The Road To Healing After Loss
- John Travolta, known for his iconic roles in “Saturday Night Fever” and “Grease,” is continuing to mourn the loss of his late wife Kelly Preston, who passed away from breast cancer at age 57, by honoring her memory with a heartfelt song he recorded in her tribute.
- Preston died on July 12, 2020, after a two year battle with breast cancer. Since her passing, Travolta has been a single dad to their children, Ella Bleu Travolta, 25, and Benjamin Travolta, 14.
- Grief is a difficult, truly personal process, something Travolta has shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others. While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. For others, support groups or turning to faith may be helpful. Whichever methods of support you look for after loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
- Creating and listening to music, or engaging in any other form of art or creation, can be a powerful tool when coping with cancer or other health struggles. Research has shown that just listening to music can reduce anxiety and produce other positive effects on mental health.
To mark what would have been Preston’s 63rd birthday on October 13, Travolta shared a heartfelt post on Instagram featuring a song he created in her memory.
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He continued, “You’re gonna love me, like nobody’s loved me. Come rain or come shine, happy together, unhappy together, now won’t that be fine.
“Days may be cloudy or sunny, we’re in or we’re out of the money, but I’m with you always, I’m with you rain or shine.”
The post, which was signed by Travolta, along with his daughter Ella and son Ben, received much praise from his loved ones, fans, and friends, with one commenting, “John this is so beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes. I feel so honored and grateful to work with you & Kelly on the Gotti movie.
“She was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. Also so funny!! Rest in peace Kelly and Happy Heavenly Birthday Angel.”
Another commented, “Proof grief never stops… not even for the rich and famous. What a beautiful tribute.”
“Beautiful. Memory is an act of love—it says, you mattered, and you still do,” wrote a third.
Travolta often takes to social media to pay tribute to Preston, something he did earlier this year on Mother’s Day, by sharing a family photo of her.
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“Happy Mother’s Day Kelly! You did a great job!! We love you!” he wrote.
We’re touched by Travolta’s enduring dedication to Preston and the way he has navigated her tragic loss with the support of his family—and even his dog, Peanut, whom he often brings him wherever he goes.
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John Travolta’s Journey With Loss & His Wife’s Breast Cancer Battle
John Travolta and his children, Ella Bleu and Benjamin, lost their mother Kelly Preston in July 2020. She had privately battled breast cancer for two years before passing away at the age of 57.
While we don’t know the specifics of Preston’s treatment, we do know that breast cancer is typically treated with chemotherapy, radiation, or surgery.
After she passed, Travolta thanked doctors at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston in a tribute post for his wife on Instagram, on July 13, 2020.
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Alongside a beautiful photo of his wife, Travolta wrote, “It is with a very heavy heart that I inform you that my beautiful wife Kelly has lost her two-year battle with breast cancer. She fought a courageous fight with the love and support of so many.
“My family and I will forever be grateful to her doctors and nurses at MD Anderson Cancer Center, all the medical centers that have helped, as well as her many friends and loved ones who have been by her side.”
He continued, “Kelly’s love and life will always be remembered. I will be taking some time to be there for my children who have lost their mother, so forgive me in advance if you don’t hear from us for a while. But please know that I will feel your outpouring of love in the weeks and months ahead as we heal.
All my love, JT.”
Travolta and his wife kept Preston’s cancer battle relatively private, which is why the world was so stunned when she passed as most people didn’t know she was sick.
Expert Resources On Coping With Loss
- Dealing With Grief Related to Health Problems
- Mental Health and Cancer — The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response
- How to Handle the Emotional Toll of Caring for a Loved One: Prioritizing Your Mental Health
- Mental Health: Understanding the Three Wellsprings of Vitality
- Best Ways to Deal With Stress — Advice from SurvivorNet Community Members
- Fear, Anger, Anxiety: You’re Entitled To Your Emotions
Remember, your health is a private matter, and only you can decide who should be informed about your medical situation. After receiving a diagnosis, it’s essential to honor your own comfort and timing. Don’t feel obligated to disclose your condition to others before you’re ready, or to share it more broadly than you want. You have full control over your health information and how it is communicated.
Dr. Marianna Strongin, a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Strong In Therapy Psychology, told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview that whether someone shares this heavy news is their personal preference.
“I recommend sharing, I’m a therapist,” Strongin says with a laugh, “but to whom and how many people is up to the person (with cancer).”
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There are plenty of people who have chosen not to share their cancer battle publicly. While Strongin says that she encourages sharing, she also recognizes there’s also a personality factor at play when it comes to whether a person shares this deeply personal news; some people are more willing to share, and some are just more private, Strongin adds. The difference, she says, is what’s the process in sharing versus not sharing.
