Coping With The Loss Of a Parent
- Braunwyn Windham-Burke, star of “Real Housewives of Orange County,” is grieving the loss of her father, Dr. Brian Herman, who died at 63 after battling brain cancer. Both she and her mother shared heartfelt tributes on social media, remembering him as a loving dad, husband, and healer.
- It appears he battled Glioblastoma (GBM), a grade 4 glioma, which presents significant challenges for treatment due to its highly invasive nature, rapid growth, and resistance to most conventional therapies.
- While new treatment approaches are continually being explored through clinical trials, the standard of care for glioblastoma has remained largely consistent since 2005. It combines maximal safe surgical resection (surgery to remove as much of the cancer as possible) followed by chemotherapy and radiation. The typical course after surgery is chemotherapy and radiation therapy together, followed by additional chemotherapy.
- Dealing with the loss of a loved one to cancer is incredibly challenging, but moving forward with the lessons your loved one shared and remembering you don’t have to forget them can be a great place to start.
- If you’re working to overcome adversity, try making a plan. Dr. Siddhartha Ganguly, a cancer specialist at Houston Methodist, refers to this determined, focused mindset as “the eye of the tiger,” which can help people dealing with health problems. “You have to have the eye of the tiger to go through this grueling process that is necessary these days to get rid of these virulent and aggressive cancers,” Dr. Ganguly tells SurvivorNet.
In an emotional post remembering her father, Windham-Burke wrote, “I’m writing this with my hands shaking, barely being able for my brain to catch up with this new reality.he was an amazing dad, grandad, husband and human.
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Her mom, Dr. Deborah ‘Deb’ Windham, also announced the passing of Herman, captioning a tribute post on instagram, “Rest in peace king. See you soon my beautiful man. Taken too early. We really lived!
“None of this seems real … 44 years. I’m so grateful for what you’ve gifted me, our children, the world. You’re at peace my beloved, these last months have been so hard for you, as you peeled back layer after layer of identity and ego, you were never afraid for yourself, only concerned about us.”
She concluded, “You didn’t want us to be sad, never complained, still saying yes til the last breath. The world has lost a powerful healer, a good human, a funny soul.”
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Leading up to his death, he said said in another post, shared by his wife, “I may not walk or dance anymore, yet, I am here in deepest gratitude for heros, people who are extraordinary, loved ones, friends, a cozy sanctuary.
“I can speak, my humor is intact, after 3 brain surgeries, 2 rounds of radiation, multiple rounds of chemo, I’ve still got work to do, physically and spiritually. Unable to save lives surgically, I can advise my kids on life.”
He added, “I’ve got a book to finish, an art project to build, a longevity clinic to rise, letters to write to loved ones… I’m not defined by my trauma, I am how I respond to it.”
According to Instagram posts, it appears Herman had been battling glioblastoma, as his wife has used the hashtag “#fu*k glioblastoma” in some of her posts.
Glioblastoma multiforme (GBM) remains one of the most aggressive and challenging cancers to treat, however, hope should never be lost. Clinical trials come online every year and can be found through SurvivorNet’s Clinical Trial Finder, a free tool designed to help patients identify relevant trials quickly and easily.
Fighting Glioblastoma With New Weapons: Emerging Clinical Trials
Glioblastoma grows rapidly and infiltrates surrounding brain tissue, making it challenging to treat. A diagnosis of glioblastoma is indeed overwhelming, but understanding your treatment options can empower you to make informed decisions about your care.
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Understanding Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM) & The Standard Of Care
Glioblastoma multiforme (GBM) is the most aggressive form of brain cancer. It grows rapidly and infiltrates surrounding brain tissue, making it challenging to treat. A diagnosis of glioblastoma is indeed overwhelming, but understanding your treatment options can empower you to make informed decisions about your care.
After you’ve had a full work-up, experts say getting a consultation at a treatment center that sees a lot of patients with brain cancer can be an extremely valuable step.
Dr. Randy Jensen, a neurosurgeon at Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City, tells SurvivorNet that the standard of care for glioblastoma is typically to start with surgery.
“The standard of care for glioblastoma is to start off with a maximal safe resection, and that means having your surgeon pull out all the stops of anything they can do to maximize resection [removal],” Dr. Jensen explains.
While surgery is often where treatment starts, the treatment path for glioblastoma requires a comprehensive approach involving multiple medical specialties. Your care team may include neurosurgeons, medical oncologists, radiation oncologists, neuro-oncologists, and supportive care specialists.
The treatment approach for glioblastoma may consist of the following steps.
- Surgery: The first step in treatment is often surgical removal of the tumor, also known as resection. The goal of surgery is to remove as much of the tumor as possible while preserving neurological function. Complete removal is often difficult due to the tumor’s infiltrative nature, but reducing the tumor size can improve the effectiveness of subsequent treatments. In cases where surgery is not possible due to the tumor’s location, a biopsy may be performed to confirm the diagnosis.
- Radiation Therapy: Following surgery, most patients undergo radiation therapy to target any remaining cancer cells. Radiation uses high-energy X-rays or protons to damage the DNA of tumor cells, preventing them from growing and dividing. It is typically administered five days a week over a period of six weeks. Radiation therapy is a crucial component in slowing tumor progression and improving survival rates.
