor can remove any polyps found during the test. Many colon cancers can be caught on colonoscopy before they develop or when the polyps are small enough to be removed without surgery.
Looking for Polyps During Colonoscopy
The American Gastrointestinal Association lowered the recommended initial age for a colorectal screening from 50 to 45.
The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommends guidelines that state colon cancer screenings should begin at 45 years old. This is in response to the increase we see in colon cancer diagnoses in younger adults.
However, many insurance companies still do not cover the cost of screenings for those under 50. In the past, the disease had predominantly been found in adults 50 years or older, but for those predisposed to getting it at a younger age, these new guidelines could help catch it earlier.
Understanding Treatment Options
Although, Van Der Beek has chosen to keep the details of his colon cancer journey and treatment process private, it’s important to understand that your doctor has many ways to treat colon cancer, depending on what stage the cancer is, including:
- Surgery
- Radiation therapy
- Chemotherapy
- Targeted therapy
- Immunotherapy
Surgery
Surgery is the main treatment for most early-stage colon cancers, according to the doctors SurvivorNet spoke with. The surgeon will remove the part of the colon or rectum where there is cancer, along with a small area of healthy tissue around it. Taking out as much of the cancer as possible is important for improving your outcome.
The surgery may be performed through small incisions (laparoscopy), or through a larger incision. Some people may need to wear a special bag (ostomy) to collect wastes after surgery.
Deciding When to Operate on Colon Cancer
Radiation Therapy
This treatment aims high-energy x-rays at the cancer to destroy the abnormal cells. The radiation can come from a machine outside your body, or be placed directly inside your body. Sometimes people get radiation before surgery, to shrink the tumor and make it easier for the surgeon to remove. This is called neoadjuvant radiation.
Chemotherapy
This treatment uses strong medicine to stop cancer cells from dividing, no matter where they are in your body. You may get a combination of chemotherapy drugs as your first treatment. Chemotherapy has been very well studied for colorectal cancer, and it is known to improve survival.
The most common therapy is a combination of chemo drugs called FOLFOX:
- FOL = leucovorin calcium (folinic acid)
- F = fluorouracil
- OX = oxaliplatin
Your doctor may add medications like irinotecan (FOLFIRI) or cetuximab, depending on how well your tumor shrinks with treatment and other specifics about your particular cancer. For FOLFOX, the medications are given through the vein and require regular doctor visits.
To determine exactly which chemotherapy regimen you get, your doctor will consider your age and how well you might tolerate the side effects of chemotherapy. Gene mutations (for example, BRAF and KRAS) and the location of the primary colon tumor also factor into the decision.
You can also get chemotherapy before colon cancer surgery, which is called neoadjuvant chemotherapy. Getting chemo first helps to shrink the tumor, which can make both the surgery and recovery easier, according to SurvivorNet’s experts. Chemo is also a treatment for cancer that returns after therapy.
Targeted Therapy
This treatment targets substances like proteins or genes that the cancer needs to grow. This makes targeted therapy more precise than chemotherapy, and less likely to damage healthy cells. One example of targeted therapy is bevacizumab (Avastin), which stops the growth of new blood vessels that feed tumors. Another group of targeted therapies are called epidermal growth factor receptor (EGFR) inhibitors, which block the cancer from growing.
Immunotherapy
This treatment makes your own immune system a more efficient cancer fighter. A group of drugs called checkpoint inhibitors, which includes pembrolizumab (Keytruda) and nivolumab (Opdivo), work by preventing cancer cells from hiding from your immune system. Checkpoint inhibitors may extend the amount of time before the cancer spreads.
Dr. Paul Oberstein, on which treatments doctors use to turn stage 4 colon cancer into a chronic but manageable disease
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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