Grief Is a Journey
The loss of someone you care about, including to cancer, can bring profound and overwhelming grief. Giving yourself permission to feel and process that sorrow is vital, and seeking support—such as therapy or other professional resources—can be an important first step.
Camila Legaspi, speaking with SurvivorNet in an earlier interview, shared her perspective on coping with grief after her mother’s death from breast cancer, emphasizing that therapy played a crucial role in her healing journey.
“Therapy Saved My Life”: After Losing A Loved One, Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
“Therapy saved my life,” says Legaspi. “I was dealing with some really intense anxiety and depression at that point. It just changed my life, because I was so drained by all the negativity that was going on. Going to a therapist helped me realize that there was still so much out there for me, that I still had my family, that I still had my siblings.”
“When you lose someone, it’s really, really, really hard,” says Legaspi. “I’m so happy that I talked to my therapist. Keep your chin up, and it’s going to be OK. No matter what happens, it’s going to be OK.”
In another interview with SurvivorNet, Doug Wendt shared his thoughts on the grieving process after losing his wife, Alice, to ovarian cancer.
“We’re never gonna move on, I don’t even think I want to move on, but I do want to move forward,” Wendt said. “That’s an important distinction, and I encourage anybody who goes through this journey as a caregiver and then has to face loss, to think very carefully about how to move forward.”
Surviving the Loss of a Partner
Fighting your own cancer battle is one of the toughest experiences in life; watching the disease take someone you love is a different kind of pain. In some cases, a spouse with cancer can take proactive steps to talk about what might come after.
“She wanted to make sure that I knew that it was OK, she really wanted me to have another relationship after she was gone,” one widower told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.
John Duberstein lost his wife, writer Nina Riggs, to metastatic triple negative breast cancer. He says that while he was watching her suffer from the disease, he couldn’t help but wish things could go back to normal … but Riggs had already embraced her new normal.
The Toughest Conversations: Losing a Spouse to Cancer
“I really wanted things to go back to normal, whatever that meant,” Duberstein previously told SurvivorNet. “She was not for that. She wanted to embrace the existence that she had, even before she knew she was going to die imminently.
“I did not want to talk about what was going to happen with me after Nina died. Nina is the one that really brought it up, she brought it up a number of times,” he added.
Duberstein explained that even with the pain of losing his wife, and even though he didn’t want to talk about it at the time, he’s so glad they had those seemingly uncomfortable conversations. “In retrospect, I can’t even explain how glad I am that I had that.”
This is a reminder that having those uncomfortable and painful conversations with your partner can be fundamental to your well-being as you move forward in the grieving process, alleviating the guilt felt in starting to date again, and/or eventually marry.
How Turning to Music Can Help Cancer Patients
Music has the power to move us—whether we’re making it, enjoying it, or performing on stage. Many have experienced its emotional impact firsthand, but not everyone is aware that science supports these effects.
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Dr. Alexander Pantelyat, a neurologist at Johns Hopkins, told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview, “Just listening to music activates more brain regions simultaneously than any other human activity.”
A study published in 2022 the journal Parkinson’s Disease researched the effects music had on the brain. It found music can help reduce anxiety for patients. Dr. Serap Bastepe-Gray, who co-founded the Johns Hopkins Center for Music and Medicine with Dr. Pantelyat, led the study.
“The guitar, which is portable, affordable, and one of the most popular instruments in the U.S., has potential as a motivational therapeutic tool both in the clinical and community settings,” Dr. Bastepe-Gray said.
Music therapy is a resource cancer patients turn to during treatment. Music therapy includes “creating, singing, moving, listening and/or relaxing” to the sounds of your favorite songs according to the National Cancer Institute.
This form of therapy can help relieve depression, stress, anxiety, and pain.
Pancreatic cancer survivor Joel Naftelberg can also attest to the power of music, as he found the support he needed from his music family. He previously told SurvivorNet, “The people that were my heroes in entertainment and rock and roll have been my friends and have been some of the most supportive people that I’ve had in my life.”
Cancer Survivor Joel Naftelberg Learned to Dance on His Problems
Naftelberg describes his cancer as a “monster.” It’s “attacked every facet of [his] life,” but that doesn’t mean he’s let it get the best of him. Music has been his saving grace.
“I have found music and rock and roll to be transformational,” he said. “Doesn’t necessarily solve anything, but it does let us dance on our problems for at least an hour or two. Nothing better on a Friday afternoon than to hang with your friends and listen to beautiful music.”
Focusing on something you love is an important way to build resilience in the face of coping with cancer and chronic disease, psychiatrist Dr. Samantha Boardman previously told SurvivorNet. She explained what she calls the “three wellsprings of vitality,” which are connecting with others, contributing to the lives of others, and challenging yourself to continue growing.
“Those are the cores of vitality, and the core pathways to enhance your everyday resilience,” Dr. Boardman said.
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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