Coping With Grief After Loss
- TV and radio host Ryan Seacrest, 50, is mourning his father, Gary Seacrest, who peacefully passed away on Halloween at 81 after a battle with prostate cancer.
- Seacrest’s dad’s cancer stage hadn’t been disclosed, but it’s important to remember that despite a stage four cancer diagnosis, treatment advancements have made for patients to better manage and treat patients living with metastatic prostate cancer.
- The loss of Seacrest’s beloved father reminds us that grief is a difficult, truly personal process. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
- While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief. Faith can also be a powerful coping mechanism for some.
- Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
Seacrest, who opened up earlier this year about his dad’s cancer journey, took to social media on Friday to share the saddening news, writing alongside a collection of throwback photos, “It is with a heavy heart that I share with you that my loving father peacefully passed away earlier this week. My mom, sister and I have peace knowing he is in a better place and free of any pain or suffering.
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Messages of love, support, and sympathy poured in on his Instagram post, from celebrities, fans, and friends.
“I am so sorry Ryan your dad was such an incredible man. I remember so many great times spent. Sending so much love to you and your family,” wrote entrepreneur |Natalie Swanston Fuller.
Model Madlena Kalinova commented, “My dear friend may he rest in peace. I know the pain unfortunately but I also know he will be always with you. My deepest condolences to you and your family. Love you.”
“Sending love and prayers to you and your family brother. Your dad will watch over you all forever now that is for sure,” actor Joey Lawrence wrote.
The Ryan Seacrest Foundation also shared a heartfelt post on Instagram, in honor of Gary. The post read, “It is with the heaviest heart that we share the passing of Gary Seacrest. Together with his wife Connie and their children Meredith and Ryan, Gary helped found the Ryan Seacrest Foundation.
“He took immense pride in the joy and inspiration it brings to children and families during some of their toughest times, and his warmth, kindness, and unwavering support helped shape who we are today.”
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The post concluded, “Gary’s spirit and love will forever remain at the heart of RSF and we will miss him deeply.”
His father’s passing comes just months after Seacrest revealed on the July 21 episode of his radio show, “On Air with Ryan Seacrest,” that his father had been battling prostate cancer for several years, which had recently advanced and spread, while his mother remains in remission from an undisclosed type of cancer.”
Despite Seacrest’s having announced his dad’s disease was “no longer detectable” approximately four years ago, Gary’s health had worsened and the former American Idol host decided tell the public to spread awareness and let others know they’re not alone.
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Recounting when his dad was in the ICU with pneumonia, which he got while undergoing chemotherapy, amid his cancer fight, he said during the radio show, “The conversation they were having with [my father] about an emergency surgery was a life or death conversation,.
“I’ve never seen my strong, very smart father with the look on his face that he had and the concern and looking at me to help guide what decisions should be made in this moment.”
Reflecting on the difficult battle with pneumonia, Seacrest added, “He could not get up to sit. He could not eat. He could not drink water. He could not go to the bathroom. But after a few weeks in the ICU, “finally, he began to get some strength back.”
Despite his dad, at the time, needing another round of treatment in his cancer fight, Seacrest optimistically said, “Cancer affects every one of us in some way, and it sucks. The treatments suck. The treatments are tough. But I know he’s gonna get through this.”
Expert Resources On Coping With Emotions After Loss
- Mental Health and Cancer — The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response
- Responding to Stress: How to Cope With Complex & Changing Emotions
- How to Be Realistically Optimistic: Coping With Mental Health Long-Term
- New Hard Evidence That Exercise Measurably Reduces Anxiety– 150 Minutes Per Week Makes The Difference
- How to Help Your Loved Ones Dealing With Loneliness, Anxiety, & Cancer
- Changing the Culture: Medical Professionals Shouldn’t be Ashamed to Seek Mental Health Treatment
- Mental Health: Coping With Feelings of Anger
Moving Through Grief
Grief is a difficult, truly personal process, something Seacrest has shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief, as can turning to faith.
Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
Dealing With Grief After a Cancer Diagnosis
It’s important to remember that anxiety and fear are also totally normal reactions to the news of cancer, or the loss of a loved one, and acknowledging these emotions can be therapeutic and important to the healing process.
“I think the most important advice I would give to someone who has just received a cancer diagnosis is to find people whom they find as a source of support. To allow themselves to go through all of the different emotional reactions to that news,” said Dr. Susan Parsons, Director of the Center for Health Solutions/Center on Child and Family Outcomes at Tufts Medical Center, in a prior interview with SurvivorNet.
Fear, Anger, Anxiety You’re Entitled To Your Emotions
“The anger, the frustration, the fear. The disappointment. Whatever those emotions are, figure out what’s important to you and find those people that can help you realize that,” Dr. Parsons explained.
In times of frustration, it can be useful to a little bit of direction on specific ways to deal with it. A few of the most common ways to deal with fear and anxiety after a cancer diagnosis, that have helped people in the SurvivorNet community in the past, include:
1. Let your family and close friends know and let them help. So many cancer survivors tell us they want and need support but are often too preoccupied to make specific requests. Urge those close to you to jump in with whatever practical help they can offer.
2. Keep a journal. It can be extremely cathartic to let those feelings loose on paper. Grab a pen and a nice journal and chronicle your different thoughts throughout the day.