- Chemotherapy: Temozolomide (TMZ) is the standard chemotherapy drug used in glioblastoma treatment. It is taken orally and works by interfering with the tumor cells’ ability to replicate. TMZ is often used in combination with radiation therapy (concurrent chemoradiation) and then continued as maintenance therapy for several months.
- Tumor Treating Fields (TTFs): TTFs are a newer, non-invasive treatment option that uses alternating electrical fields to disrupt cancer cell division.
Dr. Jensen explains that after surgery for brain cancer, a tumor board meeting often occurs, where doctors with different specialties meet to assess the case together and decide the best way to proceed with treatment.
The purpose of the tumor board is to give brain cancer experts with different specialties the opportunity to discuss and decide on the best possible treatment approach.
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The Future of Glioblastoma Treatment
Research into new glioblastoma treatments is ongoing.
Some promising areas of focus include include immunotherapy and targeted therapies.
Clinical trials also offer access to experimental therapies that may improve outcomes. Patients interested in participating in clinical trials should discuss options with their oncologists.
Whether you sign the a clinical trial consent form or decline, remember why trials exist: to turn today’s maybe into tomorrow’s standard of care. If you join, you stand on the frontier where possibility becomes proof.
Coping After Losing A Parent To Cancer
Grieving is a natural part of coping when a friend or loved one dies from cancer. Losing a parent, especially, can leave a profound and lasting sense of sorrow—but that lingering grief doesn’t always have to be a burden.
‘Therapy Saved My Life’: After Losing A Loved One, Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
Camila Legaspi, who lost her mother to breast cancer while in high school, previously shared with SurvivorNet that the experience of losing a parent as a teen shaped much of her high school years.
Once she went to college, she found a way to transform that profound sense of loss into creative inspiration.
“I actually took this sadness and let it motivate me,” Legaspi said.
“I learned that it’s OK to be sad sometimes. It’s OK to carry sadness with you. It’s not always a bad thing. It makes you who you are and it gives you a story to tell and it helps you teach other people to cope with their sadness.”
More Resources On Coping With Loss
- How to Handle the Emotional Toll of Caring for a Loved One: Prioritizing Your Mental Health
- Mental Health: Understanding the Three Wellsprings of Vitality
- Dealing With Grief Related to Health Problems
- How to Be Realistically Optimistic: Coping With Mental Health Long-Term
- Mental Health: Coping With Feelings of Anger
Legaspi, one of four siblings, remembered her mother as a deeply creative person, and she drew on that inspiration when she began writing. At Princeton University, she joined the school magazine and transformed her grief into poetry, fiction, and other creative work, letting her mother’s memory fuel her passion rather than weigh her down.
“I’ve learned to have it impact me in a positive way, and have it not just be a sad story, instead, I’m using it for a better purpose,” Legaspi said.
In an earlier interview with SurvivorNet, Caleb Farley opened up to us about his mother’s battle with breast cancer.
After watching his mother battle cancer twice and endure multiple rounds of chemotherapy while caring for the family, he lost her to breast cancer in 2018. During the pandemic, he prioritized safety, even stepping away from a chance to play cornerback for the Virginia Tech Hokies due to COVID-19 concerns.
Farley announced the news of his decision not to play with Virginia Tech in an Instagram video saying, in part, “I cannot afford to lose another parent or loved one. Though the competitor in me badly wants to play this season, I cannot ignore what’s going on in my heart, and I must make the decision that brings me the most peace.”
(Farley trained for the NFL Draft instead of playing for Virginia Tech, and his efforts paid off. In the first round of the 2021 NFL Draft, the Tennessee Titans selected Farley as the number 22 overall pick.)
Today, Farley is taking the many life lessons he learned from her and applying them to whatever challenges he faces in life.
Overcoming Adversity
Overcoming adversity can seem daunting. Many people think reciting upbeat mottos or pretending to be cheerful will help, but these solutions can make someone feel even more dejected than before. Instead, focus on the following steps to make meaningful change.
- Set a goal. No matter what the situation, create a new goal for yourself. If you have just been diagnosed with cancer or a chronic illness, perhaps one goal would be to educate yourself about the disease and the possible treatments as much as possible.
- Make a plan. How will you achieve this goal? Your plan will help you focus on that goal. Dr. Siddhartha Ganguly refers to this determined, focused mindset as “the eye of the tiger,” which can help people dealing with health problems, such as lymphoma and other cancers. “You have to have the eye of the tiger to go through this grueling process that is necessary these days to get rid of these virulent and aggressive cancers,” Dr. Ganguly, a cancer specialist at Houston Methodist, told SurvivorNet.
- Rely on others. Spend time with people who show you unconditional support and encouragement. They will ease your stress and help you remember that you’re not alone in this! Dr. Samantha Boardman, a psychiatrist and author, tells SurvivorNet that one “coping strategy that can be productive is reaching out, talking to others. Having support we know is really critical in the healing process.”
- Use positive self-talk. Leave messages with affirmations in places you frequent. Put notes around your mirror or your computer screen that say “You got this!” or “Keep going!” Cut out inspirational quotes from people you admire and surround yourself with their words. Dr. Boardman explains to SurvivorNet that “Positive emotions have unique benefits above and beyond managing negative emotions.”
‘Adversity And The Art of Happiness:’ How Hardship Makes You Even Stronger
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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