Facing Cancer as a Parent
- Young mom Catherine, the Princess of Wales, otherwise known as 42-year-old Kate Middleton, is battling cancer and understands the need to tell her three children George, Charlotte and Louis “in a way that is appropriate for them, and to reassure them.”
- Anyone battling cancer may find telling their children about their diagnosis to be a really difficult task. You want to be honest with them and you want them to be prepared for what might happen, but at the same time you want to protect them, and be as gentle as possible.
- “Having these conversations may bring up deep emotions you may have stowed away. There is nothing wrong with showing our emotions to children as long as we can remain calm and give them a sense of safety,” Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin said.
- Facing cancer as a parent can be an incredibly difficult task. But having children who depend on you can also provide another reason to fight the disease with everything you’ve got.
- Chemotherapy is an effective tool for oncologists to treat cancer by stopping cancerous cells from growing, dividing, and spreading to other organs. Chemo works by traveling through the bloodstream, killing cancerous cells. However, the process also impacts healthy cells, leading to side effects. There are several things you can do to help minimize the hit and restore energy, like exercising, eating well, and getting an adequate amount of sleep.
When she realized she needed to inform her three children George, Charlotte and Louis about her cancer diagnosis, she knew it was necessary to inform them “in a way that is appropriate for them, and to reassure them” that she was going to be OK.
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“In January, I underwent major abdominal surgery in London and at the time, it was thought that my condition was non-cancerous. The surgery was successful. However, tests after the operation found cancer had been present. My medical team therefore advised that I should undergo a course of preventative chemotherapy and I am now in the early stages of that treatment.
“This of course came as a huge shock, and William and I have been doing everything we can to process and manage this privately for the sake of our young family.”
She explained further, “As you can imagine, this has taken time. It has taken me time to recover from major surgery in order to start my treatment. But, most importantly, it has taken us time to explain everything to George, Charlotte and Louis in a way that is appropriate for them, and to reassure them that I am going to be OK.
“As I have said to them, I am well and getting stronger every day by focusing on the things that will help me heal; in my mind, body and spirits.”
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Middleton also revealed how grateful she is to have her loving husband by her side, as a “great source of comfort and reassurance.”
She concluded, “As is the love, support and kindness that has been shown by so many of you. It means so much to us both. We hope that you will understand that, as a family, we now need some time, space and privacy while I complete my treatment. My work has always brought me a deep sense of joy and I look forward to being back when I am able, but for now I must focus on making a full recovery.
“At this time, I am also thinking of all those whose lives have been affected by cancer. For everyone facing this disease, in whatever form, please do not lose faith or hope. You are not alone.”
RELATED: Kate Middleton Warms Hearts In Touching Video With Brave Child Cancer Survivor
Expert Resources On Coping With a Cancer Diagnosis
- Facing a Cancer Diagnosis as a Single Parent: ‘I Knew I Had to Fight for My Life’
- Taylor Swift Speaks Up About What It’s Like To Have A Parent With Cancer
- Telling Your Kids You Have Cancer: “When it Comes to Your Kids, You Want to Protect Them”
- ‘How Much Will It Cost?’: A Guide to Coping With the Cost of Cancer Treatment
- SN & You Presents Mental Health: Coping With Emotions
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Managing Chemotherapy and Its Side Effects
Chemotherapy is an effective tool for oncologists to help treat cancer by stopping cancerous cells from growing, dividing, and spreading to other organs. Chemo works by traveling through the bloodstream, killing cancerous cells. However, the process also impacts healthy cells, leading to side effects.
Patients almost universally experience fatigue, often alongside gastrointestinal side effects, such as nausea. Doctors have many effective medications to combat chemo-induced nausea. “But mitigating that fatigue often depends on the patient,” Dr. Urban said.
“Neuropathy is probably one of the most challenging side effects,” Dr. Urban continued.