3. Join a cancer support group. There are groups in nearly every community offering opportunities to connect with others going through a similar journey. You’ll learn incredibly helpful insight from others who can tell you about what to expect and how to stay strong on tough days.
4. Consider seeing a therapist. Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist so you can discuss your fears and concerns in a safe space. Often, vocalizing your thoughts and feelings rather than internalizing them can provide relief.
Coping After Losing A Parent To Cancer
Going through stages of grief is something everyone deals with after a friend or loved one passes away from cancer. When you lose a parent to cancer, especially if it happens at a younger age, that feeling of loss and sadness can really linger.
But that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.
‘Therapy Saved My Life’: After Losing A Loved One, Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
In the case of Camila Legaspi, who lost her mom to breast cancer when she was in high school, she previously told SurvivorNet that the tragedy of losing a parent as a teenager kind of defined her high school experience.
After going off to college, she was able to turn that huge sense of loss that she felt into inspiration for creating.
“I actually took this sadness and let it motivate me,” Legaspi previously told SurvivorNet. “I learned that it’s OK to be sad sometimes. It’s OK to carry sadness with you. It’s not always a bad thing. It makes you who you are and it gives you a story to tell and it helps you teach other people to cope with their sadness.”
Legaspi, who is one of four siblings, described her mom as a very creative person. She said she turned to writing as an outlet and used her mother’s creativity as a motivator.
She went to Princeton University and got involved with the school’s magazine. She explained that instead of thinking of the loss of her mother as something terrible that happened to her family, she has let it serve as inspiration for poetry, fiction, or whatever else she may be inspired to write.
“I’ve learned to have it impact me in a positive way, and have it not just be a sad story, instead, I’m using it for a better purpose,” Legaspi said.
In an earlier interview with SurvivorNet, Caleb Farley opened up to us about his mother’s battle with breast cancer.
His mother fought two battles with cancer and he watched as she went through multiple rounds of chemotherapy while still working and taking care of their family.
Having lost his mom to breast cancer in 2018, he knew he wanted to be extra careful during the pandemic. When he had the chance to play as a cornerback for the Virginia Tech Hokies football team, he backed out due to COVID-19 concerns.
Farley announced the news of his decision not to play with Virginia Tech in an Instagram video saying, in part, “I cannot afford to lose another parent or loved one. Though the competitor in me badly wants to play this season, I cannot ignore what’s going on in my heart, and I must make the decision that brings me the most peace.”
(Farley trained for the NFL Draft instead of playing for Virginia Tech, and his efforts paid off. In the first round of the 2021 NFL Draft, the Tennessee Titans selected Farley as the number 22 overall pick.)
Today, Farley is taking the many life lessons he learned from her and applying them to whatever challenges he faces in life.
Prostate Cancer Screening Guidelines
If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with prostate cancer, it’s important to remember that most types of prostate cancers are treatable. According to the National Cancer Institute, the five-year survival rate of prostate cancer in the U.S. is 97.9%. There is, however, a small number of men whose type of prostate cancer may become unresponsive to treatment, for example, when cancer cells develop a resistance hormone therapy, the treatment may no longer work.
Prostate cancer begins in the prostate the walnut-shaped gland located between the rectum and bladder that produces the fluid that nourishes sperm. Outside of skin cancers, prostate cancer is the most common cancer in American men with about one in eight men being diagnosed with this disease during his lifetime.
It’s important to remember a prostate cancer diagnosis is not always preceded by symptoms. And even when symptoms do occur, they can be inconsistent and hard to pinpoint.
“Prostate cancer is a very odd disease in that it doesn’t have a particular symptom,” Dr. Edwin Posadas, director of translational oncology and the medical director of the Urologic Oncology Program at Cedars-Sinai, previously told SurvivorNet.
It’s unclear if the benefits of prostate cancer screening outweigh the risks for most men. Nevertheless, screening can be life-saving, and it’s important to discuss the pros and cons of screening and your risk factors for the disease with your doctor.
The American Cancer Society (ACS) recommends “men have a chance to make an informed decision with their health care provider about whether to be screened for prostate cancer” after “getting information about the uncertainties, risks, and potential benefits of prostate cancer screening.”
The ACS says the discussion about prostate cancer screening should take place at:
- Age 50 for men who are at average risk of prostate cancer and are expected to live at least 10 more years.
- Age 45 for men at high risk of developing prostate cancer. This includes African Americans and men who have a first-degree relative (father or brother) diagnosed with prostate cancer at an early age (younger than age 65).
- Age 40 for men at even higher risk (those with more than one first-degree relative who had prostate cancer at an early age).
Prostate cancer screening methods look for possible signs of the disease, but they can’t determine for sure if you have cancer. A prostate biopsy is the only way to confirm if the patient has prostate cancer.
Screening generally involves a PSA (prostate-specific antigen) test and a digital rectal exam to feel the prostate gland. The prostate-specific antigen is a protein secreted by the prostate gland, large amounts of which can indicate prostate cancer.
It’s slightly uncomfortable but painless, and takes less than 30 seconds,” Dr. Posadas said of these methods. “The amount of information that is gained from that is tremendous, and it can be a life-and-death type decision that is made.”
Though the PSA test is not always accurate and an elevated PSA test does not always mean you have prostate cancer, our experts maintain that these tests are helpful. Make sure to discuss your options with your doctors and decide what screening should look like for you.
When Should I Get Tested for Prostate Cancer?
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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