Coping with Loss
- Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt recently shared a photo in remembrance of her mother who died from cancer 10 years ago.
- Coping with the loss of a loved one to cancer is incredibly challenging, but moving forward with the lessons your loved one shared and remembering you don't have to forget them to move forward can be a great place to start.
- Grief is an unavoidable and important part of healing following the loss of a loved one to cancer, and therapy can be a valuable tool when dealing with grief.
Hewitt kept her mother's illness private. But in 2012, Patricia died of complications due to cancer.
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“Today is 10 years since losing my best friend,” her caption began. “Someone told me after losing my mom that the first year would feel impossible, the years after would build strength in me and then the 10 year mark would be an open wound all over again. Because it would feel insane to have been without her that long. They were right.”
She went on to say that the anniversary felt “very raw.”
“I will never forget not making it to say goodbye,” she continued. “I will never forget walking into her house that day and hoping somehow she would come around the corner, waking up the day after praying it was all a bad dream.”
Hewitt even made the heartbreaking confession that she’s called her mother “countless times” forgetting that “she couldn't pick up.”
Still, she’s carried on and handled the loss in the best way she can, and she recognizes that her mother helped her get to life she always wanted. She’s married to actor Brian Hallisay, 43, and the couple has three children: Autumn James Hallisay, Atticus James Hallisay and Aidan James Hallisay.
“I am proud of the way I've handled grief,” she wrote. “But I wish it wasn't so painful. Today I will celebrate her because I know she helped me build my family.
“My incredible children and a wonderful man who helps me everyday create our little unit. She knew it's all I ever wanted. And I know she is with us everyday. I will eat and drink her favorite things today. The kids and I will look at pics of Mimi and all her adventures and I will feel so grateful that she was mine if only for awhile. I love you mama. Always and forever.”
Losing a Loved One to Cancer
Losing someone you love to cancer can cause immeasurable pain as Jennifer Love Hewitt knows all too well. But grief is an inevitable and essential part of the healing process.
And there's definitely no one way to cope, but Doug Wendt shared his thoughts on grief in a previous interview with SurvivorNet after losing his wife, Alice, to ovarian cancer.
"We're never gonna move on, I don't even think I want to move on, but I do want to move forward," Wendt said. "That's an important distinction, and I encourage anybody who goes through this journey as a caregiver and then has to face loss, to think very carefully about how to move forward."
Remembering all the wonderful ways the person you've lost enriched your life can also help you move forward something Caleb Farley can surely attest to.
In a previous interview with SurvivorNet, Farley talked about his mother's battle with breast cancer. He also discussed how he opted out of his position as a cornerback for the Virginia Tech Hokies due to COVID-19 concerns. Having lost his mom to breast cancer in 2018, he knew he wanted to be extra careful during the pandemic.
Farley announced the news of his opt-out in an Instagram video saying, in part, "I cannot afford to lose another parent or loved one… Though the competitor in me badly wants to play this season, I cannot ignore what's going on in my heart, and I must make the decision that brings me the most peace."
Farley trained for the NFL draft instead of playing for Virginia Tech, and his efforts paid off. He was selected by the Tennessee Titans as the number 22 overall pick in the first round of the 2021 NFL draft.
Farley's mother fought two battles with cancer. He watched as she went through multiple rounds of chemotherapy while still working and taking care of her family. Although his "superhero" mother will not get to see him play in the NFL, Farley will take many lessons he learned from her and apply them to whatever challenges he faces in life moving forward.
"My mother raised me to be very religious, very God-conscious. That's been everything to me, and my life. That's like the building blocks of my, of my life," Farley told SurvivorNet. "Anything that's happened to me, any adversity, any good times, any bad times, I've always kind of stood on that rock of faith. I can't thank her enough for how she raised me and because it was her who gave me all of that, um, spiritually, she, she just filled my heart with love and joy. I've had a happy life because of her."
Therapy as a Tool for Coping with Grief
Everyone's journey of grief looks different, but therapy and support groups can also be wonderful options to explore. It's also important to keep in mind that time does not heal everything, but it certainly helps.
In an earlier interview with SurvivorNet, Camila Legaspi shared her own advice on grief after her mother died of breast cancer. For her, therapy made all the difference.
"Therapy Saved My Life": After Losing A Loved One, Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help
"Therapy saved my life," Legaspi said. "I was dealing with some really intense anxiety and depression at that point. It just changed my life, because I was so drained by all the negativity that was going on. Going to a therapist helped me realize that there was still so much out there for me, that I still had my family, that I still had my siblings."
Legaspi also wanted to remind people that even though it can be an incredibly difficult experience to process, things will get better.
"When you lose someone, it's really, really, really hard," Legaspi said. "I'm so happy that I talked to my therapist. Keep your chin up, and it's going to be OK. No matter what happens, it's going to be OK."
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