Neuropathy results from damage to the peripheral nerves. It usually resolves after chemotherapy treatment, but sometimes symptoms can persist. While it’s typically characterized by numbness or a pins-and-needles sensation in the hands and feet, neuropathy can have several different symptoms, including:
- Weakness in the hands or feet
- Stabbing or burning pain in the hands or feet
- Difficulty gripping, such as when holding a fork
- Difficulty with fine motor skills, such as writing or buttoning a shirt
- Nausea and vomiting are common side effects of chemotherapy. When chemotherapy affects the rapidly dividing cells in the stomach lining, the resulting cellular havoc in the gastrointestinal tract can lead to side effects such as nausea and vomiting. However, doctors can help patients mitigate the hit with various medications before, during, and after treatment.
“Part of the chemotherapy prescription includes a set regimen of anti-nausea medications…We also ensure patients have medications at home that they can use should they develop nausea after treatment,” Dr. Urban added.
WATCH: Managing chemo side effects.
Tips to Navigating Chemo Side Effects
Doctors don’t have an arsenal of prescription medications to combat fatigue. However, you can do several things to help minimize the hit and restore your energy.
- Exercise: While it may be counterintuitive, physical activity can help alleviate side effects, especially fatigue. “Although ovarian cancer is not common, we often draw upon the experience of patients with breast cancer and colon cancer that have shown that physical activity can not only improve quality of life but may also have beneficial impacts on cancer outcomes,” Dr. Urban says.
- Eat well: Even though nausea may interfere with your ability to eat a healthy diet, it’s essential to ensure you’re eating appropriately, getting enough protein, and not losing weight. Not only will nourishing your body support your recovery, but it may also help you feel more energized.
- Sleep: Want to mitigate fatigue? Be sure to maintain your regular sleep-wake cycle while on treatment. Sticking to a set sleep schedule helps reduce fatigue by ensuring enough hours for your body to heal and restore itself each night. It may also help you recover more quickly by keeping energy levels high during the daytime.
WATCH: Exercising and Cancer
Battling Cancer as a Parent
Opening up about cancer diagnosis with children can be really difficult task. You want to be honest with them and you want them to be prepared for what might happen, but at the same time you want to protect them, and be as gentle as possible.
John Duberstein, who lost his wife Nina to cancer, explains that he and his wife tried to take a progressive approach and be as open with their kids as possible. But as honest as they were, they ran into some issues with their kids understanding the disease. When Nina started to look healthier, for example, the kids assumed she was getting better, but that wasn’t the case.
Talking to Kids About Cancer: Be Open as Much as You Can
“It was a real eye-opening moment for two people who felt like they were dealing really head-on with this stuff, talking to the kids,” Duberstein told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.
“So I think it’s important to be open with the kids as much as you can, as much as you feel like they can handle. But it’s also important to revisit it and not make assumptions. At the end of the night, what Nina had to tell them was, ‘I’m not ever going to get better. My cancer is not ever going to go away,’ it was hard for them to hear even though they’d already been prepared.”
Meanwhile, breast cancer survivor Gina de Givenchy previously spoke with SurvivorNet about going through cancer treatment as the mother of a 12-year-old girl.
“I felt it was important to mask it because I really wanted her to know that I was going to be OK. I didn’t want her to see me weak and sickly,” she said. “When it comes to your kids, I think you always want to sort of protect them.”
Telling Your Kids You Have Cancer ‘When it Comes to Your Kids, You Want to Protect Them’
The pressures of parenthood can be daunting during a cancer journey, but having little ones that depend on you can also provide another source of motivation to fight for your life.
Jovannie Lorenzo also knows this to be true. When she was diagnosed with colon cancer at 32, she felt an immense amount of fear because she was a single parent of her three kids. Going into her cancer battle, Lorenzo knew she would do everything in her power to be around to raise them.
Facing a Cancer Diagnosis as a Single Parent: “I Knew I Had to Fight for My Life”
“I knew that I had to do everything possible to be here for my children,” Lorenzo told SurvivorNet. “They are my saving grace. They are the reason I wake up every morning. They are the reason why I fight every single day and I make a choice to be positive, to be happy, and to move forward.”
Obviously, not every parent feels comfortable sharing so much about their diagnosis with their children. Some survivors have even told us that they were afraid to tell their family members, but as for Duberstein, de Givenchy, and Lorenzo, honesty was the best policy.
Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin encourages people with sick parents “to talk about your feelings with your immediate family as well as your parents.” She’s previously talked about the importance of expressing your feelings in her advice column for SurvivorNet.
“Talking about difficult things does not cause more anxiety,” Dr. Strongin said. “It is NOT talking about the very thing that we are all afraid or worried about that causes our body to feel dysregulated (unable to manage emotional responses or keep them within an acceptable range of typical emotional reactions) and anxious.”
Specifically, with patients who may be scared to talk to their children about a diagnosis, Strongin said children can pick up on their emotions, so it may help to check in with yourself beforehand.
“Having these conversations may bring up deep emotions you may have stowed away. There is nothing wrong with showing our emotions to children as long as we can remain calm and give them a sense of safety,” Dr. Strongin said.
Sharing Your Cancer News
For many people, revealing the news of their diagnosis is a way of coping, and receiving needed support for a cancer journey. However, it’s certainly a highly personal decision that should be undertaken on an individual basis.
Some people may choose to keep their diagnosis to themselves or close loved ones, and that’s equally respectable. Others may find strength and comfort in letting people know about their struggle. And that’s OK too.
Some people might find the process of sharing the news to feel like a burden and opt for something a little more separated from telling people face to face, like sharing the news on social media or a blog.
Deciding When and Who to Tell About My Diagnosis Became a Burden
Health is a deeply private matter, and it’s up to you and you alone to determine who has the right and privilege to know about your diagnosis.
For example, veteran NPR correspondent Ina Jaffe underscored this point in an essay she wrote a few years back.
“By the way, I have no issue with people who want to keep their cancer diagnosis a secret to the end. If you have the misfortune to have cancer, you get to have it any way you want,” wrote the NPR host.
Jaffe opened up about her decision that keeping her cancer diagnosis a secret “served me well.” Doing so meant that she “didn’t have to explain myself to friends and strangers while I was still in the hysterical stage,” she wrote.
Detailing the mental and emotional toll of her diagnosis, Jaffe says she stopped sleeping and eating, and she cried a lot. “I was grieving for my own life,” she said.
Dealing With Grief After a Cancer Diagnosis
Coping With a Diagnosis
Middleton’s stunned reaction to her cancer diagnosis is completely normal. Coping with a diagnosis involves a range of emotions from anger to sadness and everything in between.
Sarah Stapleton, a licensed clinical social worker, encourages cancer warriors and their families to be “patient with your emotions.”
It’s also important that you understand how you communicate with your providers, but also with your loved ones,” Stapleton said. “We can’t always assume that people know what we need at a given time, and there are going to be times when you don’t want to speak about your diagnosis and you don’t want to speak about cancer.
Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik previously explained to SurvivorNet some tips for cancer warriors and their caregivers for managing emotions after a diagnosis. She emphasized getting extra support from loved ones.
“Some people don’t need to go outside of their family and friend circle. They feel like they have enough support there,” Dr. Plutchik said. “But for people who feel like they need a little bit more, it is important to reach out to a mental health professional.”
“Patients who have just been diagnosed with cancer sometimes wonder how they are going to handle the diagnosis of the cancer in social situations,” Dr. Plutchik added. “How much information they should share and with whom they should share the information, everybody is different.”
Ultimately it comes down to what feels right. Loved ones supporting a cancer warrior are encouraged to respect the wishes of the cancer patient when it comes to disclosing their diagnosis.
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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